Journeys Through Healing: Rebuilding After Stroke Through Sleep and Recovery

The human body is an extraordinary thing—it can endure, adapt, and heal in ways we sometimes forget. But the journey of healing, especially after a significant trauma, is not a straight line. It’s a winding path, often filled with frustration and the need for an extraordinary amount of patience. Alexandra, one of my clients, has experienced this firsthand.

Alexandra is in her 50s, a North Asian woman who has dedicated her life to her career and her family. She’s lives in New York, is the Head of Talent Management and DEI at a Fortune 500 company, and her passion for her job is matched only by her love for her family. But on December 27th, 2023, everything changed when she suffered a stroke that left her paralysed on the left side of her body. Her journey to recovery has been nothing short of remarkable, filled with challenges, breakthroughs, and a lot of hard work.

One of the most persistent issues Alexandra has faced since her stroke has been her inability to sleep. Before the stroke, sleep was already elusive for her. After the stroke, it became even more fragmented—she would wake up five or six times a night, needing to use the restroom or simply lying in bed, frustrated and unable to fall back asleep. Like so many of us, Alexandra found herself turning to her phone at night, scrolling through online stores, engaging in what she called "shop therapy." The cycle was exhausting.

When we started working together, it was clear that if we could help Alexandra sleep better, her body and mind would have the chance to heal more deeply. Sleep is one of the most restorative processes for the brain, and for someone recovering from a neurological event like a stroke, it’s critical.

Sleep as a Cornerstone of Recovery

Alexandra shared with me that her sleep issues were exacerbated after her strokes. She found herself waking up multiple times a night, sometimes using the restroom 5-6 times, and often lying awake for hours, shopping online or simply feeling frustrated. Her body, already in need of rest for recovery, was stuck in a cycle of exhaustion. The longer the sleep problems persisted, the harder it became for her to focus on her rehabilitation.

Together, we started to explore ways to create a sacred space for sleep and to reduce the stress that was making her nights so restless.

A New Sleep Routine: Creating a Sacred Space

To begin with, we worked on designing a nightly ritual for Alexandra—a process of winding down that would prepare her body and mind for rest. Sleep, we realized, needed to become more than just an end-of-day activity; it had to feel sacred, a moment where Alexandra could truly relax.

We developed a routine that included some familiar comforts and a few new techniques. Before bed, Alexandra would brush her teeth, light incense, and apply hand cream. She would pour herself a small glass of wine, sit down on the edge of her bed, and allow herself a moment of quiet reflection. The idea was to make the bed a place of relaxation and restoration, something she looked forward to rather than dreading because of her sleepless nights.

Non-Sleep Deep Rest: Resting the Body Even When Sleep Doesn’t Come

But we knew that even with this routine, there would be nights when sleep might still escape her. For those moments, I introduced Alexandra to a practice called Non-Sleep Deep Rest (NSDR). This technique is designed to help the body rest even when the mind refuses to shut down.

I guided her through the steps: closing her eyes, focusing on the infinite darkness around her, and imagining that space expanding in all directions—above, below, behind, and in front. The goal was to immerse herself in the quietness of the mind, creating a feeling of rest, even if sleep wasn’t possible. The body, after all, doesn’t always need sleep in the traditional sense. What it needs is a state of calm and relaxation.

By focusing on the expansion of space and allowing herself to rest in the darkness, Alexandra was able to experience periods of restfulness that helped reduce her anxiety about not sleeping. This practice became an anchor for her on restless nights, reassuring her that it was okay to rest in this alternative way.

Breathing Exercises: Finding Calm in the Breath

We also worked on integrating breathwork into her daily routine. Sleep is closely tied to our nervous system, and for Alexandra, regulating her breath was a key factor in calming her body and preparing it for rest.

One technique we practiced was box breathing—inhale for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts, and hold again for four counts. This rhythmic pattern helps to signal the body that it’s time to relax, activating the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the “rest and digest” state.

I also emphasised the importance of tongue positioning during breathing. Proper tongue placement—on the roof of the mouth—helps support nasal breathing, which is essential for quality sleep. When the tongue falls back, it can block the airway, causing the body to believe it’s suffocating, triggering micro-awakenings during sleep. By training her tongue to rest in the correct position, Alexandra not only improved her sleep but also reduced the strain on her jaw and airway.

