Just Because You Don't See It Doesn't Mean It's Not There

If you look closely at the image of the floral photography on my profile page, you will see a shadowy picture of me looking directly into the camera lens. It's a beautiful professional image of me that was taken years ago at a previous employer. I asked the photographer to retouch my photo and make me look flawless because I didn't want the real me to show. I didn't want my facial expression to show the years of anxiety and fears of knowing that I have to remind myself every day and say, "Don't be yourself." Why?

"My Masking Experience"

I have autism spectrum disorder (ASD), just one of the other human conditions like ADHD, Dyslexia, and Dyspraxia that falls under the neurodivergence umbrella.?"But you don't look autistic." As I have often been told by people who do not understand the meaning of autism spectrum disorder (ASD), it refers to a broad range of conditions characterized by social skills, repetitive behaviors, speech, and nonverbal communication challenges.??My situation is characterized by what was once called Asperger syndrome and high-functioning autism.?And in 2013, according to the American Psychological Association, those terms are no longer used.?So, if I may be direct, please don't use those terms anymore. Also, I have a question for those who reference my looks…

"What is Autism Supposed to Look Like?"

Speaking of being direct, blunt, and what others perceive as an overly aggressive tone, to name a few, are some traits I would exhibit resulting from sensory overload, which explains years of people telling me, "No wonder you can't keep a job."?Or "If you would only have kept your mouth shut…."?Shame on them. Wrong! They didn't know either; they thought I was just being combative or something was wrong with me; I felt so because I would go from being this enthusiastic, engaged, charming colleague and turn into someone that no one wanted to tolerate any longer.

"Time to Reveal Who I Am"

So, let's unpack what I've been called because of my behaviors in my 63 years of living on this earth; crazy, weird, stupid, gullible, strange, childish, slow, too sensitive, clueless and overreactive, mean, argumentative, insensitive, confrontational, and rigid. And on the other end of the spectrum, I've been called innovative, brilliant, intelligent, kind, caring, emphatic, energetic, funny, entertaining, creative, silly, and the life of the party. You would think all of those personas showing up at different times unexpectedly gave credence to inconsistencies in my employment history. DISCLAIMER: "Remember, we (my past employers and me) did not know I was autistic."

"Lessons Learned from My Masking Experience"

Despite many challenges throughout my career, I've learned that authenticity is about being true to yourself personally and professionally. It means being honest about your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, even if they're not always popular. It also means being genuine and transparent in your interactions with others.

There are many benefits to being authentic in the workplace. It can help you build trust and rapport with your colleagues. When people know you're being genuine, they're more likely to feel comfortable around and open up to you. This can lead to stronger relationships and better collaboration.

Authenticity can also help you be more successful in your career, and I'm living proof as a C-Suite Leader. When you're true to yourself, you're more likely to be passionate about your work and motivated to achieve your goals. You're also more likely to be creative and innovative because you're not afraid to think outside the box.

Of course, being authentic can be challenging, and again I'm living proof as an African American female with autism. There will be times when you feel pressure to conform or to put on a front. For me, it was masking and camouflaging every day, which is exhausting and emotionally draining. But it's important to remember that authenticity is worth it. When you're true to yourself, you're likelier to be happy and fulfilled in your work.

"I Accept and Embrace My Neuro-Inclusive Lifestyle"

Since my late diagnosis at age 58 and where I am now in my career, I've come to accept and embrace my authenticity and encourage others to do the same. Whether coaching, facilitating, speaking at events, or having courageous conversations with others, I encourage them to be authentic and let their true colors shine through. Try it! You'll be glad you did because, once again, I am living proof!