The Jerk-Free Workplace

From "The Jerk-Free Workplace: How You Can Take the Lead to Create a Happier, More Inspiring Workplace" by Michael Kerr

Michael Kerr offers several frameworks for how to master challenging conversations at work, whether it's a sit down with your boss or a chat with a difficult colleague over an uncomfortable issue.

Here are some tips that will help you have a better conversation with even the most difficult of employees...yes, even Bob:

1. Don't put the conversation off. Okay, if you feel as though you might lob your stapler at your colleague's head then DO put the conversation off for a little while so you have time to cool down and collect your thoughts. But don't keep putting it off! The more you put it off, the bigger it becomes in your mind and the more likely you are to lose sleep over it and down that bag of Oreos in one sitting.

2. Keep in mind that nobody likes having difficult conversations - not your boss, not her boss, not your CEO. It's normal and it's OK to feel some discomfort.

3. Everyone thinks they are lousy at dealing with conflict. So, adopt a growth mindset and remind yourself that like anything else, handling conflict well is a skill that you can learn and improve upon over time.

4. Reframe it. Instead of viewing it as conflict, remind yourself that it's going to be a constructive conversation that will help you, and just as importantly, the other party and your entire team work better together. Focus on the desired outcome, not the conversation.

5. Bring a partnership mindset. Go into the conversation with a "we're in this together" and "let's figure out a solution together" approach. Be humble. Put yourself in their shoes. And be prepared to accept that part of the problem (and solution) may lie with you.

6. Come from a place of genuine curiosity. So, rather than a moose-in-the-China-shop approach of "Wow, am I going to give him a piece of my mind," bring a curious mindset to the conversation. Why might they be acting this way? Is there something below the surface I'm not aware of?

7. Be okay not getting it right the first time! You can always call a time out and schedule a follow-up. (Actually, you should always schedule a follow-up conversation regardless to track the progress!)

The right mindset going into a conversation can make all the difference. And never be shy about using a conversation framework that will help guide the conversation and help both parties feel more in control.

“The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.” William James