Job description for a Product Manager / Product Owner - humorous
Andre Peters
Senior Consultant @ Assurity Consulting | MBA, Business Analysis Project and Product Management Excellence
Required: Product Manager / Product Owner
We have an exciting opportunity for a product manager / product owner.
The Role:
We are looking for a bit of a looney person. The candidate will be required to manage change and be able to take flak from everyone. You will be ''seriously resilient'' and relish working in a high performance culture (that's an understatement). You will be motivated (although everyone else seems to have lost focus) and be a self-starter (you will?really need this skill.?This is not just a cliché) with a can-do attitude ?(sometimes having to say ''no'' to adding silly features). You should have excellent communication skills (written, verbal and?the ability to read body language) and have a client first mindset.
?Knowledge and Skills Required:?
o???Basic understanding of phycology.?Person needs to understand their own emotions as well as deal with the emotional baggage of others. EQ (emotional intelligence)?is very high on our list of requirements for this job.
o???Traveling salesman experience required and / or having worked as a waiter.?Person must have experience in sales and serving customers. Person needs some skill in dealing with difficult clients and working in a high pressure environment (working in a busy kitchen definitely counts as being under pressure).
o???Failure in?a similar role is preferred but not essential.?Making mistakes is crucial to success. The person must have made a few bad decisions and have carried the consequences. Require a ''failing forward'' skill set.
o???Training as a trapeze artist in the circus.?Person needs to be super adaptable and?flexible. May require high flying with or without a safety net in place.
o???Previous experience as an actor in tooth paste commercials will be a plus. Must have the ability to smile, as well as ‘’grin and bear it’’. Good manners are required.?
o???Candidate must have experience as an army sniper. Candidate is required to have patience and focus. The person has to take aim and go for it.?
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o???Candidate must have worked in the peace core, as a volunteer or associate pastor. This position requires honesty, empathy and friendliness (even if you don't feel like it). Person must have the ability to motivate and teach others.
o???Nuclear physicist experience is a plus. Person is required to work out complex problems (in about zero seconds).
o???Management experience is required but leadership experience is essential. Leading self as well as others required.
o???Must have played in a football, hockey or rugby team (s).?Team sport participation is a must. Having played in a goalie position would be beneficial (do I need to explain this one?)
o???Exploration or mining experience?- data mining, finding data and the gold nuggets it may contain.
o???Served as programme manager at NASA is a distinct advantage?- managing complex implementations. Product owner experience in managing backlogs (or should we say minefields).
Qualifications required:
The ideal candidate will also be required to think creatively. Person must consider all sorts of compliance, legal and credit guidelines and be ready to act as project manager, marketing manager and sales coordinator. The person may not have direct control over the project or initiative, but will be responsible for delivery anyway.
If interested, please contact us at [email protected]
Does the job spec seem a bit crazy? Not so much I think. A product manager / product owner needs courage, empathy, EQ and some IQ. You need to engage people at all levels and sell ideas. You often need to help as project person and deal with all kinds of resistance and fears. Getting to know your customer is key and being agile in delivering features.?Product managers / owners are a rare breed and should be appreciated. Keep it up!!Job description for a product manager / product owner?- humorous?