This is for Jane: Life, Death & Social Media Relationships

Happy Saturday, my people!

I had the chance to sleep in today (well, as much as my body allowed me to!). But I woke up with this on my heart. I want to talk about maintaining relationships, particularly those we mostly maintain via social media.

Many of us utilize social media platforms in developing and building all kinds of relationships, from business to personal. If it wasn’t for my social media usage, there are quite a few people I would not have gotten to know better, particularly those who reside in other cities or states. If used appropriately, social media can be a positive resource, and that is my goal when using it. Therefore, I have maintained some relationships with some amazing people, whether I initially met and was introduced to them via Facebook, for instance, or met them in real-life interactions first but then distance separated us, and we started using Instagram or Linked In, for instance, to stay in touch and continue building our relationship. This was the case with my coffee and reading buddy Jane.

I met Jane at a book club meeting while still living in Grand Rapids. I eventually left that book club to begin my own, but Jane and I clicked over our conversations about life and books, so we would meet up for coffee on occasion and communicate via Facebook in between the coffee dates. I would eventually return to my hometown of Muskegon but continued a presence and life in Grand Rapids (which I still do to a certain degree). One of our last coffee dates was at Marge’s Donut Den on 28th Street; it was my first time visiting the well-known bakery, and through Jane I even got a chance to meet the owner Marge. This was a longer coffee date than the previous ones, but we had plenty to catch up on. Jane shared so much about her time living in Ohio, her family she raised, her new marriage, as well as her health challenges. I cherish that visit now as I look back realizing how I had no idea that would be the last time I would see her physically.

Her health challenges took over, but she remained spirited and positive in our Facebook communication. She was also very supportive - she shared with me some of the challenges her daughter experienced in the workplace, a subject I shared in my book, which she purchased. We would have some very open discussions about our differences concerning age and race (Jane was white, in her 70s, with adult bi-racial children; I am black and in my 40s). We would communicate every few months or so but then COVID came; Jane dealt with those symptoms along with her other health issues and our communication diminished a bit. The last interaction we had was during my birthday last August of 2022.

When her birthday arrived this year, just a few weeks ago, I was excited to go on her timeline and wish her a happy birthday and check in. As I began scrolling and seeing the messages on her page, I learned that Jane had passed away over 9 months ago (about two months after our last interaction). I was beyond shocked but then it got me to thinking on another recent revelation of another social media relationship where I learned of an acquaintance who had gotten sick and passed away two years previously! It didn’t hit me until then that it had been a while since I had seen a post or communication from her. How many of you have had this experience with some of your social media relationships?

Many times, life takes over, and we put our time and energy into our priorities and other areas of focus while letting other things fall by the wayside. I know that the thought that comes to my mind is that I’ll have time – I’ll have time to get back to it, whether it is a project I started, a book I didn’t finish reading (or writing), etc. In this case, I thought I would have another chance to check in on my friend like old times and do our usual check-in. I feel she is in a better place where she is no longer suffering, and I send my condolences to her family, loved ones, and those she touched. This, though, has me thinking on how I can work at being more present for the people in my life while juggling so much in my daily life. For me, I have recently tried incorporating “no-work weekends,” leaving my weekends open and free for my own peace of mind and being present for those who make themselves present for me. Maybe this also can include doing a “check-in” on my social media relationships.

What are your thoughts? What are you doing to maintain your #socialmedia relationships?