It's Not What You Think... It's How You Think

I read hundreds of non-fiction books every year. About 10% make a lasting impact. Even fewer cause me to change the way I do things.

In recent weeks, I've read (or re-read) five books that have changed the way I think. I'm approaching my decision-making, brainstorming and thought processes differently because of the cumulative effect these five books have had on me. It's a profound and humbling (and slightly jolting!) period of adjustment.

I'm sharing these books and describing how they impacted me for three reasons. The first is selfish -- putting this in writing for all the world to see makes me accountable for continuing down this new (and still slightly uncomfortable!) path. The second reason is that I believe top-notch books should be showcased, shared and celebrated. The third is that I wanted to let these authors know how much I appreciated the impact they've had on me.

Thinking about Thinking...

Until now, I haven't given much thought to thinking. In our current political climate, I've lamented the lack of thinking vs. polarized pontificating. I've appreciated broad-minded discourse that invites a true exchange of ideas and dignifies a variety of viewpoints. And I've pushed myself to consider others' experiences and perspectives. But all of that focuses on what we think and why. So this deep thinking about HOW we think is something new for me.

It's something I wouldn't have come to on my own without these five books being in front of me in close proximity to each other. Their cumulative effect is what's forcing me to re-evaluate my natural thought processes and approaches to problem-solving. But I can also identify elements of each that may be of value to others who are interested in thinking about how they think.

Why Should We Examine How We Think?

The first time I read Think Better by Tim Hurson, the processes he suggested were interesting but unappealing. It felt like the meditation seminar I attended where they wanted to teach us how to breathe differently. At the time, to me, disrupting or even paying attention to something as natural and effortless as breathing seemed silly. Thinking, like breathing, just happens... So why focus here instead of focusing on other things that actually require effort?

This time, I had a different reaction. I don't know why, but I presume it has something to do with me and my own readiness. We can't learn and grow if we resist the lessons that are always right in front of us -- that's something I realize more each day. So perhaps my own maturity and openness prepared me for getting much more from this book. It's a shame, though, that I didn't fully "get it" the first time!

Think Better offers mental tools for planning, innovating and examining what you believe and why. Using a few of these tools has been incredibly liberating. Over the past three months (which have been tough ones due to the loss of a loved one, illness, intense pressures in business, a cross-country relocation, and a murder trial seeking justice for a family member), I have challenged myself by asking different questions and allowed myself to make bold moves. All triggered by this book.

To give you just a hint of how I've been thinking differently, here are some of the questions this book taught me to ask myself in moments of doubt and at times when I would otherwise respond by rote, without thinking.

• What's the best possible outcome I can imagine? (Because, as Tim writes, you can't create a better future unless you can imagine it.)
• What assumptions, experiences and beliefs are influencing my way of looking at this situation? (Tim calls this "the elephant's tether" and describes how patterns and what's familiar give us comfort...and how hard it is to break out of our comfort zone.)
• How can I? Not "can I?" But "HOW can I?" (Tim calls this the Catalytic Question.)

These three questions have been the springboard for all sorts of ideas, experiments and brilliant solutions (if I do say so myself!). I've accomplished three monumental things in three extremely challenging months that have caused lots of people to ask "How on earth did you do that?" The answer isn't in the extraordinary effort or outcomes. It all started with extraordinary thinking, stemming from those three questions.

Surprise! We CHOOSE the Way We Think

After re-reading and was practicing some of the Thinking Better methods, I was again reminded of another book about thinking that I'd been meaning to read. In Six Thinking Hats, Edward De Bono simplifies thinking by breaking it down into six areas of emphasis for our thinking. Tackling one at a time produces such clarity that decisions seem to make themselves.

Somehow, it had never occurred to me that we get to choose the way we think. I'm a certified practitioner in the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), so I fully understand that we have natural preferences for relying on feelings or logic when we make decisions. And I teach people to stretch themselves outside those natural preferences to understand others with different preferences. Even so, I was gobsmacked by the notion of deliberately choosing from six ways of thinking.

Doing so, with just a little deliberation and practice, has been extremely grounding. Despite the chaos around me, I have been efficient, effective and forward-focused since reading this book and using the "six hats" as prescribed. The book Think Better opened me up to more "green hat thinking" (for creativity and new ideas). Usually, in times of stress, I lean heavily on "white hat thinking" (objective, facts and figures) to balance my natural "red hat thinking" (emotional). While it seemed like an indulgence to go for new ideas, creativity and even positive ("yellow hat") thinking, I can say in retrospect that doing this improved my clarity and communication and effectiveness.

