Its a wierd thing...

Well it is isn't it? Depression manifests itself in so many ways, people cope...or not in so many ways.

There seems to be no hard set rules as to what to do or say.

Last night i found out i have lost an old friend to this disease, this darkness...the old black dog has bitten again.

The black dog follows more and more of us, younger and younger, black dog pups, toddle along behind, following patiently, waiting to come to heel and look you in the eye and ...bite..there you go tumbling into darkness, thoughts that wouldn't have bothered you suddenly become important, and important stuff become cant be bothered stuff.

Its easy to sit back from the outside and say well don't feed the dog, stay positive, do stuff to cheer your self up, but to be honest when i'm feeding the dog, i would slap the person that tried to cheer me up, i don't want anyone trying to be cheerful with me, i want to be left alone, to wallow, to be in my own head.

maybe its not healthy but its not something that anyone else can control, it just is what it is.

I consider myself lucky! yeah that's right i'm lucky, i can spot when someone else is feeling low or suffering better. its given me insight and made me a better more compassionate understanding person, i have learned techniques how to cope better, how to keep the dog on a longer leash, maybe one day the dog will starve or get fed up and piss off for good, who knows. For now at least old Blackie is back there looking hungry and bored, but because i'm aware of how i feel i wont let him closer, ill keep one step ahead...

jog on boyo no food today.