A Journey of A Confused Engineer!

A?Journey of A Confused Engineer

In a Nutshell!

It had been about a year since I had passed the class 12th Examination and had returned from Kota ( Remember the Kota Factory? Yeah, you got it right).?

One fine evening, summer of 2006, sitting on Carved Wooden Furniture, demanding snacks from mother, I enjoyed tea simultaneously. ( I didn’t have to talk in detail, but I was so idle that, I was observing almost everything relentlessly, you see carved wooden furniture, unaware of the facts that my entrance exam results were out).

The exam result didn’t affect me, but it did affect my father. I was not able to secure a decent rank, to get admitted into any prestigious college in India ( I had only appeared for IIT, and AIEEE). My father and I had quite similar academics, both of us never came second in life ( He never lost his 1st Rank, and for me, rank was a myth never secured 1st, anyway :D )

As soon as I finished my snacks, and a couple of cups of tea while avoiding conversation with my father. When I was about to leave, he stopped me to discuss my career aspiration, (who can stop a father)? He is the one who asked me not to waste another year preparing for the entrance exam, he did not doubt my capability - I was a bright student, but a student who was always lost in his enigma. A student, who knew the meaning of hard work, but always wondered why it’s required, why can’t things be smooth, easy, unaware of the real world!!!?

I am a thinker, actually over a thinker. In 2006, I was about to turn 18 years, a legal year to cast a vote, but here I was confused over my future. ( You know, that’s the problem with being a multi-talented person, I was good at games, and sports, well aware of the current affairs, modern science and ancient India. But, It clouded my mind, I was not able to make any decision - I didn’t want to boast, but it’s a fact (just kidding) :D )

My mother, wanted me to become a doctor, a heart specialist -?as my maths were relatively weak and you know the respect of a doctor in society.?I like that profession, but I was quite sensitive towards animals ( Including Humans)... I didn’t want to kill or perform operations on any species.?

Now, I was left with a couple of more options, the universal one was to get into Engineering College ( there are plenty in India, in case you need a degree, not exposure). Another choice was to get into the Arts School to study Literature, and History (My parents have multiple degrees, in multiple streams of arts, but then it was against social norms to get into an Arts College )

Anyway, let’s go back to that evening when my father did not scold me for not securing a good rank because he knew it. He has seen, observed me since childhood - a rational creative mind, but hopelessly unrealistic )

Anyway, after some discussion, I made up my mind to do engineering, as I had an affinity towards Robots and Automobile Engineering. But, I put a condition that I want to move out of my home state - it’s not that here we don’t have good colleges, but I wanted to explore another part of India, i.e. Southern India. So far, which I had only heard and read about ( Though, I have brought up eating Cake, Bread and DOSA of Madras Coffee House & The Cochin Bakery of my home town, but anyway I ever wanted to explore southern India )

It was the first week of November 2006 - about 25 classes were left in the 1st Semester, that’s when I got admitted into a College near Bangalore. My college life was not as I had thought of, it was not good, not bad but it was different. Anyway, somehow I managed to complete my engineering and secured a job which I never wanted to Join - Though, this job was a dream of many.?

I could see those sad faces when I stepped out of the Placement cell,?as if they have wasted their life, and this job was everything to them. Not everyone is ambitious, some people are struggling with day to day life, and the first thing that comes to mind is survival, rest everything is secondary. I am sure, all my batchmates have embarked on their journey, and living their life now.

Anyway, you must have heard, read, and watched a lot about college life. My story is no different, though, I would like to mention an incident -?

“One late evening, I guess I was in 6th/ 7th semester of my engineering, I had missed my college bus from town, and I had to jump onto ‘Chhota Hathi’ (you might want to google it ). I didn’t have any coins/ small denomination of rupee,?as I was returning from SBI ATM, I only had currencies on 500 in denominations, and then the fare was 3 RS, only. The person in charge asked for the fare and I handed over a note of RS 500 -?he gave a strange look and stared at me. Not his mistake, who would give a change of RS 500, against 3 Rs of fare. There was an old man in the same vehicle, would be in the late ’40s or 50s - he handed me 3 RS, he was not able to communicate as I was not fluent in Kannada, but he smiled and gave it to me… he hardly had few rupees in his hand, his clothes were torn, but he didn’t mind sharing his wealth. I could have given him 500 RS, but then I would be insulting his generosity” - I still owe a Debt of 3 Rupees. ( Note:- Be Generous )

June 2010 - I formally became a Graduate [ A literal meaning of Graduate is???????? [snātak?] ??1 A Brāhma?a ( Not referring to the caste but who attains higher self/ knowledge) who has performed the ceremony of ablution, Abulstion of Knowledge]. I was a Graduate on a Paper,?didn’t imbibe the knowledge. Remember the Confused Guy, yes I was still the same with a few more years added to my Age.?

