#JackieRobinson

3.10.20..

turning 42 feels right.. this moment, feels right.. Jackie Robinson, feels, right..

i never saw 42.. meaning, i never grew up visualizing this year.. if anything, we saw our younger years, then dreamed of what "old" would be.. i'm not sure if that's because we didn't see ourselves in the pictures that were shown - or whether subliminally, we didn't expect to survive.. for the first time, i'm thinking about it..

my 20's came with a lot of success.. success that didn't truly come out of left field, yet, i was making it up every step of the way.. i couldn't sit in the moment(s), as i had to keep grinding for the next.. nothing was guaranteed, and i realized that i would always have to find ways to make an impact..

my 30's started with a bang, and quickly showed me that life is not promised.. death hit our family for 9 years straight.. i'm an empath, so i felt every single one of them, yet, couldn't absorb the hit.. i had to deflect it into this space that i would need to address at a later date.. and then it caught up to me..

my 40's have shown me that i have a lot more to offer.. if you really knew me, you'd know that i expected to be retired by now.. just being a nomad of sorts - doing my thing - behind the scenes.. then this equity situation kept messing with me.. i was still in a position where i could tell stories of the rich and famous, but it would be just that - telling stories.. no one else would experience them.. at some point, that just sounds like bragging.. and my normal life, felt like bragging moments.. when, in reality, it was just regular stuff..

this weekend - on a Sunday - a legend shot me some texts.. i made myself available.. with a caveat.. you have to come to me.. he didn't hesitate.. even though it would only be for 30 minutes - he was willing to drive over 2 hours.. like, really?! for me?! like, i trip on these moments, but they do happen all of the time.. i'm known to say, "nah, i'm good" to my famous friends.. i'm on a mission.. they know that.. i have to get it right this time.. Hurricane Katrina can't happen again.. the South Side of Chicago, can't happen again.. i mean, as great of a moment as it is to see people in NYC at the Flatbush and Atlantic Ave train platform singing Celine Dion during a COVID-19 scare - that's not the Brooklyn platform that i remember not daring to "enjoy" at any time of the day or night.. this can happen again, we just need to be in the picture..

my journey throughout the world of community and economic development has been selfish.. it's been with the focus to understand how communities are made.. how they are supported.. how they are funded.. how they are organized.. how they are structured.. how policies govern and protect them from outside forces.. i knew the world of philanthropy, so being able to be one of the bridges to connect development to philanthropy was an easy area to reside in.. yet, construction was something that i was missing..

i got it in theory.. i'm an engineer.. i get it.. and, i don't.. just like in sports and entertainment, there are levels to everything.. construction has layers.. i joined a team that i knew would allow me to sit-in on, and audit courses.. where i had the best teachers.. best professors.. graduate students.. professional students.. and - and more importantly - resources..

i'm at Northwestern, again.. the first place where i understood resources.. access to resources, to be exact.. and i knew what happened in 4 years, there.. now, as i think of Jackie Robinson, i also think of Kobe.. 42 or 24.. class of '96.. state of PA.. some said that he was really coming into the next layer of genius.. more than what he was most known for..

i'll never be Jackie.. i'll never be Kobe.. yet, i can use their life of impact, as something that not only guides me, but pushes me to be more.. to be greater.. not for me, but for others.. others like me.. others that don't look like me, but are me.. others that also fight for equity in a concert full of Hot 100 issues, attempting to pay the DJ to play their song..

as. they. should.

i don't need to pay the DJ to play their song, i need to be the DJ.. seems like equity.. sounds like impact.. #LetItMarinate

#NoLosses