I've Heard It All...

I've been a working mom for almost 5 years.

In that time, I've heard IT ALL.

"I could never do that." "You're so lucky to have time to yourself!" "Kids need their mama." "But they're only little once!" "Don't you feel guilty?" "But you miss so much!" "That's not what God intended for mothers." "Is your coffee hot when you go to drink it??" "What if they hit a milestone and you're not there?" "How do you leave them in the care of STRANGERS?" "Do you really get to pee alone???" "You expect your husband to babysit your boys whenever you have to travel or work late?!" "Is it worth it?"

No one makes the decision lightly to place your kids in the arms of someone who spends more waking hours each week with them than you do. And paying for TWO kids in full-time daycare? In MARYLAND (we're the number 6 state for most expensive options, by the way)? That is also not an expense you just haphazardly decide to incur...

I have spent every second of every day of my working mom life wondering if I've made a mistake. And what if it is? There is no line in the sand between my life as a mom married to a combat wounded Marine and the work that I do. How do I ensure the success of my family, my career, and my "non-lucrative side hustle" with all of these variables at play? What if I fail at All The Things and let EVERYONE down? What if it isn't worth it?

My entire family has made sacrifices to make it possible for me to commit to this life - the long hours, the late nights, the travel, divided attention, and competing priorities. But those shared sacrifices have freed me up to find my passion and pursue my PURPOSE. How many people get to say that? That they are living the life they are destined to live?n

And thanks to my family and their belief in me (which is undoubtedly stronger than my belief in myself), I'm living my purpose.

I've spent the better part of 10 years aligning my personal and professional lives around a very defined niche... and hoping that every decision and sacrifice I make day in and day out is worth it in the end. Because as much as my boys are an absolute gift and I can't imagine life without them, I have to believe that these sacrifices are in fact worth it and I am meant for something [even] bigger than myself... and my family.

I don't work I job. I am pursuing a CALLING and the work that I am on this earth to do.

I bring absolutely nothing to the table other than unrivaled passion, belief in what is possible, and a neuro-diverse stubbornness that can't be denied.

It has taken me years to recognize and appreciate my value (and I am a work in progress), but I also recognize in every minute I'm away from my boys, that I can't continue to make the decision to be away from them if my purpose (and the subsequent sacrifice) doesn't align with my values, integrity, and calling.

So, I'm preparing for a leap of faith of terrifyingly epic proportions. But it feels right and aligns with the life and values I want to model for my boys. Because they are still everything... and the Someday World Changers I know they can be.

So stay tuned... but for now, if you're still reading, I wanted to share my contribution to the This I Believe project that graced our airwaves in the 1950s:

A few years ago, I sat in a chair equally mystified and mortified as the leader of my organization told her staff that while she loved her kids, they weren’t her purpose. As a new mom myself, the visceral judgment I felt in that moment took me off-guard, but for the days that followed, I couldn’t stop thinking about her words... And how much they resonated with me. Even more so today as a mom of two, Development Executive, and nonprofit founder who is trying to do All the Things.?

I love my boys. More than I ever thought possible, actually. I’m so honored to get to steward their little lives, but as time goes on for me personally and professionally, I am acutely aware that they are not my purpose either. For a while, I felt guilty for feeling that way. Now I look forward to every moment with them and grow in awe of the bright, sensitive, delightful little men that they are, but I also believe that I am on this earth for another very clear and specific purpose.

I never wore a uniform myself. In fact, the joke in my family is that while my husband is a combat Marine, I served in “The Real Corps” as a United States Peace Corps Volunteer. John’s civil affairs role was shockingly similar to mine in spirit, but he executed his mission with large amounts of cash and firearms at his disposal… I had access to neither of those things. I’m clearly the real badass in my family.

These days, I spend daylight hours on payroll as the Development Officer for one of the largest national veteran service organizations in the country. My 3rd shift, though, when I’m not knee-deep in fundraising strategy or wrangling tiny humans, involves building and housing Baltimore’s very first veteran and military ecosystem.?

After the better part of ten years in this city, it is clear to me that there is no unifying effort in the local veteran nonprofit landscape. For individuals, it's nearly impossible to efficiently access the programs and resources our military-connected families have earned and are entitled to. For organizations working in this space, there is a lot of mission creep, duplication of services, and siloed initiatives.?

I want to change that. I want to return to the TRUE definition of collaboration, and co-locate the people who are looking to be served and engaged with those that have something to offer. I want to create a safe community gathering space that empowers people with the camaraderie they crave and the connection they need in a one stop shop and single point of entry.

I believe wholeheartedly that our veterans are our nation’s greatest asset, and Baltimore deserves every ounce of leadership, dedication, and focused drive that they can provide.

What if instead of *just* thanking our veterans for their service, we asked them to be the leaders this country trained them to be, and the leaders that Baltimore needs??