Just doing my job?

When I run my ‘see kind’ wellbeing workshops, one of the first things we talk about is the meaning of kindness. What is kind?

To some extent, if the recipient feels that someone has been kind to them, that’s good enough for me. But I understand that some people want to have a more exact definition. So to get the conversation started, I decided to do some research and find out what other people say it means to them.

Varied definitions

It turns out that a lot of people say different things. One of my favourites came from an interview with former Mayor of Reading, Rachel Eden , who described kindness as:

“When you choose to do something you don’t have to do, just because you know it is a positive thing for another human being.”

I also looked at dictionary definitions to see if I could find something that matched more closely to each other. Interestingly, they don’t completely agree either:

• Collins Dictionary - Kindness is the quality of being gentle, caring, and helpful.
• Oxford Languages Dictionary – Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.

Although there is no single, definitive form of words, there are common elements that run through most explanations:

• kindness is active (something has to happen)
• there is usually some form of choice and intention in doing a kind thing
• there is a positive impact (on someone else and/or yourself).

Just doing their job?

Different elements carry varying weight with each individual. We all have our own interpretation and understanding. So there are always really interesting conversations in this part of the workshops. One viewpoint is the ‘but they’re just doing their job’ perspective.

This can be illustrated by a couple of example stories that were sent in to Time for Kindness.

A friend told me about a trip to a coffee shop. She said that when she went in the barista was helping an elderly customer. He had accidentally turned the ringer off on his mobile phone and couldn’t work out how to turn it back on again.

Mobile phone tech support probably isn’t part of the barista’s actual job description, but I’d wager that providing great customer service is. So including that help in his interaction with the customer added some kindness into the thing he was already doing (his job).

Just like the person in Sainsbury’s who showed a customer where to find the eggs. He’d seen her walk past the spot where he was stacking shelves a couple of times and when she went by again still with a puzzled look on her face, he stopped her and asked how he could help. Just doing his job, maybe, but I would still argue that it was a kindness he didn’t have to show.

Or good manners?

Another variation on this theme that often comes up is the idea that being kind is good manners or just what you’re expected to do. For example, this story sent in by someone who had to collect a rather bulky object from a DIY store. A lady coming into the shop held the door for them, which was kind of her as they had their hands full.

The story-teller went on to observe:

“I think typically I would have labelled this as politeness, but today it struck me that ‘old fashioned good manners’ and kindness may sometimes be one and the same thing.”

Not mutually exclusive

For me, it is worth remembering that these things don’t have to be either/or.

It’s not the case that you are doing your job OR you are being kind.

You don’t have to be showing good manners OR showing kindness.

It can absolutely be true that you are doing your job AND doing your job with kindness. Good manners can also fall into the category of kind actions as well.

If we choose to view these things as kindness, we immediately give them more positivity. And when we feel more positive all kinds of good stuff comes our way. From personally feeling better and more resilient, to working more collaboratively and making better decisions as a group.

Your challenge

So I’d like to set you a challenge: next time you are in a situation and find yourself thinking that someone is ‘just doing their job’, reframe their action as also being kind. See how much more uplifted you feel by thinking in a different way about what is happening. Notice if that makes a difference to the way you go about your day.

And if this is happening in a work context, why not tell your colleagues about this kindness? See what difference it makes to you collectively when you talk about it.

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?I understand that this is a new way of thinking for a lot of people, so if you would like me to talk on this topic at your event - to inspire and motivate your audience - get in touch so we can discuss how we can work together.

I am an independent kindness cheerleader and communicator on a mission to make noticing kindness the norm. I teach people techniques to build into habits that bring positivity and hope into their lives. I work with organisations to find ways to communicate their kindness stories, change attitudes and behaviours, and achieve their organisational goals. Find out more about my see kind talks and wellbeing workshops on the dedicated Time for Kindness site and my comms work on my comms website.