The journey

As of Monday, I'll officially be moving back to a full-time job. I'm excited about the role and the impact I'll have at this company, and I wanted to take some time to talk about why I'm making this change with anyone that's been following my journey the last couple years.

Back in May 2023, I decided to take the leap and leave my full-time job to pursue running a coaching business and working for myself. It was something I had the itch for, and I knew if I didn't give that idea a solid go I'd be living with a pile of what-ifs, and I didn't want that.

I wanted to create real impact and change in people's lives, and have more time to spend prioritizing my family and my own needs. It started out great, with a pile of savings and a fiery passion for what my future would look like.

But those rose colored glasses slowly came off as reality set in.

In case you didn't know, running a business is not for the faint hearted. Just because you're really good at doing a thing, doesn't necessarily mean you're good at all the other things required to run a profitable business selling that thing. And as a solopreneur, your job title includes all those things.

While the story of the last year and a half could be a book in itself (that nobody should spend time reading), I wanted to focus on some key things that I learned from this part of my journey that helped me, and may help you.

1 - Selling is a skill you need for running your own business. You may be good at something, but convincing people that you are and getting them to exchange money for it is a whole other bag of tricks. You have to want to do that in order to be successful. I did it, didn't love it. Tried a bunch of different ways to sell, and found I hated most of them. As someone that is driven to help people improve, I got stuck wanting to give my services away for a discount or free just because I wanted to help. This is awesome for the people you help, less awesome for creating a sustainable business (and feeds the people pleaser monster). A lot of this stems from a scarcity mindset around money. I don't think you have enough, I don't have enough, and what I do is not worth it. While none of those things are actually true, it's a perception I've struggled with for years. I thought jumping in the deep end and forcing myself to face the issue would help, and it did a bit. But not quickly enough for me. While I still plan to run this business, how I do things and the pressure I have to succeed will be far more manageable with reliable income. I jumped too far, too fast. And I'm happy I learned the lesson, and that's information I need on how to keep moving.

2 - Time is not the issue. I quit my full-time job thinking I would work less hours for more money and therefore spend more time doing things with my family and for myself. While this was true at first, an abundance of time quickly became a burden more than a blessing. I formed new unruly habits around how I spent my time (gobbling up books and not accomplishing much of anything personally or professionally), and for a few months I really struggled with focusing on my business and personal goals. I read some amazing books though. Escapism at it's finest.

While you think you don't have enough time, it's very rarely the issue. The issue is more around purpose and motivation - when I felt unclear on those, it didn't matter how much time I had, I wasn't using it wisely. So if you're thinking that your job or responsibilities keep you from having the time for things you enjoy, I promise you are wrong. What's holding you back are your boundaries and your priorities. If you keep putting your needs and wants last, that's where they'll stay.

3 - Fear of what others will think should not hold weight in your choices. I knew my business wasn't sustainable about 6 months ago. Not how it's currently structured. I knew that, and kept going anyway mostly because I was stubborn. Stubborn that I couldn't just walk away from a great job to start a business only for it to fail. Stubborn about seeking out another job to support my family because I wanted to hold onto this new idea of work I created for myself. I felt like I needed to show the people I've engaged with as clients, peers, friends, and family that doing this starting a business this IS possible if you want it. All of these things kept me from checking in with myself and deciding what is best for ME and what I need. When I finally let these thoughts go and landed a job that I know I'll enjoy, I felt a sense of relief.

I don't owe anyone an explanation for my decision. That's not why I'm writing this post. I wanted to share this because I think it's important to see what letting shit go looks like in real-time. My purpose has always been centered around inspiring people to explore, and I want you to see that it's okay to do that. And it's also okay to change your direction. Nobody's opinion matters as much as your own.

4 - Allow room for things to look differently. While I am going back to a full-time job to support myself and my family, my business is not going away. From a year and a half of exploring and trying a bunch of things, I've found the parts I like and the parts I don't. With those learnings and lots of reflection, the purpose around the business I created still holds true. How I execute against that purpose will, however, change. I'm taking the time to sit with these choices so I can create a path forward that is sustainable and fun for me and for you. While my vision for my future didn't include going back to work full-time, it's a part of my journey and I love that for me. We don't always know where the path leads, and we need to make choices anyway. If it looks different than expected, roll with it and see what happens. Who knows where I'll go from here, but I know that I'm here for the journey - so let's have a good time.

I've learned to treat my life as full of different chapters, and as much as I used to focus on the end result, I've found that the journey is much more important. I still feel young and full of life and possibilities. While I still have goals for my future, I'm more at peace with the fact that the journey will look different. That's part of the fun in life. When you see the journey as fun instead of a trudge to a finish line, it changes your perception of daily life. It's not just about getting somewhere. It's about the learning, failures, experiences, and progression through that journey of continuously building on who you are. In ten years, I can look back at this time in my life and be proud that I took risks, set boundaries, built resilience, and made choices that created who I am.

5 - I didn't fail. While I felt like a failure for a bit, I realized that I simply just found a way that doesn't work for me. And that's okay. It was a hard lesson learned, but it was an important one. It's easy to say you failed and give up, because then you can convince yourself of a thousand reasons on why it didn't work. You tell yourself that you aren't good enough to do it, and that you're not capable so you stop trying. Then you allow yourself to fall back into your comfort zone and refuse to try new things because you have "proof" that you can't do it, so you don't. Then you grumble in bitter resentment watching people around you do things you wanted to do, instead of learning from what didn't work and trying again. I saw where things didn't go as I thought they would, and I used that as input on how to make changes.

But yes, a few times I felt like giving up. This shit is hard. It mentally jacks with your brain, and your heart. I took a couple months off trying at the end of 2023 because I just felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. I was upset and depressed, wallowing in self-pity. I wanted to give up and felt out of ideas to try. I took that time to feel sorry for myself, and then in January I decided "new year new plan", and got back at it. I needed to feel that fail so I could learn to recover faster from it. Gradually, I got better at failing and trying new things. Letting go of what wasn't working and trying something new. The first big "fail feeling" is always the hardest, and you gotta experience it to know what it's like. And then you have a choice: do you let that fail ruin you - or - do you dust yourself off and try again? I chose the latter, and I'll keep choosing it until it's time to let it go for something better.

Take these learnings and use them to help you on your own journey. While my journey and yours probably look different, these key learnings are helpful for anyone that's afraid to take a risk. Anyone who's taking a risk now and worried about the outcome. Know that you're capable of doing whatever it is you want, and you can recover if it doesn't go your way. Don't feel like a failure for trying, be proud that you even tried.

Life doesn't always go the way we planned, but the great thing about plans is that they can be changed. You can change. You can choose.

I'm thrilled to start the next chapter of my journey, and I'm going to enjoy writing every single one after it.