Just got into your first serious job and it's hard. Now what? Ten tips.

Lately I have been talking a lot to, call it, ‘the new generation’. Direct or indirect reports, service suppliers and people I mentor (I volunteer for that). They are early twenties to early thirties and have a couple of things in common. And I don’t mean the millennial cliches at all. These people are all smart, driven, passionate and show none of the behavioral issues commonly associated with that age group. I already wrote a blog on how much I reject that generalization BS, but that is not the point here.

When mentoring some of them, or talking to others, I found that they all deal with a cluster of similar questions and insecurities. There are some elements of low confidence, self motivation trouble, or doubts about purpose or abilities. Again, these people are all highly educated and for sure qualified for the jobs they got into recently. Usually it is a step up for them, and usually this job is part of the dream they are pursuing. About half of them are immigrants or female. What they have to go through compared to the local males is a bit more tough, I realize that, but on average they seem to be dealing with the same stuff, at least in the tech sector. From these conversations, I have summarized some points. About what to do when you feel stuck. Or about getting things done, feeling good about your accomplishments and being happy in your new phase in life.

Can I do this? Is this for me? It is harder than I thought. I think I am not getting anywhere!

You are likely to feel doubts about being in the right role - it’s all new. Now let’s assume your current position fits your background. Rationally we are OK here, right? So - what is the disconnect then? A common issue I see is that you want it all and you want it now.

You have tasted the sweet taste of success and you want more. You may have become a little obsessed by titles and salaries and the corporate ladder. You have been telling yourself for years that you are going to succeed. “I am a bright and successful woman, I can’t fail. My family, my friends all count on me. They expect me to achieve this and so do I”, one young woman told me.

Another 30-year-old just started her own business and said that she wanted to sell half a million dollars worth of services in her first year, by closing a deal every other week. A few months in, that amount now seems unachievable, because things developed a bit slower, the funnel is empty and she is getting frustrated, beats herself up, told me she feels like a failure. I had to point out she would still make more than double of what she made last year as a junior employee somewhere else. As her own boss. Not bad, huh? Which worker would not sign up for that!

These two examples are all about managing your own expectations. You can’t become a ballerina in a day. Or Lionel Messi. Or Sheryl Sandberg. It takes exceptional talent and exceptional hard work to get there. And there is anyway only one Messi and one Sandberg. Set your goals differently - improve a little bit every day, accomplish smaller things and celebrate them with every win. That is the key to happiness - to celebrate what you have, not what you want. Enjoy the trip, not just the destination.

I feel like everyone is against me. Why is nobody helping me? Why do I get pushback from my manager when I explain why we did not get this project done? it’s not my fault!

A common bad habit that people learn before their early teens is immediately blaming others. It can’t be your fault when things go wrong, right? It starts with doing projects you have to do with a couple of other kids. You either low-effort this, or you are that one out of four that does all the work. Or you blame the defenders when your football team loses.

Every sports coach will tell you that teams will only win if the team members are willing to help each other. A team of individualists is no team. If your competition needs are focused on your team members rather than at your actual company’s competitors, something is wrong. Think from the big thing inwards. You are not the center of attention anymore. First the company, then your department, then you. Not the other way around.

OK I get it. Must work together. Team first, then me. But how?

Collaboration is hard. Does not come naturally. It needs a couple of things to be in sync among the group members: the goals, timeline, resources and the common beliefs. I have a simple 6-word checklist for that: “who, what, where, when, why and how”. In order to succeed as a collaborator, it is important to know what others should be contributing, and what you yourself should be adding to the mix.

Always start with yourself. Accept your role. Be responsible. It is about Acceptance & Accountability. Don’t blame others for your own issues or failures. Ask for feedback from the team members and your manager. Get grounded. Take a good look at yourself. Do you use blame, excuses or denial as mechanisms not to be accountable? You need to work on these things first. This is crucial for your ability to accomplish anything when working with other people. Focus on Ownership & Responsibility. Make things happen - by yourself. Be the change, instead of waiting for others. Be proactive.

From John McHugh, SVP & GM at NETGEAR, with 30 years of successful R&D management experience: "A specific skill I look for is when individuals are highly energized – don’t come to me with ideas, come to me with a business case.  What’s in it for the company and do we have all of the resources to do it successfully?" And resources are anyway limited. To make hard trade-offs and pick the only right idea is a special kind of difficult and requires leadership skills.

How do I make myself more productive? I feel like I do not get anything done.

