The Joy of Meeting Self-Sabotage and YET Putting your Voice out into the World

You know what's perhaps most fun about learning things about yourself aka self-awareness? When you ACT on what you now KNOW.

Knowledge + Embodied Beliefs + Consistent Actions = Transformation

Self-sabotage has been ranking high (possibly taking the #1 spot) as one of the key themes in my 2024 market research on coaching for leadership.

“Self-sabotage” can show up differently for each of us. It can mean different things to different people. Underneath it all, the challenge is perhaps this: something in you gets in the way of getting to what you want. Something in you holds you back when you know that if you ever did break this pattern, you would be hitting that 10/10 dream!

We might say things like ‘get out of your own way’, ‘raise your vibe’, ‘no one is coming’** or other unhelpful language that neither leads to action or worse, goes some ways to creating shame. I am not a fan of self-shaming nor any of those phrases mentioned above, trauma-informed post for another day.

THIS collaboration is two human beings taking strategic and messy action on what matters most to them - putting their individual voices out into the world, adding to the collective. WE is always more than me ;)

Suzy Rowlands , Public Speaking Coach, Writer & Artist, invited me to speak on her Substack podcast 'Unmute Yourself' on?the topic of...

How can Being Trauma-Informed Help Us to Put Our Voice Out into the World? ?

>>> CLICK HERE TO LISTEN <<<

If you are working through cognitive or behaviour patterns that block your unique self-expression at work, or leading from your expansive potential, and showing up for yourself - you might want to listen to our 30-minutes long conversation.

Key talking points from our conversation includes…

- what does 'trauma-informed’ mean,

- the fear of “getting it wrong” or to “be good”,?

- suppression and repression in high control environments,?

- breaking through the Comfort Zone through to the Stretch Zone, and not Panic Zone,

- working with a regulated nervous system, rather the fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses,

- the emotion of shame, the shame shutdown, and building shame resilience,

- finding safe people and spaces in which to find and use one's voice for personal growth

- saying yes to yourself as an act of self-trust and agency

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Suzy's deeply insightful questions are here, including timestamps in case you want to skip ahead to what interests you…

2.55 Why is being trauma-informed so vital when we are sensitive, empathic souls? How can it be helpful when we are endeavouring to put our magic out into the world, in whatever form that might be?

8:58 If someone has known a lot of suppression or been a master at repressing self, what might start to occur for that person as they start to step out of their Comfort Zone? ?

17:26 If our intuition has been ignored throughout life and we have become fragmented from Self, how do we know if we are ready? Whatever form our expression is coming from - standing in front of a crowd giving that speech, writing a blog, building our buiness - how do we know if we're ready?

22:18 What about finding our voice? Meaning, speaking from our own true essence* when our backdrop has been one of complex trauma, fear, or supression? (*To Suzy, true essence is "finding one's own voice in the world and trusting that that's ok...to speak with that voice, exercising self-trust".) ?

Here's the tea: our internal saboteurs are often parts that have been disowned, discarded, disregarded. Because we learned through lived experience that these parts of us are not welcome, desired, and instead, if we fit into the prescribed acceptable conditioning, we are acceptable, loved, approved of.

When we work through 'self sabotage', we learn to bring active self compassion for the process. These are parts of yourself. Parts that want to - at the very least - keep you safe, even if that means blocking your path to progress and personal growth. You can choose to bring kindness to these fragmented/ exiled parts to break THROUGH their patterns that sabotage.

I hope you find Suzy's and my conversation helpful to your journey of growth as a leader or business founder! >>> CLICK HERE TO LISTEN <<<

SUZY ROWLANDS publishes an article every Monday - "The Art of Expression," where she delves into the nuances of public speaking, catering specifically to empaths and sensitive souls who have traversed the realms of deeply rooted?fear?and?shame. CLICK HERE to follow Suzy on Substack?

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?** I understand the positive intention behind the phrase "no one is coming" and do not advocate the use of this language especially if you are navigating relational trauma and learning to build trust with self and others. Perhaps no one came before when you did need help and to be removed from a toxic or abusive situation. Help and safe people are here.