On the journey of success, sometimes you will lose friends along the way, and perhaps a little more. But it's ok…..

When you are an aspiring entrepreneur, or journeyman (or woman) , you are going to have to accept that there is a price to pay in order to achieve your vision.

And sometimes, the cost of that is paid in 'people'> Sometimes, in money, and often, frequently, with pain, hurt & relationships.

So I want to tell you a story - of vision, hope, failure, discovery & ultimately, enlightenment. And if you'll stay with me just a little while as I share the journey, we each might learn something about ourselves and our individual paths.

If you’ve read any of my writings, you'll often see me refer to my "42 laws of Success", though even I am not immune from occasionally breaking my own laws. My 2nd law is "never bet more than you can afford to lose".

But I very nearly broke that, and it cost me dearly.

Last year I started a project , and when it failed, it very nearly cost me my life. Not that I had done anything so drastic as 'bet my life" or relationships - though that might often be an outcome of failure - though I will come back to that.

For context, I imagined that there was a problem in the Australian investor community, around a lack of collaboration (which actually later proved to be accurate). So I set about inviting other investor groups in the startup ecosystem to talk about how to 'play' & collaborate better.

Which on the surface, sounded like a grand & noble expectation - that investors might want to discover how to work together, for better, faster, quicker returns. Except for one tiny detail - whilst they might actually want that outcome, almost none seemed to want to collaborate, or discuss new methods on how to do that.

The short answer that I got back was "we already have our plans set, and know what we are doing. We don’t need to discuss how to innovate or improve our business model, because we've already got it figured out".

Have you ever heard that sort of argument before? I have - hundreds of times. Many years ago, I had a client company called Kodak - they used to say that sort of thing. Now where are they?

And when I was in the building industry in the late 80's & early 90's, I heard the same thing from cabinetmakers, joineries, furniture manufacturers, timberyards, builders and the like. And then the building crash of '91 happened, and 50% of hundreds of them went out of business in the space of just 9 months, whilst smart companies, like Reece Hardware, not only survived, but grew & thrived.

I remember driving up & down the streets of industrial areas of Melbourne, looking for the clients that had gone out of business, because they couldn’t innovate or think differently. More often than not, the mortgage foreclosure people never even bothered to put up a 'For Sale/For Lease sign', because there were few people willing to take over the lease. Some of those factories sat empty for years.

I wonder how many of those failed business owners 'bet more than they could afford to lose'?

But I digress - back to the story. That particular venture failure cost me plenty. At last count, $80k to run it, $60k after the fact to restitute for the failure, plus the $80k in profit that I should've made, but didn’t. By most people's calculations, that's almost a quarter million $ loss.

That's one helluv-an expensive lesson - not my most expensive, but certainly up there.

Except that it was price I was paying - no one else lost that money, or opportunity cost. Yet for some people, it felt ok for them to sit on the sidelines & judge.

As a result, I lost some friends. Some said I was wrong, crazy, deluded. Others were disappointed that I had failed; that in some way, as a result of my failure, I had let them down. And yet, it is ultimately, down to the founder to pay the price of failure.

I think it's important to state, for the record, that when you try, give it your all, and act honourably, and yet still fail, for people to walk away from you, that's their failing, not yours. None of us knows whether failure or success is around the corner from the next venture.

But if you act with integrity, as my Grandfather used to say "you never have to apologise for telling the truth". And if you can always do that, no matter how painful the truth is, you don’t have to accept responsibility for friends walking away. That's on them, not you.

And there was another price, one much darker & much more insidious. For parts of my life- and like many entrepreneurs- I've often suffered from episodes related to my mental health. I typically don’t highlight it, but neither do I hide the fact under a rock , like some deep dark familiaral secret, just waiting to be exposed.

Those who know me well, also know the trigger points, warning signs and calls to action. They can often see the causes, the symptoms, and are often on the lookout for what to do in the event of an emergency.

And I'm sharing this story, because I want you, who is- or might be - following in my footstep, to make sure that you recognise your own warning signs, & risk factors, and take step & measures to mitigate the risks associated with failure.

