Joshua Tree National Park: Changing Perspectives

I recently visited Joshua National Park for the second time. The first time was about ten years ago. Our family joined a jeep tour, and we had an amazing time. However, with the excitement of an off-road bumpy wild west ride in the desert, I didn’t fully appreciate the quiet, serene beauty of the park and the trees. It was only on my return visit that I could take in and relish the peaceful landscape and those peculiar, twisted spikey trees that don’t grow anywhere else on earth.

In my life, nature has a very important role. It is where I do my best thinking. I can breathe deep, let my feet set the course and my mind wander. Time spent in the great outdoors triggers deliberate reflection and yields insights about life and my work. My second encounter with the Joshua trees got me thinking about first impressions and the many variables that shape perspective.

Three takeaways from my hike through Joshua Tree National Park:

1. We don’t see things objectively. We perceive situations, experiences, and people through our senses and emotional state. In a noisy crowd on a wild ride, I couldn’t tune in to nature. Only when my surroundings were quiet, I was able to connect to nature.
2.  First impressions could be misleading. Just as I needed a return visit to recognize the beauty of the trees, sometimes to fully appreciate a person, we need to give ourselves and the relationship a second chance. Awareness, knowledge, and understanding are built over time.
3. Looks can be deceiving. Don’t judge a tree by its rough bark. Joshua trees look tough, but apparently, they are remarkably delicate. They are the first plant species in California to be granted protection from climate change. People aren’t always what they seem. Someone may seem strong but can be facing hardships. Let’s make kindness our daily modus operandi.

Seeing is believing. However, seeing is more complex than just taking note of our physical surroundings. It is a highly sophisticated, yet highly subjective, process of our brain interpreting the visual and sensory inputs and messages. Everything we experience is influenced by variable person-situation factors. Each of us brings our own tendencies, our inner world, into the external environment, the situational factors. Our perspectives are shaped between the inner and outer realities, the constant exchange between who we are and where we are. What we perceive in any given moment is determined by the sensory input and our physical abilities, state of mind, emotional capacity, energy levels, and more. They say that you never hike the same trail twice. The terrain is alive, dynamic, and ever-changing. Same as you are. There’s always something new to notice. Even the trail difficulty can be relative depending on the day. Climbing the same hill will feel different on different days. Some days we are ready to test our limits while on others we need to take the easy road.

We are not always fully aware of our mental state, what we focus on, and what we choose to select. Thus, the complex process of the way we perceive things is exponentially more complex when other people are thrown into the mix. We tend to seek out and interpret new information to confirm our own perspective. It is very difficult to see things from someone else's point of view. Often, it requires putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes and trying to understand where they are coming from. If we can do that, we might discover that what we thought to be opposite perspectives is just a question of vantage point.

Consider the following: 6 or 9? It’s a matter of perspective.

Perspective-taking is a powerful tool. It means being able to look beyond our own biases. Sadly, it is a growth area for most of us. Moreover, we are often unaware it is a weakness. We are often told to “put yourself in his/her shoes.” It is a good first step, but it might just reinforce the problem. We may still put too much of ourselves into the situation and make assumptions based on our feelings and thoughts rather than the other person’s reality. It is hard to recognize our blind spots and see beyond our own agenda to truly think about things from another person’s point of view.

There’s only one way to gain insights into what another person is thinking or feeling – asking. By asking thoughtful questions we can begin to minimize our assumptions. But only listening would do the trick to better understand other people.

To master the skill, be an OAK:

• Observe: mindfully assess the situation. Be fully present and tune in to visual cues.
• Ask: respectfully ask open-ended questions to prompt people to talk and to spur learning.
• (be)Kind: show kindness by listening with patience and speaking and acting with compassion.

It takes time to get to know and understand people and to grow a relationship. People are complex and multifaceted. First impressions and brief interactions limit our ability to appreciate a person beyond a superficial level. We are all like onions. We have layers, many layers protecting our core. We open up slowly and peel layers off with the passage of time and as the acquaintance and relationship deepen.

Be patient. Everyone deserves more than just a snap judgment. Be kind. You never know what burdens other people are carrying.