It's not your fault

To all the parents of neurodivergent children and the authorities who were supposed to help.

In Judaism , Yom Kippur is the time to forgive and ask for forgiveness.

• All year I teach him to apologize and take responsibility. He doesn’t always understand why he was wrong , but he is learning. Little by little... it seeps in. All year I also apologize for him. To children, parents of children, his siblings, his other parent, family members and everyone who needs appologies.
• On this Yom Kippur, I hope that EVERYONE who needs to ask my child for forgiveness knows deep down that they should to. And… there are many.
• Forgive the bureaucratic system , which drags you for years and then sends you down a rabbit hall to countless committees, diagnoses, appointments and frameworks, just to get the long-awaited approval ,the cursed diagnosis, the name for this thing that changed your life. Forgive them, that after all this, you encounter ZERO understanding, closed doors, lack of resources, torturers and no help for a child. Forgive them for thinking that you are TOO MUCH for them and that you don’t fit it their average neurotypical frame.
• Forgive those adults who look at your child in a judgmental way, who do not understand that it is not always a matter of "education", but also an emotional difficulty ,a regulation problem or a neurological disorder. Forgive them for the hypocrisy, the lack of understanding and the awareness that every child is a whole world alongside the challenges he faces.

• Forgive the education teams who meet your child every morning, whose job it is to accommodate, provide socialization as well as education, prevent and treat bullying in class, but does not posses the appropriate tools from the system they work in. Forgive those individuals, who despite the tools, have zero patience and desire to do so. Forgive those, that even when you offer them the knowledge, they refuse to learn it. They ignore it, because if they don’t know how to, they don’t have to help.
• Forgive those parents who in the process keep their children away from your different child, who don't give a chance, who play online games in groups and forget that there is a parent behind the screen who is doing the best she can for her child and it doesn't always work out for her.
• Forgive those children who surround your child, who did not learn at home how to accept the other, or how to include the child.
• Forgive your family, friends and anyone who asked to criticize your education, giving you advice that is not suitable for a child.
• Forgive your spouses, who, just like you, invest their entire lives from the moment they became parents to provide for and take care of your child in a way that does not always align with your parenting approach.
• Forgive their brothers, who compete for every bit of attention, who sometimes get angry, who don't understand why they got a sibling who is different from all the brothers in the world, who learned too much the words "give up", "accommodate" against their will.

• Forgive your special children, who sometimes fail and disappoint you or hurt others without meaning to, who don't always know how to appreciate the boundaries, rules and mirrors you set for them every day so that they grow up to be successful adults. The kids who feel that they are a failure, that they are less than others, that they are different than normal children, that they are worthless and don't always know how to explain the actions in words. Forgive them for choosing a path in life, which is so devistating for you (and for themselves), yet it was the only way they could keep their sanity and their self worth.
• But above all, forgive yourself. For all the times you wanted it to go away, that you were ashamed, that you wanted to give up, that you were broken, that you considered another approach or treatment, a new drug, a different framework and thought that this is not what you want for your child, but maybe it is right. For all the thoughts that passed through your mind, "this is not the parenting I dreamed of, the ideal and photogenic", for every time you lashed out at them, got angry, punished and regretted it later. Forgive yourself for your harsh self-criticism, you don't spare yourselves all year. Forgive yourself, because you are doing your best and YOU are all he has in this world. Most of all remember, that God does not introduce you to a challenge you cannot overcome, and that this difficulty is there for you to learn from and grow.

Gmar Chatime Tova from a loving mom:-)