Why? We don't know each other - we perhaps might never meet in real life. But as a very wise mentor once shared with me," as we are mentored, so are we obligated to pass that on, in greater measure than we receive". That is the cost of 'guidance'; once you receive it, you have to give out more of it than you receive. And for those of us who truly believe in the concepts of guidance & mentorship, that's a "non-negotiable" bargain that cannot be broken once struck.

What I can tell you, is that failure will do 2 things.

Firstly, it will steal a little bit of your soul. You will - for a time - feel like much less of a person that you were. A hundred dreads, fears & regrets will fill your mind on a daily basis. You might be frozen, paralyzed, lost unable to act, or free yourself from the bonds of self-imposed slavery.

For almost 3 months, I couldn’t even answer the phone, let alone take a meeting.

And when I was at my lowest, I thought I had lost a piece too much of myself. Suddenly, finally, I believed that I had lost the right, as a result of this failure, to continue to participate amongst the human race. I do hope that the gravity & reality of that sentence is not lost on you.

Fortunately however, my 'A'-team, recognised what was going on, and kicked into gear. They each played their part, and soon enough, I was back talking, coherent, and re-engaged with the world.

The second thing, takes a little longer, but its key.

I read an article today about the analogy that when you "pray for a cake", the Lord doesn’t give you a cake, but He will give you the flour/eggs/milk/oven/bowl/spoon in order to make the cake. Some complain that they have been ignored or dissuaded from accessing the bounty of life. But others, perhaps a few, will recognise that the 'cake' isn't actually a cake at all, but the gift of creating it.

The same is true of money, or success. Money doesn’t fall from the sky. But the lessons of how to create or secure it, does, cleverly wrapped up & disguised in the form or hard work, disaster, experience, regret & failure. Our challenge is to catch those lessons as they come to us.

And I nearly didn't. I almost missed the lessons that life was trying to share with me. It was saying, 'that's not your path, but here's what you need to learn from taking the wrong path, and then you can discover the right path for you".

And suddenly, or perhaps finally, I woke up & realised what was going on. Suddenly, the fog & haze and depression lifted, and I discovered a level of clarity of thought and vision that I'd not had for perhaps a decade. Suddenly, I knew why I had journeyed down a dark path - it was a reminder to "next time, take a torch". I knew where I was, where I was going, and thankfully how to get there.

When the mists cleared, I saw over the next 50 years of my life, the ventures I would build, & the people I was destined to help. (do you have a 50 year vision?)

I wish for you on your journey, these moments of clarity. And though it's unfortunate, not everyone who starts with you on the journey, will finish it with you. So I want you to recognise that this is not your fault; it's their choice, and perhaps their own path, to not complete the journey with you.

Let it wash over you, accept it, and keep moving forward with passion, purpose & conviction. If the friends you lose along the way are meant to catch up, they will. And if not, then perhaps life has different lessons & experiences to share with them.

One of my moments of clarity is around how to help failing founders recover & restore from the effects of failure - you might call it a 'triage' service, named "Founders Anonymous", and you'll be hearing a lot more about it over the next few months. (there is a LinkedIn group already established).

And who better to help them avoid or recover from a failure than the guy who has failed more than most have had hot dinners?

The other was around exactly how to help aspirational entrepreneurs transition from their career to the venture they’ve been imagining. This one relates to a longer conversation so I think I'll keep that up my sleeve for a little longer.

But I'd like you to slow down, perhaps stop & pause , and think about what & who is important to you. Think about what you can offer, or do to help, and to bring them along on the journey with you.

But also, to accept that that is they choose not to, then that is there choice, and there's alone. Your mission…. Should you chose to accept it, it to allow the their own path, own truth, their own future, whilst you create yours.

#startups #venturecapital #founders #funding #innovation #investment #opportunity #failure #success #mentalhealth

About Daniel

Also traveling under the alias of 'That Startup Guy', I am a founder of StartUp Foundation (The Startup Accelerator for Experienced Professionals) and am intensely, deeply, passionately dedicated to "The intersection between personal mastery & business entrepreneurship".