IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU….BUT YOUR INSECURITIES….

How often is it that you are with one of your girlfriends and she brings up some of your common friends or someone new that she is having this new found connection with which is taking up sparks and but its leaving you only in burns… if not then my friend you are in great mental space and probably have everything sorted out that human kind have been struggling long enough to deal with, in short you are emotionally stable and oblivious to so called too commonly obvious emotions of jealousy and envy arising out of possessiveness … and this article is not meant for you, so kindly proceed at your own discretion.

So my friends who at some point of time having struggled with above mentioned emotions, I would start off by saying that if this discern of somebody new stealing your bestie’s attention or ‘she found someone new and better to hang out with’ is giving you nightmares and leaving you in flames of despise towards the concerned human being… yes? Oh, but don’t you worry because these feelings of possessiveness and proprietorial are completely normal and yours truly has suffered from them too (reason being I took up this topic to write about… you see I am not exactly a messiah destined to write on your problems, not that they concern me or something…. Duh). But you see I really don’t want you to end up like the lead in BRIDESMAIDS because it’s hell lot embarrassing stuff to own upto in a single lifetime.

Coming back to the BIG PROBLEM here, these feelings that stem out of our utmost devotion and love that we have for our besties and other people we feel strongly about is based on a very simple yet seemingly complex base; that we want the security of our identity, the status and reciprocation of what we feel towards the person in exact proportion, and yes there is fear of being side kicked, and feeling leftover when it comes to lasting of love bound long term friendships (common now folks, its BFF what I am talking about now, it’s not that hard to figure out, no not “bourbon friends forever”… yup, our very own cliché, BEST FRIENDS FOREVER). Quite glimly, when these emotions start crippling out, that is when we actually begin fearing losing the one or their attention span towards our miseries (miseries because Khushi mai to hum log bina parvaah kiye chillah chillah ke logon ko suna hi daalte hain na, its pain that no one wants to listen to or talk to about, it’s that point when we miss our besties the most).The fear of stability kicks on, and makes you question whether that special connection was meant to last, technically it might not be you, let’s just dump the whole thing on the very nature of existence, because, this UNIVERSE LOVES STABILITY, and we can’t deny being a part of it (even applies to aliens), so it’s natural to expect that BFF status to last for a lifetime.

Now this fear of losing the so called SPECIAL STATUS reserved only for us in tiny little corner of thrifty best friend’s heart (who am I kidding, doston se bada dil kiska hai iss duniya mai except when it comes to spending their money on us, so pardon me folks), this feeling of depravity can make some of us go really crazy and make us question years of friendship, sometimes even bringing us on the verge of breaking the bond we have shared over the years, but we need to realise and get our acts together for this particular arena I feel , because it makes no sense to lose our chaddi buddy for some silly episode we might have once for a sake.

Realize, yes my friend realize that its not about you, or it actually is otherwise you know the entire purpose of this article might be defied, what I mean is… why does everything has to be about you, your best friend, your special connection, your feelings, your possession, or things which hurt you… why oh why… why can’t you just grow up and realise and accept the fact that others are Human Beings too (or are pretending to be one like me, but its ok cause you have to consider that too, a being human, take Salman for a better instance, jeez no wonder why I like him so much) and they do have a set of feelings whether you own up to them or not. And its very natural to find some sort of similarity between some other person and develop a friendship or a platonic relationship, that doesn’t mean that you mean any less to them or the fact that you as a friend have depreciated.

One needs to note the fact that just because your bestie has other buddies doesn’t make you LOSE YOUR THUNDER in their eyes or makes you less loved. Everybody being a different person (having discreet set of body and mind) has unique and unalike ways of loving the people or making them feel important, so its utterly silly to expect them behave the way you’d want to or to put it simply, to love you the similar manner in which you have them restored in your heart.

Grow up dearest babies and give up your little tantrums of being an immature adult, every person is dissimilar to you and that is what makes each one of us so unique and special, it is the reason why bond and connections makes us feel so elated, and together we carve something exceptionally beautiful. Now would you yourself dislike to meet or find a friend in some other person outside your circle, hell no, life you see all about a connection and if two people click what’s the harm in developing a new bosom friend, and hence forth there should be absolutely nothing to fret over or have a psychotic episode when your BFF does that and it should not make you lose all your wits and become all possessive over it (please donot be Helen from BRIDESMAID, you will be disowned, caution: donot try such things at home).

As it is said, “Good friends are like stars. You don’t always see them, but you know that they are there. True friends are never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart.”

Remember people will never love you the same way as you would, why you ask? Because everybody comes with your own little idiosyncrasies and nobody can’t have their way, be it any matter, so chuck it up people and celebrate each other’s uniqueness. And all this is coming from an uptight person as myself who has dealt with these insecurities since childhood, having literally not a single soul to be called a friend up till the age of 16 (no guys, I am not joking, but kindly save your sympathy for a better place) but now I am growing and being from a loner, I have started making friends and I couldn’t be more happy, the joy that comes from being with people keeps me excited and busy and I am just loving it.

 Insecurities are parts and parcels of life but these should be dealt with not to mention keeping aside all childish lookouts and traits and if you still can’t help feeling left out from a scenery, don’t forget, “we all come alone and will eventually leave alone”, so no reason to be dejected just because you don’t have that special unwarranted space in somebody, relax and explore yourself, love yourself first and accept yourself with all your flaws, own upto them, just chill and rock your company because sometimes you have to be alone to find your true self-worth.