Just Control What You Can - And Be Happier

Long ago lived a slave-turned-teacher named Epictetus (pronounced "Epic-TEE-tuss) whose teachings will free our minds today - in this complex, chaotic and troubled world.

In ancient Rome, there were many slaves. And just as most American slave owners of the 1800's had mistreated their black slaves - so too did the Romans brutalize those in their "custody". Epictetus was treated like dirt by his owner who, at one point, chose to break Epictetus's leg (forcing him to walk with a limp for his entire life).??

Epictetus came to realize that as a slave - he had no control over his life. Many of us feel that way today.

This lack of control can lead to depression, helplessness and a sickening belief that we have no future.

To counter this, Epictetus created what he called the primary task in life for all of us - the thing we must do to retain our sense of well-being:

"Identify and separate matters as externals not under your control, and those which you can control".

As a slave, Epictetus had no control over the physical punishment given to him. But he made a list of those things he could control:

• Attitude
• Emotion
• Wants and desires
• Opinions, including those about what happens to us

Epictetus believed that for every single situation in life, there are 2 options: to see events as learning opportunities, or as destructive.

What choices we make in terms of our outlook will determine the kind of life we will have. And the kind of person we will become.

He believed that if we want to be happy, then it's not an easy life that we need. All we need to do is see our life, and the world, "in the right way."

It seems that our inner thoughts - opinions and outlook - create the reality we experience.?

The true power of this philosophy (part of "stoic" thinking), is the ability to "choose" whether we "allow" other people to hurt us.

Gandhi believed in this approach. As did Abraham Lincoln. In fact, Lincoln promoted people who criticized him - looking beyond the petty insults for the broader good.???

For Epictetus, life was not something to fight, but rather, to accept. He did away with the need to have life be different, and this acceptance, was the key to his power for it allowed him to make the most of the hand he was dealt.

Can we do that today? Can you make the most of what life you've been given?

Our greatest triumph is not in controlling externals, but rather, our own tempers, pettiness and egos.

Today, we can also benefit from Epictetus's view of materialistic things. As a slave, he owned nothing. And so, through his life, he had no attachment to "things". He believed that none of us actually own anything. We are simply temporary custodians. The home you are in today will be "owned" by someone else when you are gone.

Many of us even view our family members and friends as "possessions".

Epictetus had adopted a boy and came to realize that his son was not his possession. The boy's fate was outside of his control. His advice? Cherish your loved ones - yes. But accept that they belong to you only in trust and that they can depart at any time.

We have been through a great deal in the last year and a half. We've been horrified, saddened, afraid and anxious.

Now - we must see our own inner power.?

Rely on it. Trust it. Make it your best friend.