Want to Speak with Confidence?

"Many studies report that people's #1 fear is public speaking. #2 is death. This means the average person rather be in the casket than do the eulogy." - Jerry Seinfeld

Do you get ever nervous when speaking online or in person? Does that anxiety get in the way of you earning people's attention, support, and respect?

Want good news? Speaking confidently is a skill. You can get good at it just like you can any other skill - whether it's driving a car or using a computer.

These five tips on how to speak with F.L.A.I.R. can help you get in your wheelhouse - so you actually enjoy speaking - and your audiences enjoy your speaking.

F = FUN!

"I learned when I made people laugh, they liked me." - Art Buchwald

Do you think it's inappropriate to have fun in a serious presentation? Please rethink that.

Fun connotes confidence. It shows you’re comfortable in your own skin. In fact, your ability to relax and be yourself in front of a group is a sign that you won’t panic or choke under pressure and can be trusted to perform in stressful, high-stakes situations. e

In the Vancouver Olympics, #1 ranked snowboarder Shaun White was in danger of being eliminated after having a lousy first round. He and his coach decided the best way to prepare was to go into the back-country for some “goof off time.” Everyone thought he was taking a huge risk, but Shawn knew he’d lost his mojo and the only way to get it back was to “find himself by having fun.” His strategy paid off with a gold medal.

Yes, business presentations are “serious business;” but don’t make them SO serious you leave your personality and passion at home. Before you walk into the room, put a HEARTFELT SMILE on your face. Instead of focusing on fears which feed nervousness, “(What if I forget what I’m going to say?): fill your mind with thoughts that facilitate flow, “I am GLAD to have this opportunity to share what we’ve created. I am HAPPY to be here and I am LOOKING FORWARD to sharing our results.”

Once again, having fun doesn't mean telling jokes. It means using what I call "true humor" to increase likability so people are more likely to listen up.

L = LINK TO WHAT THEY LIKE

“Want people connect with what you care about? Compare it to something they care about.” – Sam Horn, author of POP!

Even after selling a business to Martha Stewart for millions, Jan Bruce of New Life Solutions didn’t feel as fulfilled as she hoped. She decided to research why she was feeling "bad" when she should be feeling "good."

Her research revealed that “stress is the new obesity.” It’s reached epidemic proportions and is costing companies billions. She developed meQuilibrim, an “online self-help program providing interactive education, behavior tools and peer support on a scalable basis.”

HUH? That explains what her business does – but we still don’t get it. And if we don’t get it, SHE won’t get our business because confused people don't say yes.

That’s where LINKING comes in. Linking your idea to something your decision-makers already know, like and respect provides a shortcut to comprehension and connection. A metaphor comparing your unfamiliar idea to something with which they’re already fond and familiar fast-forwards an AHA.

Ready to hear the brilliant one line “link to what they like” elevator intro Jan created? “New Life Solution is like Weight Watchers for stress.” OOHH. Got it.

What are you proposing? What is it LIKE? Parallel what you’re proposing to a proven entity to turn confusion into clarity. When you do this (i.e., “Jaws is like Moby Dick with a shark”) you’ll get an intrigued “oohh” which is a lot better than a confused “huh?”

A = Alliteration Gives People a Hook on Which to Hang a Memory

“I can remember everything but names, my keys ... and I forget the other thing." - Joan Rivers

Say these words. Best Purchase. Dirt Vacuum. Bed, Toilet, Shower. Kind of clunky, eh?Now make those words alliterative. (Alliteration is when words start with the same sound.) Best Buy. Dirt Devil. Bed, Bath and Beyond. More memorable, right? This is not petty. Repeatability is crucial to memorability.

When I spoke at a pitch boot camp at Microsoft’s Boston location, each of the entrepreneurs introduced themselves with a 2 minute bio. Their assignment? “Share your credentials so we are intrigued and impressed - and want to continue the conversation.”?

After everyone had their turn, I said, “Okay, I’m giving you $10 million. You just heard 20 entrepreneurs introduce their startup.?Who would you invest in? Look around the room. Do you remember any of the names of the individuals or their businesses?"

It was a sobering moment. Everyone realized that most of what they had just heard had gone in one ear and out the other. They realized that unless they did something special with THEIR intro, the business they’d worked on for months (years!) may not even register, much less be remembered by investors who’ve heard thousands of pitches.

