Judging Words When Counselling

Counselling for maternal and newborn health is an interactive process, between the Breastfeeding Supporter and a family, during which information is exchanged and support is provided so that the woman and her family can make decisions; design a plan and put this information into practice, specifically to meet their needs so that they can improve their health.

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The concept of “counselling” is new to many people and can be difficult to translate. Some people think it is the same as “advising”. However, counselling means more than simply advising. Often, when you advise people, you tell them what you think they should do. When you counsel, you listen to the people (and we have to listen more than we talk – because we have two ears and only one mouth!). We try to understand how they feel. You help the person decide (for themselves) what is best for them, from various options or suggestions. You help them to have the confidence to carry out their decision so they remain in control of their situation.

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Counselling skills for building confidence and giving support include:

1. Accept what a mother thinks and feels.

2. Recognize and praise what a mother and baby.

3. Give practical help.

4. Give relevant (but little) information – don’t want to overwhelm them.

5. Use simple language.

6. Make one or two suggestions (small “do-able” actions), not commands.

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Counselling skills for listening and learning include:

1. Use helpful non-verbal communication.

2. Ask open questions.

3. Use responses and gestures which show interest.

4. Reflect back what the mother says.

5. Empathize – show that you understand how she feels.

6. Avoid words which sound judging.

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Now regarding “avoid words which sound judging”:

Questions with words which sounds judgmental can make a mother feel worried that she has not "reached a standard" or that her "baby is not normal", and she may decide to hide how things are going if she feels inadequate. How are we going to be able to listen and learn from a mother if we are or sound judgmental? This is one of the hardest things for people to stop doing – even experienced Lactation Consultants still talk about things like “correct latch” and “proper positioning” - which are judgmental language. How are we going to build a mother’s confidence in herself and her breastfeeding if we keep judging them??

Example of a question using a judging word:

“Are you feeding your child properly?”

“Are you breastfeeding well?”

“Is the latch good?”

?A mother and the Breastfeeding Supporter may have different ideas about what “feeding properly” or “well” or “good” means. Also, notice these are all closed-end question. Open questions are more helpful and are less likely to be judging, for example: “How does your baby feed?" or “Can you tell me about your baby’s feeding?” or “How does the latch feel?”

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Examples of judging words are right, wrong, well, badly, good, enough, properly, adequate, problem – please (from now on) please try STOP using it and build a mother’s confidence in her ability to breastfeeding her child.