I've got something to say! Oh, no, wait. Have I?

I once worked for a consultancy which was quite commercial in nature. My role was providing customer insight, and I loved it. I'm basically quite a nosey person, and I love asking people questions, probing more deeply into their responses, and finding out what makes them tick (quite handy for a coach too!). So in essence, my role was listening, and reflecting back. But, and here's where I came a cropper, my colleagues wanted me to Tweet daily, telling people my take on the issues of the day, espousing my opinions, my world view if you like. Which was a perfectly valid thing to request as it would help raise both my profile, and that of the consultancy. I found the concept really, really tricky, and truth be told, I still do. I see things on LinkedIn and other platforms, and I do absolutely have an opinion on them - sometimes quite strong opinions! But it's still difficult for me to click on 'repost' and tell the world what I think - but why is that? Is it Imposter Syndrome? Do I think I don't have a right to those opinions? Is it a fear of rejection, expecting a series of Trolls to emerge from under their bridges to point out why my views are beyond ridiculous? If I've got something to say, why shouldn't I say it? Is it simply a concern about being just a bit too visible, making us feel vulnerable and unsure?

And of course it's not just on social media, is it? Many people really struggle in meetings, at conferences, on training courses, to put their opinion forward. If you say something that offends your 'tribe', will you be kicked out? So in many instances, it's just easier to acquiesce and go with the flow, reinforcing your membership of the team, the mirroring of others' values and approaches, and by so doing, being the 'people pleaser' that so many of us use as a comfort blanket.

What drives this fear is interesting though, and could range from basic low levels of self esteem through to being the new kid on the block, and just taking a bit of time to evaluate the lie of the land. And make no mistake, this feeling is universal - I challenge you to find ONE PERSON who hasn't been affected by it at some point in their lives! In "To Kill A Mockingbird", the downtrodden and neglected Mayella Ewell cries " I got somethin’ to say an’ then I ain’t gonna say no more", and the courage it took her to make even just one statement, to find her voice, is palpable. Mayella has been silenced and oppressed, made to feel 'less than' her whole life, and whilst for most of us this extreme doesn't accurately reflect our own experience, each of us will be able to recall that instance where we DID find the courage to speak up, only to give the wrong answer, or to find we were the only one in the room who held that viewpoint. Fear of saying the wrong thing, then, can a major driver in silencing us.

Acknowledging that speaking up is scary business can be a good first step, whether that is just internally or to your intended audience. Very often our self-perceptions don't match up with how others' see us, so it's also worth reflecting on those times when you DID speak up, and it was well received, just to remind yourself that your opinion is valid. It would also be a useful exercise for you to think about your own values, and to reflect those in how you put forward your opinions as context very often makes a huge difference to the way in which your voice is heard and understood. If I am coaching someone on this issue, we might also discuss the impact body language can have - that defensive stance of arms crossed across your body is likely to encourage mirrored behaviour in others, leading them to put a defensive wall between you and them - the more open and engaging your body language, the more likely you are to be listened to. And we'd also talk about the fact that everybody feels like this at some time or other, and that everyone has that fear of being judged to a lesser or greater extent. Trying to see yourself through the eyes of others is a fabulous exercise for this, as is walking around in their shoes, understanding why they might be interested in what you have to say. In short, little ways to break down those barriers that stop you getting heard, ways to build your confidence in your own voice and your own opinions. There's DEFINITELY a time to speak up (just as there are also times to keep quiet.....) and there are lots of good ways to do it.

So, take a deep breath, and off we go!

If you'd like to talk to us about coaching to help you find and share your voice, get in touch by emailing [email protected]