Just Another Run.

It is 4:35am on a Monday. I am running another 6 miles in the dark during a long Minnesota winter. It is so cold I forget what heat feels like.

It is 5:37am on a Wednesday. I am in the locker room at the YMCA staring at my sneakers as I prepare to grind 14 miles on an indoor treadmill.

It is 1:10am on a Tuesday. I am running 4 miles around a snow packed trail by a frozen lake that I cannot see, but I know is there. I am wearing a headlamp, a reflective neon hi-vis safety vest, gloves and many, many, many layers.

This is not me.?I am not a morning person. I am no runner.?

But, here I am.

I started running in 2020 during the pandemic, when all the gyms were closed. At the time, I set a goal to complete a 5k race. Then, in early 2022, I started gearing up for my first marathon. This early morning routine was part of my self-crafted training program.

My training also included a virtual challenge I ran in March called the "Goggins Challenge," created by, and named after, retired Navy Seal David Goggins. His challenge, also called the "4x4x48 challenge," is to run 4 miles, every 4 hours for a total of 48 miles.

Seriously.

Running is hard. And I hate to run. Let alone at 2:30am on 3 hours of sleep. But, I did it anyway – I wanted to get better at overcoming my own self-doubt that a difficult, seemingly impossible goal could be achieved.

I know I'm not alone in having feelings of insecurity, particularly when staring down a big challenge or daunting task.

In fact, a national organization recently published a survey where they asked the creative community to identify their biggest barriers to meaningful career growth. The number one answer? Impostor syndrome: the dreaded feeling that you will be exposed as a fraud. That, deep down, you're not qualified to do the job. Or maybe that you never will be, despite everything you do to try and improve.

The psychiatrist Carl Jung contended "that which you most need will be found where you least want to look." Said differently, the goals which you most want to achieve will require you to confront that which you least want to confront. There's no avoiding it, particularly if you want to have a meaningful career.

I wish there was an easy solution or quick fix.

Truthfully, as an introvert, 'imposter syndrome' is a feeling I'm very familiar with, even with 25 years of experience in the design and creative fields. It often comes with unproductive self talk like "I can't do this," "I'll never finish this," or "I'm not qualified." It can sometimes feel like in order to be successful, I need to contort into a pretzel to accommodate a perception that others have for how I'm supposed to show up: as a confident, articulate, persuasive and charismatic leader who always has the answers.

Instead, what I've learned is to use my feelings of imposter syndrome as imposter fuel – to push beyond where my mind is telling me I should stop. Changing my self-talk track may be impractical, but those thoughts don't need to determine how I show up or what I actually do. As a result, the notion of using imposter fuel to overcome challenges has become as important in my work and my life as it is when I run.

To finish the marathon, I had to climb over a metaphorical mountain of insecurity. And another one. And another one. I was not anticipating this at the start, but during my training, the notion of competing in the race became about myself against myself. If you've trained for any kind of endurance challenge, you probably know the feeling I'm describing.

This year, I'll be training for my first 50k ultramarathon, a trail run at Bryce Canyon held at 9,000 ft elevation in May. Eventually, I plan to run a 50 mile ultramarathon. And then, hopefully, a 100 mile ultramarathon.

If you're waiting for a feeling of confidence or motivation to get started on a task, be it to run your first 5k, train for your first marathon, or present a project at a client meeting, don't let your internal monologue stop you.

Instead, think of it as just another run.