Judgment: How It Shapes Our Lives and Holds Us Back

Today, I want to dive into a topic that touches every one of us, whether we realise it or not: judgment. We’re all familiar with it, whether it’s the judgments we pass on others, the judgment we feel from others, or—perhaps the harshest of all—the judgments we hold against ourselves. The funny thing about judgment is that it often says more about the one doing the judging than the one being judged.

But why do we judge, and more importantly, how does it affect us? Let’s explore how judgment shows up in our lives and how we can shift away from it to live with more compassion, understanding, and openness.

1. Why We Judge Others

It’s human nature to judge—it’s part of how we make sense of the world. Judgment often arises from comparison and the need to categorize what we see into boxes of "right" or "wrong." Our brains naturally look for patterns and differences, and judgment can be a way to feel a sense of control or superiority.

But here’s the thing: when we judge others, it often comes from our own insecurities or beliefs about ourselves. We project those feelings outward, judging others for qualities or actions that, deep down, we fear or dislike about ourselves. Judgment gives us temporary relief from our discomfort, but in the long run, it keeps us disconnected from others and prevents us from seeing them—and ourselves—clearly.

Reflection: The next time you catch yourself judging someone, pause and ask, What is this really about? Is it a reflection of something I feel about myself?

2. The Weight of Self-Judgment

While we may judge others, the judgments we hold against ourselves are often the most damaging. That little voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough, that you’re failing, or that you should have done better—that’s self-judgment. It can be crippling and prevents us from embracing our full potential.

Self-judgment shows up in our fear of failure, perfectionism, and even in our reluctance to try new things. When we judge ourselves harshly, we create a mental barrier that makes it harder to grow and move forward. This judgment often stems from internalized beliefs about who we "should" be or how we "should" act, based on societal or cultural standards that don’t align with our true selves.

Tip: If you’re feeling the weight of self-judgment, try journaling about where those thoughts come from. Ask yourself: Whose voice is this? Is it mine, or is it an expectation I’ve picked up from somewhere else?

3. Judgment and Its Role in Limiting Growth

One of the biggest consequences of judgment—whether it’s directed at others or ourselves—is that it limits growth. When we label someone (or ourselves) as "not good enough" or "wrong," we cut off the possibility for understanding and change. Judgment is rigid; it’s black-and-white thinking in a world that’s full of nuance and color.

When we approach situations with judgment, we shut down opportunities for learning, compassion, and connection. Think about a time when you were judged harshly—did it inspire you to change, or did it leave you feeling defensive and misunderstood? Now, consider the opposite: a time when someone approached you with kindness and curiosity instead of judgment. That’s where growth happens—in spaces that are open and accepting.

Tip: Try replacing judgment with curiosity. When you feel the urge to judge someone (or yourself), ask a question instead. For example: Why do I feel this way? What can I learn from this situation? Curiosity invites understanding, while judgment creates walls.

4. Moving Beyond Judgment: Practicing Compassion

The antidote to judgment is compassion. Compassion allows us to step back, see things from a different perspective, and respond with kindness instead of criticism. It doesn’t mean we have to agree with everything or accept bad behavior—but it means we approach situations with a desire to understand rather than condemn.

In the end, we never really know what someone else is going through. Their behavior or choices may reflect challenges we can’t see. When we choose compassion over judgment, we not only foster deeper connections with others, but we also free ourselves from the emotional burden that judgment brings.

Reflection: In your journaling practice, reflect on a time when you judged someone unfairly, and consider how compassion might have changed the situation. How can you apply that compassion going forward?

Conclusion: Letting Go of Judgment for a Freer Life

Judgment is a natural human response, but it’s also one that can limit our ability to connect, grow, and experience life fully. When we practice curiosity, self-compassion, and understanding, we not only open ourselves up to deeper relationships, but we also create space for personal growth and healing.

Letting go of judgment—both toward ourselves and others—allows us to live more freely and authentically. It lightens the mental load and invites us to experience life with a sense of openness, rather than confinement.