Jeff and Carol Deserve Better

You ever feel crappy, but don't have any reason to feel crappy, which somehow causes you to feel even more crappy? It's a frustrating, self-invalidating, cycle of crap.

I felt like that today.

I found a half-dozen tiny reasons to be pissy; my to-go lunch was late, other drivers were idiotic, I hit every red light, one of my Airpods wasn't charged, there were more homeless than usual and I felt guilty and awkward as I avoided eye contact, etc. Every minor thing escalated my frustration while increasing my feelings of ridiculousness.

I decided to take a walk.

My normal route takes me around a local park, and it's a lovely walk. However, over the past six months, an increasing number of people have taken shelter in the underpass I walk through.

I never know what to do, as a person walking alone. Is it weird to look? I'm curious what they have and how they live. Do I look away, to give privacy? I typically look at my phone. Today, a couple was out and chatting in from of their tent and I decided I didn't want to feel awkward anymore.

Walking up, I said hello and asked if there was anything they needed besides cash. The gentlemen was ready with an answer.

"Batteries, the big C ones. We use them for our flashlights. And if you can find one, Coleman propane tanks. They are small and green. To keep the tent warm."

 I nodded and went off on my quest.

CVS had the batteries, and I dropped some high protein meal replacement drinks in the basket. And some cough drops, as I remember hearing someone in the tent coughing. A few masks. And some chocolate. Everyone needs something sweet. A gas station had the propane. I had seen the green bottles many times, but never knew the purpose.

My bag of goods felt satisfying as I walked back to the underpass. The tall man stood up and took the bag. For the first time, I looked him in the eyes and smiled.

"I'm Jeff, and this is Carol"

"I'm Sam"

We shook hands and I went on my way.

I felt…lighter as I walked home. Whether it was the good deed, conquering some of my social awkwardness, or having a mission to distract from my mood, not sure. But it was good.

It's so easy to get bogged down with the heaviness of living in this time. There is so much crap, and it can be overwhelming. It's easier to look at our phones.

But making a difference to one person, a couple, wasn't hard. Wasn't expensive.

I feel angry and sad and powerless thinking about those people sheltering in a tent in an underpass, huddled around a propane heater for warmth.

But I had the power to help them stay warm for a few nights. To ease a cough. To make them smile.

Jeff and Carol deserve that much.