The Journey of a Lifetime: Opening Remarks SMC Collegiate Women's Day

It’s a pleasure to be here in this room with such an impressive group of women. And I’m not just talking about the group as a whole. I’m talking about each one of you individually.

 As I look in your eyes today, I see the future. And I am hopeful.

Today you’re covering everything from faith to fashion—from physical fitness to mental fitness. If only I had had the opportunity to spend a day like this when I was in college—I think I could have saved myself some of the anguish of coming of age through what I like to call the school of hard knocks.

 Believe me. Some of the things you’re learning today, I learned the hard way. Many are lessons I’m still struggling to grasp.

 You’ve got an incredible day ahead of you. And you’re surrounded by friends, family, teachers, community leaders—all kinds of people who are here to tell you how amazing you are and to help guide you as you navigate the ups and downs of life as a woman in this world.

 But you and I both know that it doesn’t matter how many people tell you you’re awesome or encourage you along the way. It doesn’t matter how many dates you get asked out on or how many friends label you their BFF—

 The real battle you will fight as women struggling for self-actualization—growing and living into your truest, fullest self—the person God created you to be—is not a battle won through the approval of a teacher of a boyfriend, or a girlfriend. It’s not about what your parents or siblings think. It’s not about who hires you or how well your post performs on social media.

 The real battle is the battle to love yourself. And to respect yourself. To be kind to yourself and to always strive to be true to who you are—not who anyone else wants you to be. Not even the people who say they love you.

 And then, the next challenge is to empower your sisters to do that too.

 You see, you are on the journey of a lifetime.

And you’re going to need to know yourself well enough and to be able to trust your own ability to make decisions.

 So don’t pretend to be less intelligent than you are—even when you’re trying to impress a cute boy or a cute girl—even when you think you look a little nerdy.

Don’t act dumb. You’re smart. You wouldn’t be here today if you weren’t.

 Your full use of your intellect is not only for your own benefit—though your brain and your wisdom will take you far.

The future of our world depends on your ability to lead it.

We're counting on you. 

So sharpen your wits. Grow a thick skin.

 Read every single book you can find. And surround yourself with a circle of trusted friends who will talk about things with you. Who are committed to growing WITH you.

 The kind of friends who will tell you when you’ve got spinach in your teeth or when you’ve got toilet paper stuck to your shoe.

 Surround yourself with friends who will tell you that you’re thinking of voting for a person who lacks moral character or that you’re on the wrong path from time to time.

 Listen to your trusted friends.

And then decide for yourself.

 And by the way, you need to be that kind of friend, too. The road runs both ways.

We are here to sharpen each other.

 You’re on the journey of a lifetime. And you are going to need your strength.

So EAT.

Do you hear me? Don’t pay attention to the bodies you see on the screen or in the magazine. Eat. Be strong. As my daughters have recently taught me: Strong is the new beautiful.

 Eat well. Eat more good things than bad things.

And have the dadgum piece of cake every now and then.

You don’t deserve it. Food isn’t a reward.

But it tastes good. So eat it.

Find joy in every bite.

 In fact, find joy wherever you can.

You already know that the road ahead is difficult. It’s the joy, the laughter, the celebration of victories, large and small, that keep us going.

 You’re on the journey of a lifetime.

 Far be it from me to say that I have all the answers.

 But here are a few things I have learned along my journey:

First, most things will turn out okay in the end. Not everything will be. But most things will.

 Sometimes you'll put up a good fight.

Sometimes you’ll win. Sometimes you’ll lose.

Sometimes you'll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go.

Find your freedom in the release.

 So choose your battles. Fight hard. Accept the reality of loss when you need to.

 Then, determine whether the battle is worth fighting again. And if it is, re-calibrate. Find a new strategy. Dive back in.

 This has literally been the story of my life. It’s the story of relationships—failed and successful. It’s the story of my career. It’s the story of parenting. And I believe it’s the story of faith.

 Remember that one setback is not a total loss. You’re building muscle.

 It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

 And speaking of faith, don’t ever let anybody tell you not to question your God.

Believe me. God can take it.

You will be stronger and your relationship with God will be stronger for having wrestled with what you believe and then owning your faith for yourself.

 When you lose a loved one. 

When you go through a breakup.

When you watch the news.

When you just don’t understand.

 It’s not a sin to ask God why.

 You’re on the journey of a lifetime.

 And you will change along the way. Don't surrender your joy for an idea you used to have about yourself that is no longer true. Know yourself. Allow yourself to grow and evolve.

 No one can you put in a box. And no one can tell you who you will be.

 You have to find that for yourself.

 Remember this, because this is important. And it's taken me a long time to learn this lesson:

You cannot convince people to love you. 

No one will ever give you love just because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Real love allows for growth. Real love will not hold you back. Don’t waste your time trying to change who you are in order to win the love or approval of another person. It will not work. Believe me. It will not work.

 Find real love within friends, within a partner if you can and if you want it.

But most importantly, find real love within yourself.

You are on the journey of a lifetime.

 And on this journey, you will learn a lot about yourself.

Stretch yourself towards goodness. 

Think bigger than it feels comfortable to do.

 Remember that the most important thing in all the world is to be kind to the people around you.

Be a fearless warrior for love.

 And finally, no matter what happens to you, find a way to own it.

People may victimize you.

But you are not a victim.

And this story is yours.