Everyday you should reassess your tasks, not your values or your goals, nor the strategy, nor your big priorities. It all starts with knowing what is expected from you. Your manager will have to be outspoken about that. Press them for clarity.

Everything at work has to do with getting things done, if you boil it down to the essence. There is a time factor. You don’t want to spend too much time at work, so it is crucial to figure the next thing out. There are 3 steps to become productive. First, try to be Effective. Which means: doing the right things. Cut out useless tasks, de-prioritize them, postpone them, ignore them. Watch out for people making their problem your problem. Particularly when you are young or new in a job, there is a chance the old folks try to take advantage of you by letting you do their work. Once you have figured out what the right things to do are, work on the second phase: your ability to be Efficient. That is all about doing things right. The last step is to combine the two, only then can you become truly Productive: doing the right things right.

How can I feel good about my accomplishments? I feel that I don’t contribute anything, I don’t belong here. I feel worthless.

Verify if you have the right perspective. Manage your expectations for others, but above all - for yourself. How? Realize you can’t change the weather for example. You can’t move a mountain. Therefore, only worry about things you can influence. You are not in university anymore. You are not supposed to score all 100% and have perfect grades. You are supposed to get things done now. That is different. Here are a few statements that may help you. Better done than perfect. The key to moving ahead is following through. Seek results. Don’t rub in stains. If it does not go anywhere, go somewhere else, move on. Let it go. Small and easy daily wins are highly motivating - and count as better accomplishments than striving for that big philosophical utopian big win thing. Eduard Lugovoy says it in a very practical way: "Breaking bigger things into smaller things and taking one step at a time, helps a lot when it comes to ‘to do’ lists and complex project. Also, I find the best First reaction to crisis is no reaction at all – it gives time to gather yourself, your thoughts and start dealing with it."

I feel distracted, I get pulled in too many directions. I can’t concentrate it seems. After an average day, I am tired without making progress. I feel like I did not do anything today.

This is more than common. It is almost universal. You can overcome all of this, but it requires some harsh self organizing and making trade-offs. First, create a low-noise environment. Clean up your workplace. Switch off audible or visible notifications on your devices. Eliminate spam. Cut out the less useful energy suckers! These could be people, or trivial things asking your attention, or tasks, or useless meetings. Sitting in meetings where you don’t contribute is not useful, better spend time being on top of your priorities.

The most important next thing to do is to Make and Maintain a priority list. Written by hand in your paper notebook. Everything you should be doing, should be on this List. You can’t be doing things that are not on the List. There can be only one List. Priorities are numbered. There can only be one priority #1, and one #2, and so on. Each morning, draw a line under the prioritized tasks you want to accomplish today. Work the list every day and become better at estimating your ability to get these tasks done. That is called the scoping of work. A very important piece - it will help you get organized quickly.

Why is this so important? It feels rigid.

Yes this highly structured but it is super important. Because it tells you what to do next. Because it is true that people who have focus get things done, but people with priorities get the right things done. The acronym to use, when prioritizing tasks, is “W.I.N.” - What is Important Now? Divide your day in blocks, dedicated to what is most necessary for you to accomplish something. Don’t let others dominate your calendar. Sitting at your desk and waiting for your inbox to decide what you do first, is the opposite of having priorities. You will never be a high performer if you just focus on cleaning your inbox. it’s a losing battle. Being independent and autonomous in your job is not about finishing homework and finishing the test first of your class.

I was top of my class in university, but here I feel like I know nothing. I don’t know what to do! Panic!

Around age 24-27, work and life are suddenly changing. The structure is different and not everything is clearly encapsulated. There is ambiguity. Work piles up, but not as an exam with a neat study guide. Your manager wants things from you he or she only explains in vague terms. You have no clue where to begin. What is it they want exactly?

Introducing Doug the lawyer. I met Doug when he was my neighbor in the South Bay. I lived in a small cottage. He had a four million dollar mansion with a lawn, pool, kids in private school and uniformed maids and gardeners. He met his wife, another lawyer, at a prestigious New York law firm because they shared the same assistant. Doug is in the business of Mergers & Acquisitions (M&A) and he hit the jackpot when he sold Instagram to Facebook.

Over diner, we talked about how hard it is to attract top-talent. His observation was that the main issue with top-talent, once you get them in eventually, is the wall they hit when they find out that the job is unlike law school. For example - the ambitious new layers get asked to socialize with the clients, take them out the diner, have a conversation while figuring out what is going on. Do some account mapping, understand the politics better, pour another bottle of wine over the conversation to get them to talk more. Oops - that is different!

