Journey of Recovery

I am a cancer survivor.

Just the word “cancer” says a lot. I am not alone in terms of what I experienced, though many patients did not fare as well. I’m sharing a brief portion of my story here because some family members, friends, and associates have asked that I do so in hopes of inspiring others.

Some background.

I am no one special, though fortunately have experienced unusually good health throughout my life (cancer being the lone exception) with hardly more than a cold or hay fever being a concern. I had the usual childhood diseases and was vaccinated, as was typical of people my age, for polio and tuberculosis. I recall having had tonsillitis once as a kid and appendicitis as a teenager, but in both cases had no surgery.

As an adult, I had bronchitis once for a few days, but that was probably back in the early 1990’s. I experience atrial fibrillation (AFIB), but would never have known were it not for an EKG or my wife being shocked when she one day heard my heart’s bizarre beat while resting her head on my chest. Finally, like many who believe in science, I received the COVID vaccine and various boosters, and fortunately avoided COVID altogether while undergoing treatment for my cancer.

Discovery came in a roundabout way.

I had my annual physical and lab results were apparently “off”. My doctor suggested that I visit a nephrologist (i.e. a medical doctor who specializes in care and treatment of diseases of the kidneys). I could not imagine why as I neither drink nor smoke, plus exercise vigorously on a regular basis.

The nephrologist saw me about a month later and was very concerned. He needed to know more. Additional blood work was done and eventually determined that I was heading toward renal failure. But why?

A CT scan was quickly ordered and that told us a good deal about what was transpiring. However, it also turned out to show just the tip of the iceberg.

Scary words!

The nephrologist was very reluctant to say what he interpreted from that CT scan, insisting that I see an oncologist (i.e. a medical doctor specializing in cancer) right away. He helped me get? an appointment the very next afternoon.

The oncologist was stunned when I walked into his office. Based on what he read in my medical record he expected to visit me in the ICU, anxiously taking pain medications due to breathing issues, lymph nodes severely swollen throughout my body, and a majorly enlarged (and relocated) spleen. Instead, I had continued to work out and strolled into his office as if nothing at all was wrong, other than experiencing more fatigue than usual. Alas, the reality of his words hit me and my wife hard. Really hard! (Note: Joy anticipated my coming anxiety based on her own experiences as a breast cancer survivor, so accompanied me and took extensive notes so could update family members and friends, plus remind me of things I might have blocked out.)

Faced the music.

Very concerned, the oncologist urgently ordered a PET scan for greater detail. The results were alarming: cancer was everywhere in the lymph system, including the spleen. Furthermore, the scan confirmed a bone lesion and a fair amount of fluid around my left lung. (My insides looked like a Christmas tree on the PET scan!) Apparently, there was also damage to the kidneys, hence the nephrologist’s concern. The oncologist then sent me immediately to the hospital, having me checked into the ER so a room, additional scans, and biopsies could be expedited.

The additional scans, multiple biopsies, and drainage of fluid from around my left lung were done the very next day. Analysis was quick … and mind-blowing: non-Hodgkins lymphoma, stage 4. I was to be given 18 weeks of chemotherapy, using the RCHOP formula, as part of a 6-treatment regimen. The primary drug to be administered, doxorubicin (also known as the “Red Devil”), was known to be extremely debilitating.

When we asked about a prognosis, all the oncologist would say is that stage 4 could maybe be controlled and that he didn’t want to talk further about it at this time.

Incredible team of medical professionals!

Indeed, I was fortunate to have wonderful doctors and teams which did the scans, biopsies, etc. I also can’t find enough praise for the nurses who administered the chemo treatments at the cancer clinic; they were thorough, helpful, and supportive. However, I finished my stay at the hospital bloated from all the liquids given to me and, between those and the strength of the drugs, struggled to walk from one end of our house to the other. Many times I went from the bedroom to the kitchen and was left breathless.

Focused on getting well and little else.

I was told not to exercise or even walk the dog, as if I had energy for either of those activities. Joy was awesome taking care of the pets, making meals, and putting up with my fatigue. I tried to help one day by getting the mail, a short walk from our front door to the mailbox. I was literally out of energy by the time I got there, stopping by the box to catch my breath, hoping that none of my neighbors would see me embarrassingly gasping for air. I got the mail and turned around to head into the house, only to realize that our driveway had a small incline for drainage purposes. To me, that tiny incline seemed almost like Mt. Everest as it took all the willpower I could muster to reach the house.

