Journey to becoming better human being (39) How to digest rejection and failure?

Observing our feelings in different situations, making a note and based on that proposing a topic for discussion in weekly meetings had become a regular practice among all of us. We looked forward to these meetings where friends meet not to gossip but to discuss about important aspects of life. Every meeting was an enriching experience.

Rohit shared his experience. He is a student and had exams last few days. One of the days he did very well in exam. He was jubilant. The next day he did not do as well and the whole day was spoilt.

“If day and night, summer and winter are fine with you, you have overcome your contradictions. This is one of the 12 Principles of valid actions.”

We all knew well that these principles are laws of behaviour. If followed, it will help us reduce suffering.

We all experience various situations in our daily life - results of exam, outcome of decisions, responses in relationship and so on. Sometimes, they are favourable and sometimes not. I had submitted a paper for publication in an important journal and the chances of acceptance were very less. I was thrilled when I got a mail conveying acceptance of the paper. The feelings were euphoric. Was it an over-reaction? Perhaps yes, but it was such a good feeling that I enjoyed it. Reflecting, I realise that had it been opposite situation, where I was sure of a positive result and it turn out to be a rejection, it would be extremely perturbing. Positive feelings we love, but negative feeling we want to avoid. Is it possible?

“One way is to try to see positive in whatever situation we are placed in.”

A day turns into night and night turns into day. I love the day. It brings brilliant sunlight and vibrancy in the world, ushering in, all kind of activities. It is so dynamic. On the other hand, I dread the night. Full of darkness absolutely dull, and unproductive. Whether I like it or not, day turns into night. I lose what I like, and I am in face of something I dislike. Within the same period of 24 hours, I have to face both. Half of it I like and the other half I dislike.

In this situation, what if I develop a new perspective that recognizes the beauty of night. Darkness, the landscape sometime bathing in soft moonlight. Sky full of stars reminding us about our space in the universe. Quietness all around with splendid serenity. Now what happens? I will be able to celebrate the day as well as the night. With this change in perspective, when I learnt to see the good side of whatever I am left with, my life brightens.

How good it would be to develop such a perspective – to be able to see positive in whatever situation I am placed in. It applies to various aspects of life. When I am fit, I enjoy the actions and when I am bed ridden, I enjoy the rest. But will trying to force positive in everything not be deceptive?

“If seeing positive helps, it is fine, but the point here is about ability to accept the outcome gracefully, as it is. Neither becoming over-jubilant, nor becoming depressive.”

I was wondering what it means. What is wrong in becoming jubilant? Afterall is it not a natural human tendency? Perhaps it is, but then getting depressive in front of rejection can also be attributed to the same tendency. Then where is the catch? I was stunned to hear the next lines.

“It is when ‘me’ and ‘mine’ are at the centre that both the reactions of jubilant and depression prevail. The more we start giving considerations for others, the more the intensity of our reactions decline.”

An absolutely thrilling new insight. I started reviewing the occasions of my feeling great and the occasions of my feeling sad. I realised that both the extreme feelings are indeed related to ‘me’ and ‘mine’ being at the center. 

When we are more considerate to others, we develop the perspective of equanimity. With that our ability to gracefully accept any outcome will be greater. We will be calm and will be able to spread positivity around.

What a wonderful learning on my journey to become better human being!