I got home after years, what I found was a proud Mother, and a Father, who was still sceptical about my decision. And, he was not wrong, he didn’t want me to waste my time and wanted me to take a look again at my decision. But, again I didn’t listen to him, and joined Asia’s largest IT Company (does it even matter?), and boarded a train for Bengaluru, and then hopped onto a Bus for Trivandrum for my Initial Learning. ( Actually, I had appeared for ISRO Interview in Satelite Town Bangalore for the position of Scientist, I really had good written Rank and even the interview was fine, I was expecting a call from ISRO but unfortunately, I was kept on the waiting list. Instead of sitting idle, I thought of joining the company after all it was a labour of 4 years of engineering)

It was July 2010, when my father wanted me to Prepare for a competitive exam. My father was a brilliant student and cracked many competitive exams but in the end, settled in Education, became an Educationist ( He also had the opportunity to serve Oxford University for Literature, but he chose India, stayed back). He also wanted to clear that prestigious exam but then he was overage, while he was completing his law. Though he did not want to impose his thoughts on me, he knew my behaviour and attitude, probably he knew what is best suited for me. But anyway, by now I had joined the Company here in Kerala. (I actually defied him)

After joining the Training, soon or say in a couple of days I had the enlightenment that I am not meant for this profession - neither my thoughts are aligned, nor my attitude, forget the ambition! One of the trainers had realised my talent, and he told me - “You know the art of sleeping with open eyes” :D, well for him it was sarcasm but I knew what I was going through, the earth gravity was on my eyelids. I mean who organises a class at 7 AM Morning to Teach ‘Oops Concepts?? ’: -)

As a result, my training period was extended, I was failed. First time in my life, I was failed in any examination ( I have a feeling that it was intentional, but anyway). It was no less than a shocker for me, and it mentally shattered me. Failing an exam did not hurt me, what hurt me the most was my precious years. I was in a situation when I had become a joke - "you know when the time is not right, every other person start giving free advice, obviously which is not liked by many."?

Somehow, I managed to clear the training and got Bangalore as the first posting ( I wanted to be in Bangalore, I loved this city )

I joined the office, it was a different world for me. My first job and everything else looked glamorous without any substance. At least by now, I knew what I don’t want, though still lingering on my do’s, don’t, should, who, why how and why not??

I tried my best to become a good employee, I worked hard, tried to become smart, took part in all the productive activities, but seems it was too much for a fresher, who had bagged 3 awards in 9 months including a conference at Apple Inc. for my white paper on “Artificial Intelligence - Future of Man to Machine Interactions and Advancement” ( A couple of innovative suggestion were later implemented, and few other implemented by other organisation e.g. Virtual Image Generation of a Caller, I think you can do the same in 5 G Technology now, I am talking about my paper submitted in 2012).

Anyway, some seniors never liked me ( Not All but there were a few who had superiority complex), and they tried all possible ways to keep me engaged in ‘some’ where they can find my mistake, criticise me and play some politics.?

( My 9 months of experience, and they were way too senior. I am not bragging about myself, but this is the time when a fresher needs support from seniors who can help and pave the path for the future, but it was a harsh reality, welcome to the real world!!! Well, at least be a senior which you ever wanted to have, as a junior)

The rating was decreased, my awards were not considered as they were not aligned with so-called organisation goals. Moreover, I did not receive the prize of award, my Apple Ipad Air, which was awarded to me.?( Organization needs to think about, Organisation Goals at the time )

One gentleman, he was happened to be the CRM ( Customer Relationship Manager ), told me that we can’t send you Ipad via mail. Wasn’t that rude, it was, right? I told him, I wish you could why don’t you evolve? (I am sorry for being rude too, but just wanted to keep the mood lighter ) :D

Anyway, he was the one who had organised the event, and he should have apologised for his mismanagement. It was just an Ipad, but anything gifted from Apple Inc. was valuable, especially when Steve Jobs was alive.

Finally, I resigned from the organization, to join another organisation. You need a job to survive in Bangalore right, whether you like it or not! And, then I switched organization every few years, as for me it was same everywhere. Those Big Brand, Onsite Travels, glamour were not Big Enough to attract me, and in-office politics, differences of opinions were everywhere. One common thing, which I noticed is if you don’t give enough work to a person, if you don’t keep him busy or don’t hold him accountable for his deeds, a free devil mind would play the politics and ruin the culture.?

( I did not hate corporate, rather liked it. Nothing is compared to IT, it can give you a vast variety of experiences in a short span of time. It allows you to work in the various market segments, and deal with top clients/ corporates in the world - just a choice of preferences, I do not mean to criticise the corporate world or its culture. Every situation is based on a context, nothing generalised)

But the brighter side is, some good people are ready to help you, who understand you who has empathy and supports you in your need. I met a couple of them in the latter half of my career in IBM, (Also a gentleman in Accenture) and by far it was the best company I have worked for, just because of my co-workers!

I have resigned a few months ago, the nature of the job was demanding and required too much energy. It was draining at times, I needed a break to rejuvenate myself and also to figure out what to do next. A little break in life gives you stability against all odds. From time to time, we need to stop, observe and evaluate ourselves, and then make a life decision.?( Just Personal Opinion, it might not work for everyone :-) )

Neither our life nor our decision should be to limit. The modern world gives you a plethora of opportunities, and it’s still evolving. I often suggest taking a pause, and make a move!

Couple of things that I have learned in my corporate Journey ( a novice I am, with no intention to give you wisdom, but to share my experience)?-

• Do not bind yourself to the position or title you’re tagged to. Look for your career aspiration and work on it. Companies spend a lot to build their knowledge repository, moreover, it’s a free world. Reach out to seniors, Managers, VPs, Directors - If you reach out, they will help you. Some people appreciate the appetite for knowledge.
• Take A Break, Travel Explore - it helps you generate ideas
• Don’t just run around with the problem, work on the solution. If there is something which is a problem for you, ideally you should look for a solution.
• If you aspire to become something, associate yourself with similar people. It will help you to achieve your goals faster.
• Be Open to critics
• Last but not least, “Not All Who Wander Are Lost”

I would like to show my gratitude to my friends, colleagues, connections who reached out to me and offered jobs. Though, I am not open to work, at least for a couple of months more.

#engineer

Published at - A?Journey of A Confused Engineer!