Just imagine ... ‘we survived and subsequently thrived after the Coronavirus Pandemic in 2020’

Life has now changed for us ALL in ways that we never imagined three months ago. We really are all writing history at this moment. These will become the days that we remember and recall in the years ahead of us. I’d love to share some of my thoughts that I hope may help you.

When my son was born in 1996, my spiral into an extreme form of postnatal mental illness, puerperal psychosis, was one of the worst periods in the life of my family and me. It will always be remembered that way AND there were positives that came out of it too. For example, by sharing what happened to us as a family, through my books and talks, I know that other seriously ill women have been inspired to get well rather than take their own lives.

In 2011 my partner, Clive Gott, died suddenly at home at the age of 52. This brought about another period of extreme pain for those of us who were close to him, or even admired the work he did as a motivational speaker. In sharing my grief through my blog in the months that followed, I know that positives emerged too, e.g. one lady told me that the relationship I described that Clive and I had, made her reflect on the one she was in. She ended it and moved onto find a new partner who loved her in the way she deserved.

During those periods it often felt like the pain would never end. That I would never laugh or find joy again. I was mistaken. I've learned to appreciate that life is made of ups and downs. Some are more extreme than others.

Everyone of us is affected by birth and death – because it happens to us all. It is how we live that makes the difference.

So how am I currently living through this world crisis? All the events that I was due to speak at over the next few months have been postponed. The holidays we had planned are now taken out of the diary. The family celebrations are on hold. I find myself busier than ever!

·       Three years ago, I began to work for our village convenience store, One Stop. It was on a flexible arrangement to fit around my talks and travels plus when the shop needed me. With my partner working away for several weeks at a time, it also was a reason for me to leave the house and work away from my desk. Last year I was promoted to be a shift manager and built up to 24 hours a week. This still enabled me to work around my talks. In the current climate, not only am I now working full-time there, my partner and son have also joined the team! The usual policy of no friends and family working in the store has been waived. It makes sense to have those that you are close to, work alongside you. We are exceptionally busy with stock being sold almost as soon as it comes in. Many years ago, I heard about the approach of having several income streams so that if one goes down, another can prop it up. That is so relevant right now. It also feels good to be helping the community in our time of need. I love being able to work with my man and son as well. We are taking every precaution to keep ourselves and our customers well.

·       One of my other roles has been keeping the accounts for The DISC Group. They are a company who 'provide disc trainer certification, assessment of human behaviour and personality profile of the employees and clients of an organisation'. This was another job I took on to work flexibly around my talks and shop work. I am used to ‘working from home’ so know the adjustments that it takes at first. This has not changed. I have always enjoyed the flexibility – and no horrible commute on roads or public transport. I wonder how many people will change to this way of working when we are the other side of the pandemic?

·       The physical events that I had in my schedule are postponed and I am busy preparing work on webinars and writing a chapter for a book for midwives on perinatal mental health. I can see that other people have been very busy compiling information over the last couple of weeks that may be useful to new or expectant families. For example:

Perinatal Mental Health - COVID Top 20 Resources & Evidence Base by Dr Hind Khalifeh, Perinatal Psychiatrist, KCH/SLAM.

Support when mums need it most - Perinatal Mental Health Support during Covid-19 and beyond by Eve Canavan

·       When I am at home, I have decided to do a ‘house sort’. Instead of the usual trips to the cinema, etc. I am determined to sort at least a drawer a day. I admit to being impatient and overdoing goals I set myself! In hindsight, one of the reasons I was so ill postnatally, was because I attempted to do ‘everything’. I love this article that encourages us all to take our ‘new normal’ steadily, ‘Why You Should Ignore All That Coronavirus-Inspired Productivity Pressure’, By Aisha S. Ahmad.

It is worth a read.

The other evening, I reminded my partner that ‘we’ hadn’t done our drawer of the day. I encouraged him to join me in the bathroom whilst we looked through the contents of the bathroom cabinet. He teased that he was losing motivation fast as I ‘had’ to open every bottle to check the fragrance, date check-it, recall when and why it was bought before assigning it to the bin/charity/sell/keep piles. If it passed the ‘keep’ test, then it had to be aligned perfectly straight in the cupboard. Little tip for maintaining a good relationship – keep your sorting to yourself ??. That said, I know that throwing some contents of the First Aid box with use by dates of 2008, WAS a good thing!

·       I do find that being physically apart from my family is hard. I am pleased that my brother Kevin is back in the UK and is living with my parents. My sister, niece and her husband are also nearby yet far away. We are in touch regularly. I felt sad when I vacuumed the dining room last week, remembering all the Sunday teas we shared in there. So, last Sunday, we had a Messenger group video chat. Thank heavens for the technology we have in this situation.

·       I do feel so sorry for those who are unwell and for the bereaved. I feel so sorry for those who have lost their job or business due to this virus. It is why we must continue to support each other. People can be so judgmental. It is a time when society needs to pull together rather than apart. I do have the occasional little cry. Sometimes it all becomes ‘too much’, doesn’t it? The separation, the worry of becoming ill or dying, the changes, finances, the restrictions, the ‘what if’s’ that we can torment ourselves with. I am blessed to share my life with a man who understands that sometimes I simply need a hug and to be held whilst I allow my emotions to flow. At that time, I do not need to be told that I should count my blessings; that there are others much worse off; that this will pass and make us stronger. I know all that. I have my short sob and that recharges me. I have learned that it is much better to release emotion rather than bottle it up. We then get ready, with music playing loudly as we brush our teeth, to serve our community in One Stop.

All my talks, both national and international, have been paused / postponed. We are all living this new life - the main thing is that we stay well. I loved a comment on social media that said that this virus is ‘like the people of the world have been sent to their bedrooms to reflect on what they have done’.  As pollution levels improve; as kindness and communities are growing; as we stay home to save lives of ourselves and loved ones - we will get through this. We are compelled as a race to press the pause button on our lives (unless we are a key worker). Thank you to those who are working so hard and in difficult circumstances.

Just imagine…these will become the days that many of us will recall in the years ahead. If we heed the advice we are given, we pray that we can say ‘we survived and thrived from the Coronavirus Pandemic in 2020’.