It's Not About What's Next

In our fast paced, got to get it done, drive-thru world, we are constantly focusing on the next. The next meeting. The next thing to do. The next next. We lose ourselves in the pursuit of next. We romanticize the next. The next always appears so much better.

In this, what’s next narrative, we don’t notice when our energy is low, our heart is aching, our sight impaired, and our listening lost to the voices in our own head. We become careless, hopeless, surprised when things don’t go as planned, and in fact, the range of emotions are endless.

This is a mastered habit.

So, you thought that mastery was reserved only for the elite? 

Well, you are wrong. 

You have been fooled by the very doing you’ve mastered.

Think about it, you’ve spent tens of thousands of hours practicing how to be the best doer of what’s next.

When you are really hooked you are constantly considering the next beyond the next, creating a false sense that you are staying one step ahead; hoping and praying that maybe one day--sometime in the near future--you will actually take a “real” day off from all the doing. And even if that day does come, there will be more doing to be done--or so you think.

Everywhere I turn, I am reading and listening to leaders, motivational speakers, consultants say, “We must reimagine our future. The time is now.”

Reimagine what? From where?

Although I agree with this concept in theory, beginning from where we are only makes us more evolved masters at doing what’s next without considering who we are and how we are in this moment. We continuously jump over the “space between” because we don’t want to look; to see our own reflection. If we continue to jump over the now to get to the next we will only be reimagining a future that looks and functions a lot like the one we already live.

Is that what we really want? Need? Desire? Dream of? Yearn for?

No. If it were, then why bother reimagining at all, we can move on to what’s next.

Imagining a future that is better than the present begins by recognizing our addiction to what’s next and doing more of it faster and better. It begins when we refuse to blindly leap over the “space between” for fear of what we might discover.

The cost is real and so is the payoff.

The payoff, of our current mindset and way of being, is we find comfort in the comfort of knowing what we already know. It’s a warm, comfy place that we love to hate and hate to love. We carry it around like a cherished blanket that hasn’t been washed in decades; we become accustomed to the smell of dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and unhealthy behaviors that we believe is the best life has to offer.

Hope is not a strategy.

Our life’s strategy is one of hope; hope that tomorrow will be better, yet we continue to do more of the same to move us to what’s next.

This endless cycle of “bluffing” ourselves into believing we can reimagine a new future from this vantage point is costly. We risk the wellness of our families, communities, and world as we, ourselves, quietly suffer unnecessarily feeling helpless and worthless in our efforts to change the trajectory of our own futures. We risk carrying around the same stinky blanket.

Breaking the habit loop of doing more of what’s next better and faster isn’t easy, but it isn’t impossible either. Charles Duhigg, best-selling author of The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, says, “Habits are powerful, but delicate. They emerge outside our consciousness or can be deliberately designed. They often occur without our permission but can be reshaped by fiddling with their parts. They shape our lives far more than we realize--they are so strong, in fact, that they cause our brains to cling to them at the exclusion of all else, including common sense.”

Accepting that change doesn’t happen from within the comfort of our comfort, invites us to reconsider our beliefs and bias. It demands we stop and look into our own eyes; the fullness of our own reflection, if we dare.

Here we examine what we really crave. Because it is our cravings that drive our habits. Figuring out what ignites our cravings makes a new habit easier to form. To look within the “space between” takes courage to step out of our comfort zone and move squarely into discomfort; where we come face to face with our edges and stare fiercely into the unknown.

Courage is a choice. Just as is fear.

The choice is yours.

Let’s face it, we are always choosing something all the time anyway.

Why would we consciously choose fear over courage? Why would we choose sameness when betterment is possible? We wouldn’t. Our choices are more often unconscious and less than deliberate.

The act of choosing courage is a courageous act in and unto itself. This simple choice is the first step into examining our very beliefs and bias that live in the “space between”. When we willfully do this, we begin to consciously address our old cornerstone habits; and when we shift our cornerstone habits, they in turn shift, dislodge and remake other patterns that derail our success.

 This is where a master begins mastering the art of changing her own habits.

Igniting success isn’t dependent on getting every single thing right every day. Changing habits is not a solo endeavor. The journey requires having a trustworthy partner--such as a coach--to repeatedly hold the mirror up to see yourself in all your nakedness; holding a safe space for inquiry and reflection on what remains invisible. Once the cloak of invisibility is removed, we are inspired by the new possibilities. These opportunities carry us further, to remain focused on what is right in front of us and further away from the addiction of just of doing what’s next. It’s in the safety of this new place and continuous practice where new habits are formed and curated; an invitation to create a life less ordinary, which I highly recommend.