I've learned....I can't change this, but I can conquer it!

Happy Thursday, Happy Birthday! (23rd November)

Keep SHINING, Keep SMILING!

Thank you all for your lovely messages, I have tried to reply personally to each and every one, in case I have missed out on some, I apologise, and would like you all to know these messages mean a lot to me. Thankful, grateful, blessed; little things mean a lot!

Two thousand and sixteen saw me wave goodbye to my thirties and tentatively step on to the descending side of ‘the hill’. I’d been rather proudly saying I was “almost 40” for a good 18 months, to the point where I suppose I should have stopped owning up. As milestone birthdays go, this is one that tends to evoke a lot of emotions. I am told that ‘forty is the new thirty’, and as my thirties was an exciting decade, as well as my unhappiest decade; marriage breakdown (I’d have given anything to keep my family together but it wasn’t to be), sudden death of my father, and both of my grandmothers sadly passed away too. I’d spent most of my 20s and early 30s in a blur of pregnancy and breastfeeding, and now I had three cute, healthy kids, husband no more, and work I liked and was reasonably successful at. Turning 40, despite all of the negative hype, was really no big deal. What was all the fuss about? I still feel and look young (I truly hope so!), hear no biological clock ticking in my ear, finally have a career direction. My life is far from perfect, but I feel more or less on track.

However, I can’t help but ponder, what is it that distinguishes me as a forty-year-old woman from my twenty or thirty year old self? Putting my research training into full effect, I turned to Google and asked this very question. To my dismay words like ‘older’, ‘mid-life’, ‘middle-aged’, and my (least) favourite ‘pre-menopausal’ popped up. If I had previously been carefree, I was now officially freaking out! These are not adjectives that I usually associate with myself. So, instead of walking away from the computer, I dug deeper. It is the decade when the physical effects of aging start to accrue….metabolism slows down, bone and muscle mass decrease, fertility (and libido) crash, and skin starts to lose its tone. Hello, bat wings and wrinkles! It is therefore not surprising that 44 is the age when women are most likely to seek cosmetic surgery. I still have three years to go, phew….

Forty is all about balancing family and career which provides a sense of purpose to one’s life. While this perpetual juggling act can be stressful, a 40-year-old woman has learned to combat this by surrounding herself with a supportive network of friends, and family and making time for self-care. After a decade of investing in her career, marriage and motherhood; in her forties, a woman passionately pursues the best of life.

To me THIS is 40... yes, it is just my humble perspective, and yes maybe it’s marred by a pending mid-life crisis. But we are the same group of girls, just a more fabulous version of our high school selves!

So for those born in / around 1976, who may be greeting 2018 with some apprehension, fear not, and join me in embracing the next decade with confidence, appreciation, acceptance, and passion. Because that’s what 40 year olds do best!

Well, I turn 41 today. Not quite sure when that happened! I’m pretty sure it was just yesterday that I was only 30 years old. But clearly, it wasn’t yesterday. Not even close. I’ve got my first wrinkle(s), more cellulite and, more wisdom.

So turning 40, and having you girls (and yes a few guys) by my side, I thought I’d share what life lessons I’ve learnt from my friends, my family and my colleagues.

So here goes. In honour of turning 30, 40, 41 (ahem), here’s what I’ve learned:

• I’ve learned that whatever you’re afraid of, you must try it! The worst thing that’s gonna happen is you’re gonna fail. But that’s worse than living with the regret of having never tried.
• I’ve also learned that sometimes you have to take the leap of faith and build your wings on the way down.
• I’ve learned that it’s ok to try bad things, just don’t make a habit out of it. Like when I tried smoking at fourteen years old, and my dad found out and made me wash my mouth in the sea for the longest ten minutes of my life.
• I’ve learned that if you’re great at something, play it up. All successful wo/men play up their strengths. They don’t minimize their talents.
• I’ve learned it’s always important to have fun and be silly. The funnier and sillier, the happier.
• I’ve learned that life is meant to be lived and enjoyed, not just survived.
• I’ve also learned that sometimes it’s better to just remain silent and smile.
• LET IT GO! LET IT GOOOOOOOO!

Things that are no longer important in your life: staying an extra hour at the party (go now; you will never regret it); substandard friends (there’s not enough time to see the great ones as it is); pretty but uncomfortable clothes; confronting friends who’ve upset you. Conversely, some things become hugely important for the first time, and you’ll be happy to drop the dead wood for: having a proper pension; exercising; framing photographs you love; social occasions based on sitting down; holiday accommodation that’s at least as nice as your own house; living in the moment; reliable thermostats; maintaining harmony in good relationships; good pillows.

