Journey Through Layers: Embracing and Navigating Anxiety with Grace

February has arrived. How are you doing?

For me, I am still feeling as though I am settling into 2024, which came with a lot of ups and downs. The past couple of months have been a season of deepening my learning about my own anxiety. I've gone through many transitions recently: changing jobs, transitioning my business to part-time work, moving to a new place, and exploring a church community to be part of.

Any change comes with uncertainty and adaptation, and this season of many changes prompted me to reflect again on my relationship with anxiety. This reflection was triggered by an incident a few weeks ago when I joined a meeting with senior stakeholders for important client project planning. As I sat observing during the meeting, I started having difficulty following the conversation because the context and terms were brand new. I heard names that I had no context for yet and was furiously trying to capture what’s been shared so that I could go back later and review these notes to make sense of them. Although I remained active in my listening, I wasn't sure at the end of the meeting if we had arrived at the exact outcome we had hoped for. Basically, I felt lost. I knew my anxiety was creeping up as my breathing became shallow, and I felt the tension in my forehead. I knew I was anxious.

Many of us have these moments, especially when going through a new phase of transition. Having been through many moments of anxiety recently, I took this as an opportunity to deepen my learning about my own anxiety and how I've become a little better at being with it.

Layers of Anxiety

In my continued reflection on my own anxiety, I discovered there were three distinctive types of anxiety that I was experiencing, and here are these three:

The first one is Performance Anxiety: "Am I performing well?" That little doubt in your head is performance anxiety. This layer was the immediate response to the fear of not measuring up. The daunting question of whether my work quality would meet expectations became a constant hum in my thoughts.

The second one was "Relationship Anxiety": Beyond the work, the uncertainty of fitting into the new team and culture added another layer. It was the ambiguity of social interactions and the fear of not belonging that weighed on me from time to time.

As I observed my own anxiety, I discovered that these two anxieties are connected to a deeper self, which I call "Identity Anxiety." At the core of these anxieties lay a deeper, more existential layer—questioning my own worthiness. "Am I good enough?"

What was helpful about seeing my own anxiety in different layers was that while there are common steps to deal with my anxieties, I can also employ different approaches based on their challenges.

For example, as I was going through performance anxiety, particularly in the context of learning new things, I had to have an honest conversation with myself about feeling anxious and nervous about when I will be competent in delivering my own work with enough knowledge.

Then, I initiated a couple of small actions that helped me gain better clarity and knowledge. I asked all the “silly” questions to my colleagues and manager and started writing down what I have learned each day. Writing down my learning helped me recognize my growth that day and gave me a little more confidence and hope that tomorrow I will show up better. These small practices are helping me build a good anchor to deal with my performance anxiety.

As for relationship anxiety, I had to reconnect with my own sense of belonging.

I asked myself, “Where do I truly belong? What does it mean for me to belong in this new environment?” This is not an easy question to answer, especially for someone who has lived as an immigrant for many years. Finding a sense of true belonging based on different geographical locations or diverse cultures can be no easy feat for people. Yet, these moments brought me something. I found my working version of my own sense of belonging.

“I belong wherever I am. I belong to God, who is everywhere and every time.”

As I reconnected with my source of belonging, my anxiety around relationships slowly dissolved. If I can fulfill my sense of belonging through my spiritual journey, what do I have to be afraid of in feeling not fitting in? I belong here anyway.

Thirdly, my reflection on identity anxiety has been a never-ending journey, especially when these other layers of anxieties creep up together. From time to time, I feel like a lost cause. What has helped me navigate identity anxiety was remembering the love, compassion, and care I've experienced throughout my life and believing that:

• Every one of us here is born to be loved and cared for.
• Every one of us was born to fulfill our purpose.

And that applies to me.

Embracing Anxiety Gracefully

As I have laid out different layers of anxiety, what resonates with you? What experiences with your own anxieties are you reminded of?

If you are experiencing anxiety, I invite you to the following reflection:

1. Simply notice. What are you anxious about? Where in your body do you feel the anxiety?
2. Recognize that it is totally fine to feel anxious.
3. If you are dealing with performance anxiety, what’s one little stretchy action that can help you build up your confidence? Jot down.
4. If you are dealing with relationship anxiety, what’s one relationship in your life that brings a deep sense of belonging? If you don’t have it yet, what potential relationship can flourish to build a deeper sense of belonging?
5. If you are dealing with identity anxiety, what’s one area where you can provide more love and compassion to yourself? What words of encouragement do you want to say to yourself?

May our hearts become a welcoming ground for all facets of anxieties and continue to flourish this year.

With blessings and gratitude,

Gloria