JOURNEYING FROM "ME" TO "WE"

If you are asked to let go of ten rupees in your hand so your hands are free to receive a larger sum of money, say a thousand rupees, would you let go of the money in your hand? If you are given a certain amount of work and are given 2 more team members to divide the work and deliver results, would you say no to the additional manpower? It would seem quite logical to question the ludicrousness of these questions. Of course! When we are the beneficiary of getting more than what we have, we would welcome such favor with open arms. However, let us shift the scope of this review to another dimension.

Peeking within ourselves, when we must enlarge our heart and mind to accept suggestions, decisions, outcomes, and results that come from beyond our own thoughts and feelings, suddenly, the concept of ‘less is more’ creeps in and we kick the others out of our crowding mind so we can be the sole person in charge of our life’s decisions. During such moments, the parent, the friend, the doctor, the boss – though they are all welcome to say their part, they do not get the last word especially if their words are in conflict to what we want or desire.

Now as we age and mature, many of us learn to recalibrate our world view and understand the value of synergy that arises out of inclusion i.e., allowing the thoughts and words of those around us regardless of their stature, background, rank, etc., to influence our thoughts and actions so we can grow to be better. Unfortunately, there are some of us who continue to struggle with the fundamental realization that we have got to lower the “me” in a relationship to allow the “we” to prosper. This notion is not in contradiction to saying we all need our “me” time. Whether at work, or in life overall, as the seasons change, so do our priorities of how we identify with others and the choices of when “we” takes precedence over “me”.

For example, when we are single, hanging out, partying, dating, etc. amplify the “me” part of us. Whether things turn out fantastic or disastrous, they boil down to impacting the “me” part of us. With time, when we get into a relationship or even married, joint responsibilities start amplifying the “we” part of us and our identity starts blending to creating a unique partnership. Similarly at work, as an individual contributor, setting aside the macro context that everything we do affects the organization, our individual contributions directly relate back to our success or our failure. However, as our role grows to take responsibility for other employees, the sense of success and failure shifts from “my” efforts alone, to “our” efforts as a team.

So, as interesting and complex as our human mind is, it is evident that it struggles to nurture inclusion that can question whether the “me” part of its identity is truly holding the reins of its life, while effortlessly welcoming benefits involving others, that favor and pamper the “me” within (e.g., The money and extra team members mentioned at the beginning of this article). However, I would like to present you with a different point of view today: We can learn to consciously nurture and develop inclusion without threatening to dilute the importance of “me” in our identity, when we shift our mental focus from viewing others as a threat or opposition, to viewing them as having something of value that can enhance who we already are.

Drawing from my life’s experience, as a young professional, when my wings were once clipped by my mentor, he said, “if you truly want to grow, put yourself in a room full of people smarter than you”. Hard as his words were to swallow at the time, l chose to accept his advice and looking back now, I see my life has been enriched through tremendous learning and grooming which has only helped shape and build a stronger and more effective “me”. While I started out wanting to establish “my” identity so others could see me the way I saw myself – capable and deserving – I thankfully grew up to understand that my identity was not threatened, but rather was enhanced by including others and allowing their influence to enlarge my world view.

Think of it this way – we do not always get to choose who we work with, the family we are born into, the outcome of circumstances beyond our control (eg. COVID), but we can always learn from the good and the bad, if we are willing to nurture an inclusive mindset. Do you see a colleague or a superior who is excellent at his/her work but has a condescending attitude that you cannot stand? Remember, we all are a package deal – none of us are perfect. With that modest perspective, choose where you place your focus – choose to focus on the excellence that you can learn from that colleague instead of on the condescending attitude that bothers you.

Your decision to shut a person out, often has less to do with who he/she is and has more to do with where your focus on him/her is. I will leave you with this thought. One of the earliest management lessons I learnt was, to complete the below sentence:

?You are as ______________ as the ______________ member of your team.

?Try filling in the blanks as you see fit. You will realize with time, that these blanks follow an inverse relationship. For example – You are as strong as the weakest member of your team, or you are as fast as the slowest member of your team…. In a collective environment – be it work or family – your individual identity will help fuel the collective identity of the team/family/etc. So instead of feeling threatened by others and their views at home or work, think of how you can stand to benefit by including them in your journey of growth and how you can contribute to their journey as well. As you reflect on how you currently fill the blanks to the above sentence with respect to your life, and as you realize whether you are the strongest or weakest link in your collective environment, may you start investing genuine time and effort to expand your world view from “me” to “we”, for your benefit and for the benefit of all those around you!

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