So - they have to learn that not everything is an exam nor an individual contest. Not a race for smart people. Work together. Make trade-offs and decide based on incomplete information. Make mistakes and learn from them. Ask for help.

What is the deal with all these meetings? It makes me uncomfortable and nervous. I would rather work alone. I am shy.

Everyone new to the workplace is somewhat shy. That is completely normal. However, you can only contribute in a group setting if you listen, discuss, speak your mind, negotiate and convince. I am not going to tell you: "Don't be shy". But you will have to overcome you shyness partly. Because bidirectional communication, that is what meetings are for. They synchronize a team effectively and make sure people follow through on the tasks they were assigned. They facilitate creative processes, like a brainstorm. Does not matter if meetings are in person or on video conferencing.

Here are a few tips for meetings: Come prepared. Submit your follow-up on action items the day before the meeting. That limits the chance you get called out in the meeting. Rehearse what you want to say. Only say things that add to the topic - something small and insightful is good enough. Don’t feel you have to say something on every subject. Don’t repeat yourself. Sit straight up, practice an audible volume (young people usually whisper), put your phone away. Is there a dress code? Follow it, don’t overdress (although that is nearly impossible in my eyes, but I am an old Dutch guy). At least, dress a little bit better than the average in the room. Try to control nervous ticks by practicing with friends, like avoiding to touch your face or play with a pen. Let your friends point out what you have to work on, they’ll love it and they will help you - that is what friends are for.

Presentations are scary. I really don’t like presenting. What can I do to avoid this? (Nothing). Presentations are a tool to sell an idea in a meeting. It is the #1 go-to format. You can’t avoid presenting. Better learn it. The world is full of bad presenters. The famous Death By Powerpoint is what we get as punishment for raising a generation of poor presenters. Here is some good news: it is actually easy to learn. Becoming a good presenter requires 10-20 hours of practice and 10 rounds feedback from others.

Here are a few tips: When you have to present, stand up, when you have seen others do that, even if it is only a few people. It works. Address the audience, look them in the eyes, one by one, from left to right and back. Say what you need to say, don’t read everything from the slides because people can actually read, you know! Don’t ask them to close their laptops. Your voice, your presence and your story should draw them in. From every slide, remember what the point is that you want to make - and make that point. Walk up to people that interact with you, but look away from whiners - turn your back to negative people that obstruct your presentation. Ignore them. You don’t need that in this phase of your career. Management loves it when you shut down unnecessary discussion.

Study Obama, Steve Jobs and the great presenters of our time on Youtube. Then realize you are not Obama or Jobs. Instead study the better presenters in your company and observe they have one thing in common: they keep it short, sweet and simple. For slides, use a format of 5 slides, 5 lines per slide with one strong square picture, and about 5 words per line. That is a tested format. Nobody likes a 100-slide deck with 100 words per slide in a small font and Microsoft stock pictures. No matter how much time you spent on it. The best presenters compile a deck of 10-15 slides and then cut it down to the essence of 5 slides. A 5-slide deck with a little Q&A takes 15-20 minutes to deliver.

I feel like I am doing a lot for others, but they don’t do anything for me. Why don’t I get anything back? Do they hate me? There is a fair chance that your company does not just consist of assholes. Chances are they are normal people. So if nobody wants to help you, there could be other reasons. Either they don’t know who you are, because you have not been properly introduced, or there is a lack of interaction. If you don’t socialize, it will not be as easy for you to get things from people. You have to invest in them. And you go first, because you are new. If that comes not naturally, you will have to practice that. It is important you can relate to your coworkers and build a relation with them. If they like you, they will do more for you. This all comes down to being Empathy Focused. Whenever you are interacting with someone else, always ask yourself these three questions:

What do you need or need to learn from the other person? How can you help this person, or at least express gratefulness, appreciation or warmth, so your relationship with them deepens? And can you find a way of being genuine, let your personality show, let them know you better?

You are not in this alone. You should be getting some mentoring from the seniors around you. Ask for that. Vasu, a senior engineering lead in Apple said: "I’ve noticed that the teams and leaders receiving these young team members need to adjust as well, and be prepared to receive them. More often, the existing teams are stretched too thin to afford any meaningful mentoring. They need to read and practice your points just as much."

I would like to to thank the people that trusted me - the ones I had these conversations with. The rockstars of tomorrow, the number one source of my energy: the young people I work with.

Thanks for reading - please let me know of any other tips in the comments, I will amend and name the source as always. Couple of edits already done - thank you Eduard Lugovoy, Vasu Ganti and John McHugh!

Richard