Tongue Positioning and Breathing for Better Sleep

It may sound surprising, but the position of your tongue has a profound impact on your breathing, your sleep, and even the shape of your jaw. When we’re born, our tongue naturally rests on the roof of the mouth—it’s the correct position that we instinctively adopt. But as we grow and begin using pacifiers or are bottle-fed, we can lose this natural posture, untraining our bodies from what’s actually a fundamental part of our health.

The roof of the mouth is specifically shaped to cradle the tongue, and the tongue, being a muscle, needs to be properly positioned and strengthened throughout our lives. It plays a crucial role in maintaining the airway open, ensuring smooth nasal breathing, and contributing to the development and structure of the jaw. A tongue that rests at the roof of the mouth helps to maintain the proper alignment of the teeth and the shape of the face. More importantly, it influences the quality of our breath, which directly impacts the quality of our sleep.

For someone like Alexandra, who has been struggling with sleep disruptions since her stroke, this simple adjustment in tongue positioning can make a noticeable difference. When the tongue rests improperly—either at the bottom of the mouth or against the teeth—it can cause disruptions in airflow, leading to snoring, sleep apnea, or general poor-quality sleep. Proper tongue positioning encourages nasal breathing, which is not only more efficient but also essential for maintaining optimal oxygen levels during sleep.

Training the Tongue as a Muscle

The tongue is often overlooked in discussions about muscle training, but it’s one of the most vital muscles in the body. Like any other muscle, it requires exercise to stay strong and maintain its proper function. For Alexandra, we introduced tongue exercises to help her retrain this essential muscle and keep it in its correct position throughout the day and night.

One of the exercises I taught her was a simple tongue press—placing the tongue against the roof of the mouth and gently pressing upward for a few seconds at a time. This strengthens the tongue muscle and encourages it to naturally rest in the correct position. Over time, this muscle memory helps ensure that the tongue stays where it belongs, supporting better breathing patterns and, ultimately, better sleep.

The Link Between Nasal Breathing and Sleep Quality

Nasal breathing is essential for achieving restful, uninterrupted sleep. When we breathe through our nose, the air is filtered, warmed, and humidified, which creates a more comfortable and efficient process for the lungs. But when the tongue is positioned incorrectly, it can fall back into the airway during sleep, particularly when we’re lying down. This partially blocks the airway, causing the body to sense a lack of oxygen.

When this happens, the body reacts as though it is suffocating. The brain sends an emergency signal, jolting us awake to gasp for air. This momentary waking may only last seconds, but it can happen repeatedly throughout the night. The result is fragmented, poor-quality sleep, where the body never truly rests. For people like Alexandra, this constant cycle of waking can be not only physically exhausting but also deeply stressful.

By retraining the tongue to rest at the roof of the mouth, we help ensure that the airway remains clear, allowing for smoother, uninterrupted nasal breathing. This alone can improve sleep quality significantly, reducing the frequency of waking up gasping for air and making the entire sleep experience more peaceful and restorative.

Looking Ahead: The Ongoing Journey of Healing

Alexandra’s journey is far from over, and like all healing journeys, it will continue to evolve. There will be days when progress feels slow, and the frustration of not being able to do what she once did will surface again. But with each day, each small victory—whether it’s a better night’s sleep or the ability to move her fingers more fluidly—she moves closer to reclaiming her body and her life.

Alexandra’s journey is far from over, and like all healing journeys, it will continue to evolve. There will be days when progress feels slow, and the frustration of not being able to do what she once did will surface again. But with each day, each small victory—whether it’s a better night’s sleep or the ability to move her fingers more fluidly—she moves closer to reclaiming her body and her life.

Healing, especially after a stroke, is not about getting back to who you once were—it’s about discovering who you are now and learning to embrace that version of yourself. Alexandra is learning that it’s okay to slow down, to nurture herself, and to celebrate her progress, no matter how small. This is the heart of true healing—compassion, curiosity, and allowing ourselves the time we need to grow.

