Jerome Burt: Getting Back to Belonging

Restoring Connection to Hospitality and Foodservice

“I believe that much of the upheaval happening internally and externally, in our lives today, is because we are disconnected, from ourselves and from one another.” Says Psychologist Jerome Burt. “And there is an easy, almost primal way of changing that, and that is breaking bread together.”

Burt goes on to describe his experience after having just moved to Nashville and trying to grow his community. He was invited to dinner parties, which he was initially excited about, and yet he soon found himself dreading them.

But why was this? “Those first parties were painfully inauthentic, stale and pretentious.” He says, and believes it was a case of “Showing well, but not connecting well.” To illustrate his point, he explains how “Modern lifestyle and the pressure of success make it increasingly difficult to have relationships with depth.”

We are all so caught up in chasing success. We’re more fixated on digital screens than ever before, with our minds constantly contemplating our future goals, rather than focusing on what we have right in front of us, in the present. Many of us are pursuing careers that force us to leave our communities behind for.

“These things can really disconnect us.” Burt describes. “We are using ‘busy’ as the new status symbol and becoming better human doings, than human beings. And all of these are really disturbing trends because they take us away from loving and belonging, which are essential precursors to self-actualisation.”

?“Such problems leave us feeling like we are living, socially, on less than a dollar a day.” Burt goes on to say. “We were all born wanting two things: Food and belonging.” And Burt believes that breaking bread with one another is the easiest and most accessible way to bring those two elements together.

“Just as oil keeps an engine from locking up, and leaving you stranded on the side of the road, food is fuel for social connection.” He explains. So how can we strive to connect better? Burt believes that “We must fully commit to not simply showing well but connecting well.”

“Drop your guards and listen. Be willing to share your imperfections. And when you’re listening, listen with an open heart, not so quick to rush back with a witty response or to whip out your phone and search for an immediate solution on Google. You decided that you’re going to connect well, you don’t have to look good or sound smart while doing it. The greatest gift that you can bring to conversation is your curiosity and sincerity.” ?

Burt recalls having dinner with his family while growing up. “It was a time that no matter how much we messed up, or how broken we felt, all was forgiven, trust was restored, and I felt like the most important person in the room.”

Much of what Jerome Burt describes can be applied to the hospitality and food service sectors. Sharing a meal with others can indeed create strong bonds. The hospitality industry is truly like no other because its heart revolves around the strengthening of these bonds and the connection between people.

?However, there are so many hotels and restaurants now that favour style over substance, that prioritise showing well over connecting well. The result is that these places function with conveyor belt service. Both employees and guests are left feeling like they are part of a machine, trapped in the monotonous cycle of the process.

Today, more restaurants than ever before are having customers order via QR codes on their phones, and services are streamlined to ensure a swift turnover. Yet this only leaves customers feeling like nuisances, rushed, and disconnected with the lack of interaction. And in turn, these places begin to feel soulless and empty. With this in mind, what can we do to strive to make guests, customers and employees alike feel valued, important, once more?

Ours is an industry which has the power and ability to welcome and resonate with people like no other. And yet, so many establishments are unable to, due to that lack of connection. How can we restore depth, curiosity, sincerity and genuine connection to our interactions with one another? ?

What can we do to bring the sense of belonging, community and social connection back to not only dinner parties, but also the hospitality, foodservice and tourism industries at large? Rather than aiming to impress, or simply serving, how can we begin to welcome and resonate with our fellow human begins once again?

“We need each other in the deepest way.” Burt describes. “We need to get back to the table, get back to breaking bread. Get back to belonging.” ??

Written by Katie Wilson, EP Business in Hospitality