Jessica Williams and White Feminism

Jon Stewart broke the hearts of Millennials across the nation when he announced his retirement just a few short months ago. This was followed closely by intense debate on who could (or should) fill his shoes.

Jessica Williams, talented comedian and 25-year-old correspondent for The Daily Show, who happens to be black and a woman, quickly emerged as a fan favorite. But she quickly tweeted the following in response to the outpouring of stated desire to see her in the role:

At which point a whole lot of people had a cow.

Basically, a chorus of voices accused her of Leaning Out, postulating that she wasn’t taking the position because was suffering from Imposter Syndrome, or was undervaluing herself, her accomplishments, and/or potential. There was a veritable cacophony about this, which Williams responded to in literally my favorite tweet of hers ever:

Two things about this. First, to me it didn’t sound like she didn’t want the job right now because she doesn’t think she’s good at what she does or isn’t “brave.” It sounds like she genuinely doesn’t think she has enough experience yet, which isn’t totally crazy. Jon Stewart was 34 when he took the job, and there’s a pretty huge difference between your level of experience at 25 and 34… like almost an entire decade’s worth.

Second, it sounds like another part of her reason was the fact that she has such strong opinions and convictions (big part of why we love her) that she sometimes needs a cooling off period (“going to her room”).

To me, that’s also not totally crazy considering she’d be entering a role as a political talk show host. Hello? I’m similar -- I’m a spitfire, and sometimes I say things I should temper a teensy bit. I’m not saying I should dumb myself down, just, you know, figure out a way to talk about anti-choice zealots without a hefty sprinkling of “fu*kers” in there. It’s not completely whacked for her to think, hey, perhaps I need just a little more time to figure out how to be more patient when stupid people say stupid sh*t -- especially if I’m going to be talking to them on live television.

Thus we have a response from Jessica that’s not totally out of line, and a response to it that’s kind of… out of line. And I think part of the reason for that is that in a way, Jessica Williams came to represent the hopes and dreams of a lot of people other than herself.

Here’s the thing: There’s a tremendous difference between encouraging and supporting someone like Williams by letting her know just how smart and funny and powerful and entertaining she is, and shaming her for not “stepping up.” The first is admirable and helpful; the second is detrimental. And a lot of those doing the second thing (telling her she should lean in, etc.) were white. I count myself as a white feminist, and that means that by definition, I have to check myself for privilege. And ‘privilege’ includes thinking you have the right to tell other people (in this case, women) what to do or how to live.

I believe that a lot of those who trumpeted for Williams’ advancement did so “from a good place.” Because there are so few women in so many professional arenas, it’s easy to pin a lot of hopes, expectations, and desires on them. But that’s not the ‘fault’ of those women -- it’s the fault of the system as a whole, and it’s important to distinguish between the two. As L.V. Andersen put it in her article on the subject in Slate:

If Williams is the only obvious black female candidate for the Daily Show gig, that doesn’t mean she’s obligated to accept it … it means Comedy Central needs to look harder for black female candidates.

In the meantime, we need to remember that in addition to someone like Williams being a black woman, she is a human being. A full and complete being with her own aspirations and considerations. Sometimes we (myself included) tend to forget that, especially in our zeal to see the world woman-ified as quickly as possible. But we’ve got to pull it together. It’s not fair to judge or shame other women for their choices simply so WE can see what WE want to see happen. As Williams said:

She’s right. She’s not ours. She’s not his, either. Or hers or theirs or anyone’s. She’s her. She gets to make her own choices for her own reasons, and she doesn’t have to answer to any of us.

Was I disappointed she wasn’t appointed? Yeah, I was. I really, really like her. I think she’s really funny and I also think she makes a great role model for a lot of people. But I must also trust her to know what she wants and doesn’t want, and respect that. If I take away that trust and shame or judge her for her actions, I’m no better than anyone else shaming or judging her. There’s no such thing as judgement that “comes from a good place.”

Here’s the real point: Part of being a real feminist means honoring and supporting the choices of women, *even if they're not the choices you would make yourself.* This includes choosing to have a family, choosing not to have a family, taking a certain job, not taking the job, wearing a burka, not wearing a burka, staying home to raise children, or working a high-powered job while raising children.

If a woman wants to make one of those choices, we get to encourage her, respect her, and value her in that choice, just as we hope and expect her to do the same for us. We're only going to get to where we want to be by lifting each other up.

Period.

P.S. Jessica, if this ever reaches you, know that if you’re ever down in DC, I'd love to buy you a drink and hear about all this sh*t over shots. Xoxo, M.

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Melanie is with OpiaTalk, the team of conversion experts that turns browsers into buyers. With our flagship widget, we help retailers release ‘disappearing promos’ – think Snapchat for eCommerce. OpiaTalk campaigns convert at 10-20%, and clients see an average ROI of 3-6x.

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