It's not you, it's them.....and maybe you - dating/job search advice

If there are two things I love in life it's recruitment and dating, one I’m excellent at, the other……not so much. However, over the years the similarities between the two dark arts have become more and more transparent. In a world where we are still relearning to interact with each other with a more physical presence and, on the most romantic day of the year, I thought it would be useful to share some of the similarities and tips on where you might be going wrong……at interviews. For dating advice please seek professional help.

1. Work out what you want before you start matching/searching/messaging/interviewing

Looking for a lifelong partner? Planning on going travelling in six months and want something more casual? Searching for a new job can be a lot of work and commitment, as such you should decide exactly what you are looking for before you start applying and interviewing for new roles. This will save you time and stress, give you more focus and an increased chance of securing the right thing for you. It also ensures that you aren’t messing any charities or interview panels around by wasting their time.

2.????Make an effort and be respectful of the other party

So, you are keen to find a new job/relationship? You want to be proactive, so you are interviewing at a few places to find the best option for you, that’s fine. However, you owe each organisation the respect of clear communication, doing research into them and making them feel like they have your full attention during each encounter. The job search and application process is an investment of both your time and the hiring manager/interview panel’s time. Time is the most precious thing you can give or receive (other than diamonds of course), so if you don’t have time to prep for an interview or seriously consider an organisation then don’t apply in the first place.

3.????Don’t bring your baggage with you to the interview or become obsessed with red flags

Had a bad ex? Psycho boss? It’s natural to feel defensive and protect yourself however, you can’t assume that everyone out there will hurt you. Bring your walls down, be open to love and don’t bring overly defensive behaviour into the interview. You need to understand that your experience is the past and whilst you can use that experience to learn you can’t beat a future employer over the head with it. You should use all the tools you have, ask questions about the things that are important to you – culture, workload, challenges etc. But don’t bad mouth your ex-employer, act really defensively to their questions or be antagonistic if you do spot something that concerns you.

4.????Ghosting isn’t fun for anyone

In this sector, which is incredibly small and where everyone is probably only removed from each other by one or two connections you can position attending interviews as on a par with dating a friend of a friend. This means you can’t ghost or generally be rude during the recruitment process without some form of reputational consequence. So don’t mess each other around by changing interview times/locations repeatedly or by being completely inflexible. It won’t always be a perfect match, so if you don’t like the charity/candidate after you’ve met them communicate that clearly (with constructive feedback) and promptly following the interview so that you aren’t leaving people in a state of uncertainty.

5.????Be flexible

Do you have a checklist of every single thing your partner/employer needs to have/do? Looking for the dream job/person? Unfortunately, they don’t exist and you have to be prepared to compromise on some things. Work out where you can have some flexibility in requirements and identify your dealbreakers. This will then guide you to the right role/person for you.

So overall what do I advise on your exciting venture into the world of interviewing for a new role and hiring for your team? Know what you want but be prepared for some compromise, walk in to every interview with an open mind/heart, communicate clearly and treat the charities and candidates you meet on this journey with respect and kindness.

Happy hunting! From Ashby, your friendly, neighbourhood matchmaker