It's not about you

“You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him discover it within himself.” - Galileo Galilei

If we want to be great coaches, we need to focus on developing two key traits.

1. We need to work on becoming genuinely curious about the person we're coaching
2. And we need to empower the person to act and grow

In other words, our role as a coach is to use our skills and knowledge to not look smart or serve ourselves, but instead to serve the other person so they feel like they own it for themselves.?

Too often we’re coming into our coaching sessions:

• Knowing what the right answers are
• Knowing what the outcome should be
• Knowing what the conversation needs to look like
• Knowing what they need to say
• Knowing what they need to get

This is where many coaches get themselves tied up —?they’re holding on too tightly to the results and outcomes.

And so, what ends up happening is that the coach takes too much control. They are too invested in the outcome.

They end up making it about them.

They want to be the smartest person in the room.

One clear risk in all of this is that when your client starts to push back on you about even the tiniest thing, you feel defensive because you take it personally.

It's not about you

Part of being a great coach is knowing that it’s not about you. That it’s never about you.

Instead, to be a great coach, you need to:

• Let go of the need to be right
• Be comfortable letting the other person determine the outcome
• Allow the other to lead the conversation
• Listen deeply to what’s really being communicated and allow that to guide your curiosity
• Create relationships that allow the other to get what they need

In short, we need to be comfortable not controlling every aspect, and not controlling other people — a difficult shift for many leaders and coaches.

Last week I shared an HBR article that stated that...

Managers tend to think they’re coaching when they’re actually just telling their employees what to do.

What my experience tells me is that even those who believe they are great coaches are still essentially telling people what to do.

Oftentimes it pays to ask yourself “who’s the hero in this story?”, and of course, if we’re world-class coaches, it should be the person we’re helping that feels like the hero.

And so, it’s worthwhile asking yourself:

• How much time do I spend telling people what to do versus being genuinely curious?
• Am I holding on too tightly to what I think is the right thing for them to do?
• What would my coaching look like if the outcome was for them to own it and feel empowered?

DFTBA!

Chris.

PS.?If you'd like a weekly letter and more coaching resources/tips from me, go ahead and?subscribe to my weekly letter?that lands in your inbox every Thursday.

#questionfirst #pathfinder?#communication