The Jill Dilemma: Transforming 'Impossible' Workplace Relationships

We've all encountered a 'Jill' at work - that person who seems impossibly difficult to work with. You know the type: they push your buttons, challenge your patience, and make you wonder if there's any hope for a productive relationship. But what if I told you that fixing 'impossible' people isn't about waving a magic wand, but about shifting your perspective and approach?

?? The Myth of Fixing Others

We can't directly fix other people. It's a hard pill to swallow but an important one. We don't have access to that control centre governing their behaviour. So, what can we do?

?? Understanding Human Complexity

We're all complex systems.? we all do what we do because it makes sense to us- it is meaningful. It may not make sense to others, but that is beside the point. And we derive our meaning by interpreting the response we get from the world that surrounds us

?? The Power of Context

Here's where it gets interesting: the fastest way to change someone's behaviour is to change their context. A different context will give a different response to what I am used to.? It's like your kids suddenly becoming helpful at the neighbour's house - different context, different behaviour.

?? The Jim Effect

I've seen this play out countless times in the hospitality industry. 'Jim' gets fired for being the worst F&B manager, only to become a star performer at another hotel. Same person, different context - it's almost magical!

?? Shifting Your Approach

So, how do we apply this to our 'Jill'? If you're in charge, consider moving them to a different team or giving them new tasks. If not, focus on adjusting your own behaviour. Experiment with different ways of interacting and see what happens.

?? The Power of Perception

Also, remember that our brain filters impressions to help us sort through all the noise in life. It's like when you're hunting for a certain red bike - suddenly, you see that type of red bike everywhere. The same principle applies to our 'Jill'. If there's something that irritates you about her, you'll tend to always focus on that part. The more you focus and let it irritate you, the more your mind will draw your attention to just that.?

Shift your focus. Find something about Jill that you actually appreciate—despite everything else, focus on that. You might be surprised at how this small shift can change your entire perception and interaction.

?? The Challenge

I know it can be frustrating to put the onus back on ourselves, but that's where real change begins. Think about how you could behave differently with 'Jill'. What could you experiment with to elicit a different response?

Remember, this approach works. I've seen it transform seemingly impossible situations time and time again. Give it a try - you might be surprised at the results!

Until next time,?

Mike

P.S. If you found this useful, please share it with your colleagues. And don't forget to check out my free library section to sharpen your leadership skills!

Would this be of interest to you?

I've been hearing from many of you about the challenges of developing better relationships at work.It 's a common belief that we're stuck with the workplace relationships we have - that it's just "the luck of the draw".

But in my experience, that's not the case at all.I'm considering hosting a series of informal learning conversations - twice a month, 50 minutes each - to explore different aspects of workplace relationships.

We'd focus on one theme per session, looking at practical ways to improve our professional interactions.These would be free, interactive sessions designed for professional managers like yourself who want to enhance their relational skills at work.

I will make the seats available quite limited to ensure interaction.

Is this something you'd find valuable? I'd appreciate your thoughts.

#engagement #leadershipdevelopment #Humanresources