The Joy of Hiking with Men

Come on, let's take a hike

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From the song 'Cool River'

By Mango Jam

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I hike with men on weekends.

I hike by myself, my wife, and others, too. Yet, there is something exceptional about hiking with men that I find exceptional.

I began during COVID when the bi-weekly meetings of my secular men's support group, Men Mentoring Men (M3), were forced to go online.

I missed being in physical proximity to the men and sensed others did, too. Our first hike consisted of fourteen men.

We have since settled into a regular group of four to six, sometimes eight men, on any given hike. We typically hike for a few hours as a group two to three times per month. ?

It is a remarkable commitment for men to make and, in my experience, not typical. It made me curious.

What makes hiking together so compelling for the men? What yearnings do they satisfy in us? What makes them work?

Friendships, exercise, and time in nature combine to make a magic elixir that is exhilarating, fun, and food for my soul.

Time spent in the woods reduces stress, brightens mood, and physically and mentally restores oneself. The shared community of a group adds a spiritual component.?

Men crave extraordinarily safe male relationships, which are uncommon in everyday life. These get nurtured and deepened through hiking in nature together.

The boys within us need attention. Men and boys want and need to play, but we often forget this in our busy lives.

The five primary components that make group activities like hiking vital to men are:

1.??? Stone-breaking – a kinder term than the more common (b*ll busting)

2.??? Unvarnished conversation

3.??? Caring and affection

4.??? Time in nature

5.??? Communal exertion and exploration

Stone Breaking

Some readers may scoff at the need for this component. Is it truly indispensable? In a word, yes. It occurs naturally and spontaneously, and I have found it to be an essential part of meaningful time with men.

Busting on one another in sophomoric ways reminds us we remain boys, too. It acknowledges the boyishness in us that yearns to play. We suffer when we ignore this essential part of ourselves. ??

Breaking each other's stones is a way of poking fun at ourselves and our sometimes-ridiculous responses to the impossible restrictions placed on men.

When done with love, breaking each other's stones increases safety and bonds men together and increases safety.

Unvarnished Conversations

Sharing vulnerably as a man may not seem easy or even desirable for many men. ?Yet, it can be done more simply than you think. It begins with truth-telling – speaking openly initiates the space for creating psychological safety and establishing trust, which builds over time.

Through commitment and practice, men's conversations become vital, compelling, and relevant. As the horse claims in The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse, 'Being honest is always interesting.'

The commonly held belief that men do not want to talk is false. The truth is men want to share themselves with others, although they are often reluctant.

Candid conversations are how we get to know and appreciate one another. They help us realize we are not alone and separate from others but part of a connected community with similar experiences.

Caring and Affection

Another myth in our society is that men don't have the capacity to express love and tenderness. I dispute this belief.

It can be highly tricky for men. We can get criticized for not being more vulnerable and yet can be held in contempt when we are. Please note the stone-breaking mentioned above, which makes light of this challenging and perplexing predicament.

In my experience, men crave love from other men to feel accepted in the world of men. They need their manliness affirmed in a total sense.

When we meet and depart, hugging one another becomes a physical expression of love, appreciation, and acknowledgment of our shared experience.

Hugs supersede words and break taboos about men physically showing their affection for another man, expanding the range of possible emotional expressions by men. They are a way of affirming our masculinity.

Time in Nature

Spending time in the woods provides its own rewards. Our physiology connects with the natural world, soothing our bodies, hearts, and minds.

Doing so collectively with others adds to the palpable mix of positive energies that are recognizably felt.

The physical exertion of hiking is integral to the experience, both individually and collectively. The exercise releases endorphins that elevate our moods.

Communal Exertion and Exploration

Emotions are contagious.

Men hiking together creates collective energy between them.

Seeking out new places to hike, exploring the woods, and determining which paths to take adds adventure.

The sum of these intertwining elements makes the hiking experiences irresistible. They even draw interest from men who don't hike because the energy of the men who do is so infectious.

I have found the hikes so critical that I have developed a service offering based on them called 'Hikes with Rob.' These consist of introductory one-on-one coaching encounters to talk through experiences, hone in on what's most essential to you, and gain clarity about the changes needed to live and lead your life with fewer regrets.

Please reach out to me if you are interested, and we can discuss 'Hikes with Rob' in further detail.

Worthy Considerations:

1.??? What kind of friendships do you have with other men? Do you have male friends you can confide in??

2.??? Can you imagine non-adversarial and non-competitive relationships with men? What might these extraordinarily safe connections offer you??

3.??? When did you last spend time in the woods, feel grounded in your body, or feel at ease and invigorated with a group of men?

4.??? How might having fun with other men inform and improve your life and leadership? What would it make available to you and others?

5.??? What could you learn by paying attention to the boy inside you and playing with other men? What would blossom in you if you did?

If you want to discuss ways to develop and grow your leadership to benefit yourself, your team, your family, or your organization, please reach out to me. I welcome the connection.

Robert Hackman, Principal, 4C Consulting and Coaching, helps people live and lead with fewer regrets. He grows and develops leaders through executive coaching consulting, facilitation, and training of individuals, teams, and organizations. He is committed to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. He facilitates trusting environments that promote uncommonly candid conversations. Rob is also passionate about the power of developing Legacy Mindsets and has conducted over 50 Legacy interviews with people to date.

A serious man with a dry sense of humor who loves absurdity can often be found hiking rocky elevations or making music playlists. His mixes, including Pandemic Playlists and Music About Men, among others, can be found on Spotify.

Bravely bring your curiosity to a conversation with Rob, schedule via voice or text @ 484.800.2203 or [email protected] .