• PAY RESPECT TO YOUR BODY

There’s no way to sugarcoat it – your 40-year-old body is probably not what it was. You will no longer be able to lose half a stone between now and Saturday night by eating fewer crisps and more apples. Neither will you bounce back from hangovers – getting drunk on a weekend effectively means kicking Monday and Tuesday in the arse. You may get more headaches than before (yep, that’s me), enlarge the text on your Kindle for an easier life. You will consider joining a gym, realise everyone in them is about eighteen, and take up yoga on the living-room floor. On the bright side, you will feel utterly stupid about how downright mean you were about your young body.

• The words “nobody’s guaranteed tomorrow” are permanently ‘inked’ inside my head, I’ve learned it is absolutely necessary to make sure today is as amazing as it possibly can be.
• I’ve learned ‘Don’t judge this sweet lookin’ book by its cover’ true meaning - lethality comes in all sizes.
• I’ve learned that there comes a point in your life where you have two choices: surrender to your circumstances, or get feisty and get after it like you have nothing to lose.
• I’ve learned not to take NO for an answer. I have never taken no for an answer if I believe in something, and it has served me well. Fight for what you want. And don’t you be lazy! Never be afraid to dream big, and put it out into the universe. If you work hard enough, the universe will listen. I’ve learned that the harder I work, the luckier I get.
• I’ve learned: Don’t beat a dead horse. The key is to know when to walk away. That just comes with age, practice and experience.
• I’ve learned that a great massage, a great song and a great workout are a few of life’s greatest treats, and a great sex doesn’t hurt either.
• I’ve learned that success comes at a cost — there is no free lunch.
• I’ve learned that inspiration comes in the rarest of forms. I have learned much from my children, much from people I don’t particularly like, and much from severely troubled souls. Inspiration comes in many forms. Find it.
• I’ve learned to love the haters. We all have naysayers, doubters and haters. Their words can hurt us, haunt us and tickle our insecurities. The important thing in life, is to take from it, learn from it, but not let it stop you. Haters and doubters often make us want to quit or even question our entire life plan. I can only say from experience, just work hard and prove them wrong. Success comes from doing what you love, and working at it daily. Listen to the critics, because there’s much to be learned, but follow your heart. And trust your instincts.
• I’ve learned never to give up because of what someone said or did. Use that as you motivation to push harder.
• I’ve learned that time spent doing nothing is never wasted if you enjoyed it, relaxed and smiled. Really.
• I’ve learned that change, while scary, is necessary to grow. We must adapt to change, and swim with the flow of the current, not against it. I’ve learned it’s important to venture outside of your own backyard.
• I’ve learned that life is too short to put up with nonsense. I now do the things I want to do, when I want to do them, and with whom I want to do them with. I’m impatient with small talk, and sometimes it may come across as rude, but, well....um….
• I’ve learned that being a “secretive” or “private” person, never sharing details about yourself or your life at the risk of looking vulnerable, weak or imperfect to others comes down to self-esteem (it generally means it’s low) and can hold us back in life. When you can be forthright and honest about your situation, sharing your story in the hopes of helping others, it in turn helps yourself and the world opens up for you. Please try it. Just once.
• I’ve learned being a parent is the scariest thing I’ve ever had to do in my entire life. These little people I am responsible for, they will grow up and hopefully become good citizens, contribute to society in a positive way (if they’re raised the right way). That’s a lot pressure! Being a parent is a big undertaking. Like massive. That’s scary as hell. I get scared sometimes.
• I’ve learned that some people succeed because they are destined to, but most people succeed because there are determined to.
• I’ve learned that sometimes all you can do it just hang on.
• I’ve learned to love myself, and in case you can’t find that love within yourself, I hope you find someone who can show you, someone who reminds you how it wouldn’t hurt to try.
• I’ve learned to accept my life is a constant management of insanity – I shout out to all the fe/male entrepreneurs who are busy BOSSING LIFE!
• I’ve learned that hard work turns dreams into reality. Enjoy the highs, ride the lows, and no matter what – keep grinding.
• I’ve learned that life is short, it ain’t no dress rehearsal and you’ve gotta WAKE UP to your life, or you could miss it. I am slowly but surely coming out of mourning my dad’s death and unexpectedly grabbing life by the throat!

I’d love to stop time for a while and just exist where I am now for a few years. I am in a lovely place!

Today also marks 12th anniversary of my grandmother’s death, I remember her as a graceful woman who loved life, but dementia got the better of her. RIP my nonna – my angel, you are flying high with my dad….xxxx

Forty-one is unexceptional and marks the beginning of the journey towards 50 and I do understand the feelings of deflation. But, in my 40s I’ve found it essential to live in the moment. I’m happy to say that I’m definitely a flip side kind of girl. And that’s why the only 40-something angst I will ever have is over what challenge I need to set myself next.

Happy 41st Birthday (to me)!!