Think about it. Many conferences feature dozens of panels and presentations. Unless you do something special to stand out, you’ll be out of sight, out of mind. If you care about your message, it’s your job to communicate it so crisply and clearly, YOU’RE THE ONE they remember, YOU’RE the one they want to talk to at the end of the day.

Here is how to craft repeatable-retweetable insights so you're the one people remember.

I = “In Your Body” Confidence

“My job is to talk; your job is to listen. If you finish first, please let me know.” – Harry Herschfield

I was speaking at an INC 500 conference with fellow presenters Seth Godin. Jim Collins, Tom Peters and Tim Ferris. People were on the edge of their seats, listening to every word. A female CEO of a billion dollar company spoke next. She walked to the center of the stage, stood with her feet together, and crossed her hands in the Fig Leaf Position.

Yikes. Standing with her feet close together made her appear off-balance, like she was a pushover. Plus, holding your hands in the Fig leaf Position is a defensive posture that makes you look like you have something to hide. It pulls your shoulders down and collapses your body which creates a Cower stance that makes you look submissive.

She started speaking with a high-pitched, sing-songy voice. Within seconds, the laptops came out and people started walking out. Which was a shame because she had valuable insights to offer, but many people didn't stick around long enough to hear them.

Whether it’s fair or not, people form their first impression - and decide whether you're worth listening to - by your posture, the volume of your voice, and your opening words.

A meek, weak voice sends the message you have trouble speaking up for yourself – you don’t believe you deserve to be heard. Those are red flags to anyone deciding whether to trust you and give you their valuable mind and time. Plus, speaking in a “Valley-Girl” voice makes speakers seem unsure, like they’re seeking approval.

A way to feel confident is to act confident - and the quickest way to do that in a virtual meeting is to make sure your computer camera is above eye level so you sit up straight and look UP at people vs. slump over and look down at people. Be sure your chin is UP (physically and psychologically) to command respect so people conclude you're no "slouch."

R = Rhythm and Rhyme

“It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing.” – Duke Ellington

After people's third Zoom call of the day, everything comes across as INFObesity. If you want your message to be remembered and acted upon; turn your most important point into a phrase-that-pays.

One way to do that is to use Rhythm.?Duke was right. When you put it in a beat you make it easy to repeat. Hence the enduring popularity of such memorable ad slogans as "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." "If you see something, say something."

Chances are, you haven’t heard those sayings for months, yet you can still say in the same cadence you first heard them. That your goal. When I prep clients for media interviews, we produce several pithy "money phrases" and then practice saying them with a?pause and punch. Many speakers?blush and rush. They jumble their words together because they're racing through their slides or trying to jam too much content into a short amount of time.

The consequence is people don’t “get” your main points which means your message will have no enduring impact. Not good. Put a three beat pause between crucial words or important statistics to make sure people have a chance to absorb and imprint them.

Another way to be remembered over time is to use?R = Rhyme. One of my favorite examples of this comes from the U.S. Government. They were concerned years ago about the number of fatalities in car accidents so they invested millions to create a public service campaign called … “Buckle Up for Safety.” Hmmm. Are you motivated to run out and fasten your seat belt? They went back to the drawing board.

This time, they crafted a slogan that rhymed,?Clickit or Ticket. Not only has that catchy meme caught on, the number of injuries and fatalities has actually decreased. Lives have been saved because of a well-crafted “phrase that pays.”

If you want to speak with confidence, if you want people to respect you, remember you and act on what you say, present with F.LA.I.R so people care.

F = The more FUN you have, the more fun your audience will have.

L = LINK what you care about to what attendees care about to create commonality.

A = Use ALLITEARTION to give people a hook on which to hang a memory.

I = Ground yourself by being IN YOUR BODY instead of IN YOUR HEAD.

R = Use RHYTHM and RHYME so your message stays top-of-mind.

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Sam Horn is the CEO of the Intrigue Agency. Her 3 TEDx talks and 9 books have been featured in the NY Times, on NPR, and presented to Intel, Cisco, Fidelity, Capital One, YPO. Want more ways to scale your success? Join Sam's How to POP Master Class.?