Jittery, Anxious, and Tense

by Lisa Mitzel, Author-Illustrator of "Focused and On Fire: The Athlete's Guide to Mental Training & Kicking Butt" (published June 2017)

Ben Peters is a golfer. When we met, he had never qualified to a major golf tournament, just local ones. And he’d never travelled by plane for one, either. When I asked what his goal was, he said, “I want to go pro.” He fully believed he had the talent, but he was inconsistent in his game, and would suddenly fold under his own pressure when he was doing well. 

I came to know Ben over many months as we worked together on preparation for his strokes and putts. I taught him how to be aware of his thought patterns and ways to shift his overall mindset. He’s a great guy, a friendly guy, and super fun! He loves to joke around in a lighthearted way. When describing himself on the golf course with other players, he said he hopes everyone is having a good time, not being overly critical or serious. And…he hopes the other golfers like him in return. 

Well, of course, who doesn’t want to be liked? We all want that. 

But Ben went out of his way to be more aware of the other players than focusing on his own mental game. When it came time for his shot and advancing his level of play, Ben worried what others thought and he tightened up. He got nervous, tried too hard, and took it way too seriously. 

He was distracted. He doubted his abilities. And he certainly wasn’t having fun. 

I told him during a session in my backyard, “You need to get in tune with yourself, Ben. It seems you are tense on the golf course. The skill you need to master is calmness. We’re going to practice being still, quiet, and relaxing your muscles so you can connect to your body and movements. You need to let go of what others might think and increase awareness of yourself.” He agreed he needed that. So we stood up, and I showed him how to inhale through his nose: four counts, filling himself up with air…then I exhaled slowly out of my mouth for eight counts, softening my shoulders, neck, face, and whole body.

We stood there, still, and quiet…We practiced that together three times, and Ben started to feel a sense of peace as he focused on his breathing. His body and mind relaxed in the moment. This was a new experience for him.

He was slowing down, letting go of tension, and getting in tune with the present moment. 

“This is helpful!” he said. 

Great. I told him he needs to practice this every day. Especially before he walks onto the golf course, he needs to take three, slow, deep breaths, and make sure to exhale all the way out. This grounds you in your body, and it will remind you to be in tune throughout your practice or game. He liked that. 

The next issue was being distracted by other golfers then tightening up. So we talked about the fact that he can’t control the other players: what they think or say or do. He only has control over himself—his breath, his thoughts, his body—and he needs to focus on those things. 

I asked, “You’re coming to me for help, and you want to play pro…So, what’s most important to you—that you get along with the other golfers, or that you play your best game?” “Play my best game,” he said. 

Okay, we had already gone over and over Ben’s golf stroke. He broke it down and scripted it step-by-step, how he would hold his club, position his arms and feet, and move through the stroke—how it would feel like a smooth shot. Now, it was all about ease. Creating a calm, fluid, physical state—a mental image of fun, and not being so serious. Because when an athlete is enjoying what they’re doing, they experience a sense of calm. When they are relaxed, they can focus better and they will perform better. I reminded Ben about present-moment awareness—not thinking of the shot before, and not what someone might think after, just the present moment. He can notice his own breath and body and enjoy the game. 

I sent Ben off to think about what is fun for him. Why does he like golf? And what makes him smile? 

When he came back for the next session, Ben shared a story. He was golfing with a friend and, even though he loves being out on a beautiful green course under the blue sky, he found himself trying too hard to improve his shots. He felt tense and he knew it. At one of the holes, he turned and saw a group of young kids on a grassy hill, off to the side of the course. The kids at the top of the hill grabbed hands, and altogether, they ran down the hill giggling and laughing and screaming with joy, having the time of their lives. That looked like fun.

Ben looked at his friend and said, “You want to hold hands and run down a hill? Come on, it’ll be fun.” His friend began laughing, and the two of them finished their golf game totally relaxed.

Ben shot very well, and he recognized his ability to get calm. He simply did the steps: he took a breath, relaxed, and shifted his thoughts from trying too hard, to just letting go and playing the game. 

Weeks went by and he continued to use awareness. Ben practiced and applied the mental skills, and he kept seeing improvements in his demeanor and his game. 

Months later, Ben won his first tournament. He said he was calm the whole time. He took moments to be still and quiet, he did the breathing and relaxing, and he stayed in tune with his body throughout the game. This was a pivotal day for him, experiencing his own mental strength and performing very well. Not long after that day, Ben qualified for the first time in his life to a major tourney: the U.S. Mid-Amateur in Pennsylvania. He got on a plane…I cried with happiness. 

Who knows, maybe Ben will go pro someday, or maybe not. But what Ben is doing, he is ‘playing’ golf better than he ever did before. 

(true story)

Notice Your Thought Patterns 

Like Ben, all athletes get caught up in their own crippling thoughts: distracting thoughts of opponents, not wanting to be judged, worrying about missing a shot, a kick, or failing, and the most common problem is criticizing yourself. To manage your thoughts, you need to recognize them and your patterns. You need to become aware of yourself. 

~ This story is from my new book: "Focused and On Fire: The Athlete's Guide to Mental Training & Kicking Butt," Chapter 3 Master Inner Calm & Concentration. I am a speaker and you can purchase the book here: "Focused and On Fire" and you can reach me at [email protected]. Enjoy!! You'll love it! Lisa Mitzel