It’s Not About You, It’s About Them

You’ve probably seen it a hundred times: Sales reps talking endlessly about their company, their product, and what makes them the best. Meanwhile, the customer is left wondering: “Where do I fit into all of this?” Here’s a truth bomb for you—no customer ever said, “I’m so glad you called to tell me how great your company is, especially because the other 7 salespeople today told me their companies suck.” ??

In fact, many salespeople have fallen so deeply in love with their product or company that they’ve forgotten what really matters—the customer! They miss the big picture and end up pushing products down people’s throats instead of helping them make informed decisions. The triangle of priorities should look like this: “You” (the customer), “We” (the partnership), and only last, “I” (the salesperson). When the triangle is flipped upside down, you have a serious problem.

And this doesn’t just apply to external customers. It applies to your internal customers too: the departments you serve in your own company, the people you’re recruiting, and even your colleagues. Just as we should focus on providing value to external clients, we should be just as focused on serving and supporting the people within our own organization. Whether you’re a department head or a recruiter, your “customers” are not interested in hearing how great you are; they want to know what you can do for them.

Sales isn’t about charisma or forcing your product into someone’s hands anymore. It’s about listening. It’s about understanding customer needs—internal or external—educating them on how your product or service (or department) may be a good fit, and guiding them to make the right choice. It’s about them, not you.

The Ego Trap: A Psychoanalytic Perspective

If we peek into the world of psychoanalysis, Freud would have had a field day with modern salespeople and leaders alike. The ego in sales and leadership is running rampant! When reps and managers over-identify with their product, company, or position, they are allowing the narcissistic defense mechanisms (Freud, 1923) to take over. They think they are the center of the conversation or transaction, when in fact, the customer—or the internal stakeholder—should be.

Donald Winnicott, another psychoanalyst, talked about the concept of “false self” (1960)—an identity people create to protect themselves from perceived failure. Sales reps who only talk about their company’s prestige or their product’s features, and managers who focus on their department’s brilliance, are hiding behind a “false self.” It feels safer than facing the vulnerability of rejection or the challenge of really understanding the other side’s needs. They’re saying, “Look at me, aren’t I great?” instead of asking, “How can I help you?”

Solution? Flip the script!

1. Put the Customer First: Remember, it’s not about your product—or your department—it’s about solving the customer’s (or internal stakeholder’s) problem. The next time you open your mouth, ask yourself, “How does this benefit them?”

2. Drop the Ego: In sales and leadership, your ego is not your amigo. Be humble and empathetic. Take Winnicott’s advice and build a genuine connection based on the customer’s needs, not a fa?ade of your product’s greatness.

3. Educate, Don’t Sell: Instead of showing off your shiny product or your team’s track record, educate your customer—external or internal—on how you can genuinely make their life or work easier. As Carl Rogers (1961) suggested, people are more open to change when they feel understood and not judged. When you create an environment where the customer or stakeholder feels heard and valued, they’re more likely to buy from you or work alongside you.

4. Follow Up With Value: Don’t just close the sale or finish the internal project and disappear. Whether it’s an external customer or an internal one, your job is to continue providing value through follow-up. Ensure your solution continues to benefit the other party long after the contract is signed or the internal project is delivered.

In Conclusion

Sales—and any customer service, whether internal or external—is no longer about pitching the greatness of your company, your product, or even your department. It’s about listening, understanding, and providing solutions that help others succeed. Let’s stop falling in love with our own stories and start putting the spotlight where it belongs—on the customer or the people we serve in our organization.

References

Freud, S. (1923). The Ego and the Id. Hogarth Press.

Rogers, C. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin.

Winnicott, D. W. (1960). Ego Distortion in Terms of True and False Self. In The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment (pp. 140-152). International Universities Press.

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