For Alexandra, and for all of us, recovery is not a destination but a journey. Each step brings new opportunities for growth, for learning, and for rediscovery. Through tools like breathwork, playfulness, and visualisation, we can all find ways to support our bodies and minds in healing, one day at a time.

Rethinking Alcohol and Sleep

One of the habits Alexandra relied on for relaxation was having a glass of wine before bed. While the wine helped her feel tired, we discussed how alcohol can affect the quality of sleep. Alcohol might help us fall asleep faster, but it disrupts the sleep cycle, particularly in the later stages of the night, contributing to more frequent wake-ups.

We didn’t want to eliminate all of her comforts, so instead, we agreed that she would reduce her alcohol intake and experiment with using a smaller glass. The goal was to maintain the relaxing ritual but limit the negative impact on her sleep. Over time, as her new sleep routine became more effective, Alexandra found herself cutting back on wine naturally.

The Power of Rituals in Healing

What became clear throughout our sessions was that recovery—whether it’s physical or emotional—requires structure. Alexandra’s new sleep routine was more than just a series of tasks; it was a way to reclaim control over her healing process. Sleep became something she could work toward, not just something she longed for. And in creating a sacred space for rest, she was also creating a space for healing.

The result? Gradually, Alexandra began to experience longer stretches of uninterrupted sleep. Her body, no longer trapped in a state of stress, could rest, recover, and repair. And as her sleep improved, so did her energy levels, mood, and ability to engage in her daily rehabilitation exercises.

Lessons for All of Us

Alexandra’s journey reminds us that recovery is about creating environments—both mental and physical—that support our healing. Whether you’re dealing with sleepless nights, recovering from a stroke, or simply navigating life’s daily challenges, these tools can make a world of difference.

Here are a few takeaways from Alexandra’s story:

1. Create a Sacred Space for Sleep: Transform your bedtime routine into a ritual that signals to your body that it’s time to rest. Make your bed a space of calm and comfort.
2. Practice Non-Sleep Deep Rest: When sleep won’t come, focus on resting your body and mind in other ways. The deep rest technique helps create a sense of relaxation even if you aren’t asleep.
3. Focus on Breathwork: Use breathing techniques like box breathing to calm the nervous system and prepare your body for sleep. A simple breathing pattern, like 4-4-4-4, can help soothe anxiety and bring you into a state of relaxation.
4. Master Tongue Positioning: Proper tongue placement—at the roof of the mouth—supports nasal breathing, which is crucial for restful sleep. If the tongue falls back and blocks the airway, your body senses it as a suffocation threat, causing you to wake up throughout the night. Training the tongue to stay in its natural position not only improves breathing but also enhances overall sleep quality.
5. Rethink Alcohol and Sleep: If you use alcohol to relax, consider reducing your intake. Even small changes can make a big difference in sleep quality.

Looking Ahead: Patience in Recovery

As Alexandra continues her journey, she’s learning that healing takes time. There are still restless nights, but they are fewer and less daunting. The most significant shift has been her relationship with sleep—and with herself. She is no longer fighting her body but working with it, showing herself the same patience and compassion she offers to others.

Her story is a reminder that recovery is not a straight line but a series of small steps, each one building on the last. And with each new night of rest, Alexandra is one step closer to reclaiming her strength, her peace, and her well-being.

About My Newsletter

Path to Wellness and Healing is a space where I share stories of healing, recovery, and transformation—whether it’s the journey through grief, chronic illness, or personal growth. My goal is to offer tools, insights, and real-life examples to help others find their own path to wellness. Each story is drawn from the work I do with my clients, highlighting the powerful connection between mind, body, and spirit. If you're on a journey of healing yourself, I hope this newsletter offers you the support and guidance you need.

About My Therapy Practice

I am a Systemic Therapist and Wellness Consultant specializing in holistic approaches to healing, recovery, and emotional well-being. My practice integrates modern wellness practices with ancient healing wisdom, creating personalized strategies for individuals facing life’s challenges—whether it’s recovering from a neurological event, managing grief, or enhancing overall well-being. Through a blend of mindfulness, breathwork, meditation, and therapeutic movement, I guide my clients on a path toward deeper healing and transformation. If you're ready to explore how I can support your healing journey, feel free to reach out to [email protected] .