A Journey Worth Completing

In life we go on all sorts of journey's, and some are exciting, while others are inspiring and yet others are often down right scary, but necessary.

I too have taken many journey's, but none can compare to the one I began on May 5, 2022, which was the day I learned I had stage 3 rectal cancer. I still remember my first thought even as I was still foggy from the anesthesia I was under during my first colonoscopy. I vividly remember holding my wife's hand tightly and looking straight into the doctors eyes when I said, "OK what is the plan."

When my oncologist gave me the option on how to proceed with treatment he was brutally honest with us, he looked at my wife and said, "if he is not going to make it I will tell you". Then added, "we are going to try and kill your husband, to save him". That will get your attention. But we were all in, as they say.

And so began the journey which has been the hardest thing I have ever done. Over the course of the past 883 days since that day, I went through six months of chemo, 28 rounds of radiation. A colon resection surgery with ileostomy and a ostomy reversal surgery 14 months later. But what took place along the way were hard days, some of the hardest in my life. Days when I could barely muster the strength to get out of bed. I remember telling me wife I now knew why people choose to give up...because it is so hard.

I have kept a journal of this journey since the day of my diagnosis. And as I read through some of my entries like these, it reminds me of just how hard it was.

August 12th 2022

Had a couple of rough days...just over all tired and lethargic. Cut back on the meds to see if that helps. This morning I feel much better, even drinking coffee for the first time this week. It tastes so good! Need to get strength back before next infusion on Monday.

?August 15th 2022

Well I began chemo interval #3 today reaching the halfway mark of my treatment schedule. Only this time it is kicking my tail...I am like a rag doll right now. Foot and finger cramps, blurred vision, weakness in legs, but still a good appetite. Had Jeans spaghetti for lunch, it was oh so good! Love you Jean.

?August 20th 2022

It's been a tough week, this round of chemo really knocked me down. Fingers are peeling and very sensitive. Just overall little energy, even my focus is affected. Last couple of days, my tummy have been burning. Not comfortable at all. Appetite still ok but eating less. Gotta stay positive...almost half way through. God is good

Sept 4th 2022

Well...its been awhile and for good reason. The chemo med knocked me down but good. Starting with diarrhea which has continued, my energy was zapped...so much so I ended up in the hospital on Thursday Sept 1st...had 3 full bags of IV fluids, multiple tests including CT of abdominal and pelvic area, blood work, stool and urine also. Blood work was pretty good, white blood cells were within range and stool and urine revealed no major issues. Ruled out a host of bacterial infections. One result of the CT was an minor swelling of the intestines due to the chemo...toxins which have to flush through my system. As of today I feel stronger and more alert then I have in a week, appetite is slowly showing signs of improvement and the severe burning in my belly is milder...New meds are helping I believe.

Due to all this my next chemo has been postponed...will know in Thursday at my next check up. I'm really glad to get the break, my body needs to recover so I can get through these last three treatments and onto full healing. My faith is strong and I remain positive...without Jean I would be lost, she has been amazing as always. We also have had neighbors bring us food and dessert. So very blessed we are.

As I read through these entries it reminds me of how low I was and how far I have come with God's healing. There is one thing that never was an option for us, to give up. We were not going to give in.

I have said from the very beginning of this journey, there is a reason and purpose for all that we have endured and God would reveal it exactly when he was ready for me to know. There have been moments when I thought I was receiving his word, but we are still waiting. We cannot rush God, and so we wait.

Since my last surgery in May of this year, my body has continued to heal and while I will have periodic scans and blood work to keep tabs on any changes. My oncologist declared the cancer I had I no longer have. That said, we have to remain vigilant with tests and monitoring.

This health journey has consumed 1/30th of my life as of today, but it will last for the rest of my days from here on out. Completing the journey is the goal, but in truth the journey will be a daily reminder of all we have overcome.

If I can offer inspiration to anyone who is going through a similar journey, it would be that keeping a positive outlook can be the difference maker. No matter how tough the days are, or how ill you may become. Don't allow doubt to sneak in, focus on the journey not the outcome. And then when you make it through you can look back and know you did it.