A Journey of Losing and Finding Myself

Last August felt like the most insurmountable month that I ever endured in my entire existence. I am still grieving the loss of my dad to stage 4 cancer. While death is inevitable, when we are met with it, it undoubtedly changes us forever. It shifts our perspective on who we are, and our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. While he was diagnosed 10 years ago, the last 5 were only known to me. He wanted to shield me from the agony of his diagnosis, but in reality, it only exacerbated my pain and grief in the end.

He passed away on a Friday, and I returned to work that following Monday. I did that with the sole intent to drown my grief in my work, to keep my mind busy; however, that did not fill the void, nor did it lessen the blow, it only masked the trauma and made it swell inside me until I imploded!

Grief is an intricate and fickle thing. One minute you are smiling, joyous even, and the next minute you are crying and feeling like you've taken 10 steps backward. I've found that even in my loss, I still have the capacity to give and receive love. To show empathy and compassion to others who have lost a loved one as well. To cherish the good times I shared with my dad and all the life lessons he instilled in me that I now try to pass down to my own children.

I don't believe in making New Year's resolutions. To me, they are fleeting and unsustainable; rather I've made the intention to be more grounded in my faith, to give myself some grace, and to begin therapy to help me through this lifelong journey of grief and healing.

In this new year, I pray you find the strength and resolve to lean on and into whoever and whatever will sustain you during your darkest moments. There is no shame in seeking help; rather it's one of the most courageous and radical acts you will do for yourself and those who love you...

-Gabriel