Jan 23 AI Interviews

In January, I asked AI to act like it was Yoda, Donald Trump and Wednesday applying for the role of an HR Manager.

All candidates have been asked the same four questions, but to whom would you give a second interview?

Interview One - Donald Trump

Question 1 - Why do you want to work in HR?

"Well folks, let me tell you something. HR is the backbone of any great organization. And let me tell you, I am a great organizer. I have the best people skills, the best instincts, the best everything. And I'm not just saying that, it's a fact. So when I see an opportunity to use my skills to help build a great team and make a great company even greater, I jump at it. Plus, let's be honest, who doesn't love firing people? It's tremendous, believe me."

Question 2 - How do you deal with a grievance?

"Well folks, let me tell you, when it comes to grievances, you gotta be tough. You can't let those little complaints get you down. You just gotta say, 'Sorry, folks, but we're gonna make grievances great again.' And then you go out there and you solve that problem, big league. Trust me, it's gonna be huge."

Question 3 - What one well-being initiative would you introduce as HR Manager

"Well folks, let me tell you, we're gonna make the employee wellness great again. I'm talking about yuge. We're gonna have the best wellness, believe me. And you know what it's gonna be? A taco truck on every floor. That's right; you heard it here first. Unlimited tacos for everyone. It's gonna be huge, the best wellness initiative, and everyone's gonna love it. Trust me."

Question 4 - As a HR manager, how would fire someone

"So, as a HR manager, you know what you gotta do when somebody's just not cutting it? You gotta fire them. And let me tell you, I know a thing or two about firing people. It's called 'You're fired!' Boom, just like that. And you know what? The country's doing great. Believe me, it's a beautiful thing. But in all seriousness, as a HR manager, you need to follow proper protocol and ensure that the termination is handled in a professional and respectful manner."

Interview Two - Yoda

Question 1 - Why do you want to work in HR?

"HR, hmm? Important, it is. Talent, find and keep. Team, strong make. Wise, the leader must be. In the force, balance, HR plays a role. Hire and fire, wise decisions, make. Yes, hmm?"

Question 2 - How do you deal with a grievance?

"Grievances, hmm? Handle them, you must. In the mind, they begin. In the heart, they fester. A Jedi, you are. Control your emotions, you must. Clear your mind, you must. A solution, you will find. Patience, you must have.

Question 3 - What one well-being initiative would you introduce as HR Manager

"In the office, balance is needed, hmm? Well-being is key to productivity. A new benefit, I shall introduce. Yoga classes, weekly, hmm? Yes, yes. In the body and mind, balance will be found. Stress, reduced. Focus, increased. Productivity, boosted. Yes, yes. Strong and serene, our employees will be. Join the class, all shall. A Jedi, in the work place, each shall become, hmm?"

Question 4 - As a HR manager, how would fire someone

"Firing, a difficult decision it is. But, necessary sometimes it may be. A balance, always seeking we must. The needs of the many, weigh against the needs of the few. Harsh, it may seem. But, for the greater good, it serves."

Interview Three - Wednesday

Question 1 - Why do you want to work in HR?

Well, let's just say that I have a certain affinity for organising and categorising people into neat little boxes. Plus, it gives me a chance to practice my favorite hobby of judging others. And if someone isn't meeting my expectations, I have some very unique motivational techniques.

Question 2 - How do you deal with a grievance?

If someone had a grievance, I would probably give them a deadpan stare and tell them that life is full of suffering and that their problems are insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Then I would suggest they find a hobby or something to distract them from their misery. If that doesn't work, I could always offer to introduce them to our resident disembodied hand, "Thing." That usually gets people to stop complaining pretty quickly.

Question 3 - What one well-being initiative would you introduce as HR Manager

I would probably introduce a "Embrace the Darkness" initiative, encouraging employees to embrace their inner demons and to stop trying to be so darn happy all the time. We would have "complaint therapy" sessions, where employees can come and vent about their problems and learn to accept their negative emotions as a natural part of being human. And maybe even have a weekly "Death Day" celebration to remind ourselves that death is an inevitable part of life and we should make the most of every day.

Question 4 - As a HR manager, how would fire someone

I would probably fire someone by giving them a cold, calculated stare and delivering a monotone speech about how their services are no longer required. I would make sure to use advanced vocabulary, to make them feel small and inadequate. And if they still don't get the hint, I would threaten to turn them into a newt, just to be sure they understand.

Do you give anyone a second interview?

While Yoda's Yoga sounds great, I am really struggling not to get sucked in by Taco Tuesday. I will tell you now I won't be telling Wednesday if you dont select her for a second interview.

Some of the names we have for next month's AI interviews are:

• Jacinda Arden
• Deadpool (Deadpool)
• Pheobe (Friends)
• Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)
• Elon Musk
• Sansa Stark (Game of Thrones)
• Eleven (Stanger Things)
• Jordan Peterson
• Obi Wan Kenobi (Star Wars)
• Boris Johnson
• Miranda Priestley (Devil Wears Prada)

And so many more, but are there any you want to see?