Eventually, I got stronger so could regularly get the mail and sometimes walked a very short distance with Joy and our dog. I even drove to the market and eventually did all the marketing. (Leaning on the grocery cart really helped!) I also got to a point where I could vacuum the house and do the laundry, my desire to help however possible with my care. But in no way could I claim to have done any exercise!

On the other hand, I was determined not to let the cancer or the drugs get the better of me. I was intent on continuing to work and pulling my weight as part of the Engineering team at the software company where I worked. In fact, I missed only two days of work due to the biopsies and lack of decent Internet access, and rarely worked less than a full day due to fatigue or medical appointments. I did my meetings as video calls and even did video meetings from my chemo chair while receiving infusions. (Thank goodness for virtual backgrounds and favorable camera angles to hide the bags of drugs and tubes delivering them!) The chemo nurses found my video meetings quite amusing, especially when seeing so many faces on my screen.

Positive attitude and support made a difference.

I said throughout that I would tolerate the drugs and never give up. The drugs — especially the “Red Devil” as it’s called — was tough stuff. But I was determined not be nauseous (or worse). Most importantly, I didn’t want my kids to think their dad was a quitter. If I would do anything right as a father, it would be as a role model not giving up when life blindsides them.

Also, in regard to the kids, I must say that they really pulled together. They visited (from other states, no less) to check on me and make meals, as well as help with some other chores like walking the dog. They were there for me and Joy. And speaking of Joy, she was awesome! What I put her through (at no fault of my own) was terrible and the amount of emotional pain she experienced (and shielded me from) was huge. I’ll never be able to repay her support and understanding.

Good news.

Eventually, I received another PET scan. Since the initial scan in which my internals lit up in yellow like holiday lights, I was now entirely clear! In fact, the oncologist showed us the original scan and told us that he was not initially sure I would survive the cancer … or the treatment. Sure glad I didn’t hear those words earlier, though perhaps they would have furthered my determination not to give up.

Although I did not experience many challenging patient symptoms, like extreme vomiting and an inability to perform daily functions, my treatment was definitely not a cake walk. (I know a number of people who went through a gauntlet of surgery, radiation, and chemo that was far worse.) I lost my hair from the drugs (the only benefit being not having to shave every day) and was almost constantly chilled. I even wore a sweatshirt outdoors in 80F (27C) weather and sometimes went to bed wearing a coat. I experienced neuropathy in the hands and feet, and still have it in the feet. Strangely, I had hiccups (for 15 minutes after each meal) for the first three days of each treatment due to one of the drugs. I lost my fondness for a favorite ice cream, but never lost my appetite. Indeed, I was frequently hungry and, due to an elevated metabolism, was able to eat anything and everything I wanted just to have sufficient calories to burn. I still lost lots of weight, but it certainly was not due to loss of appetite or physical activity beyond constant shivering.

Never resorted to “why me?”

Throughout this ordeal I never fell into depressing thoughts of “why me”. If anything, the thought came to me that perhaps I endured the cancer instead of someone else just because I could. That probably sounds weird and maybe even a tad egotistical, but possibly I did bear? this burden so another, weaker person could avoid it. The universe (some would say God) works in mysterious ways!

Regardless of why I got lymphoma and how I managed to survive, I’m sure that my upbeat attitude, supportive wife and family, kindness from friends and neighbors, lucky genes, and attentive medical professionals with awesome equipment and drugs all contributed to my positive outcome. And as icing on the cake, I managed to inspire some others that cancer was not necessarily a death sentence and that they too might tolerate their prescribed treatments. I felt humbled by making what I felt was a small difference in their lives. The fact is that I had always wondered how to make a mark in life, and maybe this was it.

Why share my story.

I “talked” a lot in this article. (Maybe too much!) As stated at the beginning, I am no one special. However, I survived late stage lymphoma and helped some others make it through their cancer treatments. Unfortunately, not everyone survived but those who didn’t went down with a defiant attitude. So, if I can help more people, then sharing my story was worthwhile.

Thanks for reading!

PS. I’m currently working (almost 3 years) full-time as the Chief Product Officer (responsible for Engineering and Product Management) for a technology startup which is leveraging AI to help manage the digital experiences of enterprise employees. I also have a consultancy that helps others hone their leadership skills and assists with the development of effective product teams.