It’s not you, it’s them

When I was 10 years old, my family moved from New Orleans to a tiny town in Wisconsin.??The first time I saw it, I thought we were at a rest stop just getting gas.??It was a culture shock.

Two months later, I started 6th?grade.??The other kids looked at me with open curiosity.??My southern accent was strange to them.??I was new and different.

But the novelty quickly wore off.??The kids my age had already formed tight clicks, and I didn’t fit into any of them.??I tried, but none of the clicks fit me and my attempts fell flat.

As you may have guessed, I wasn’t popular.??While I wasn’t outright bullied physically, I was sometimes ridiculed and laughed at.

I didn’t understand then that their judgment had a lot more to do with their own insecurities than anything to do with me.

A couple of years later, I started dance class after school.??I took to it quickly and loved learning the choreography - including the moonwalk!

Two girls in the class were in my grade.??Tracy was pretty and popular, and I felt intimidated by her.??Jenny was part of the druggie crowd and was rude to me.

One day after class, Tracy whispered to me that Jenny was mean because she was jealous.??They’d both been in this dance class for years, and I was learning faster than them.

I felt a little better knowing that.??But I missed the bigger lesson.

When people go on the offensive, it’s often because they feel defensive.

I didn’t understand this at the time.

Instead, I accepted the judgments and ridicule of my peers.??I thought there was something wrong with me.??I started repeating their words in my head and the external criticisms became internal.

While your own experiences may have been different, many of us have developed inner critics in similar ways.

It’s time to recognize that those voices belonged to insecure children.

Those voices are not entitled to space in your head.??It’s time to evict them.