Here's one example: We planned a homecoming/housewarming party in early November to reconnect with people we hadn't seen in ten or more years. We moved 2,000 miles just 10 weeks before the party. We didn't bring any furniture, decor, housewares or small appliances with us. Instead, we wanted to start fresh. During those 10 weeks, I was out of town for a total of 20 days (business travel). My workload was heavier than usual, too, during this time. And there were some personal issues to deal with including the loss of a loved one and a murder trial to attend. But we genuinely wanted to furnish the house before the party and subsequent holidays.

So we did.

Figuring out how to do it involved thinking differently and approaching the problem with creative planning strategies. We used all six hats in our thinking plus techniques from Think Better. We made things happen because we didn't limit ourselves to our known, proven, safe or usual ways of doing things. Not only did our house and 11-acre property look fantastic in time for the party, but we had a lot of fun with over 300 people coming through and enjoying photo/gif booths, a bounce house, the DJ, a bonfire and a whole lot more. It would not have happened without improvements in my thinking.

But What about Better Thinking in Business?

Fair question. So what if I've become a super-fast home decorator and party planner? What can I do with these new and improved thinking skills in business?

Enter in two books by Patrick Tinney. He got my attention by reading and writing posts on Linked about my first book, DISCOVER Questions? Get You Connected. I valued his perspectives, and I wanted to reciprocate by revisiting his book on prospecting and reading the one he wrote on negotiating. I'm very glad I did.

Both books open by talking about the importance of a Sales Philosophy. Those who routinely read my posts know how strongly I feel about the need to determine your sales philosophy and your leadership philosophy.

Philosophy means "a system of thought." Mic drop.

Yes. We all need a system of thought for how we approach the work we do. At a time when I'd been doing all this thinking about thinking... here's an intersection with something I've persistently encouraged others to do for years.

Approaching prospecting and negotiating with a system of thought in place is a game changer. Now these aren't nerve-wracking activities to be dreaded and avoided. These are practical, essential, routine parts of the work we do in selling. For me, prospecting has always been fun and invigorating because my philosophy of selling includes finding people I can help. But I never put those two pieces together. I figured I was just wired differently and not as reticent as some (most?) are about cold calling.

How we think about prospecting and negotiating changes everything we do when prospecting and negotiating. Pat's books teem with examples and tips that could only come from a place of thinking bigger about these activities. He offers so much more than a rehash of proven practices, steps and acronyms.

While reading these books, it occurred to me that philosophy comes from the heart (not just the brain). Feelings and thinking link up when you construct your own philosophy.

When Pat and I had an opportunity to speak about his work, it was clear that he has also done a lot of thinking about thinking. His books address the Six Thinking Hats and how sellers can benefit by thinking in different ways.

All of these aha moments came at exactly the right time for me. I've got a new book and a huge goal to sell lots of copies before the actual release date. So I decided to integrate what I'd learned for these four books -- Perpetual Hunger, Unlocking Yes, Six Thinking Hats, and Think Better -- in creating innovative ways to sell books. We're only a few weeks in, but the results have been spectacular.

I'm a seasoned seller, and I've never missed a sales goal (ask anyone -- NEVER is not an exaggeration!). So why did I want or need to try something different? Because, let's face it, doing the same old thing can get boring after awhile. And my new book introduces a new approach to selling based on research about what buyers want. So I owed it to myself (and readers) to go "all in" on this approach to Stop Selling & Start Leading. My research informed the behaviors (based on buyer input). My updated sales philosophy gave me clarity about what I would do and why. And my improved thinking skills gave me innovative ideas and a "can do" (no matter what!) belief.

And Then This Happened

I have three Millennial children (ages 32, 31 and 19). I've done a lot of work in developing and delivering leadership programs for youth. I wrote a book about bringing leadership behaviors into selling. And I mentor and coach dozens of 20-somethings and 30-somethings every year. So I was super excited to read the brand new book, Millennials Matter, by Danita Bye.

What I expected was to do a lot of head bobbing in agreement as I read this book. What I didn't expect was the insidious echo of my new philosophy and thinking skills as I read this book. Danita explains in Millennials Matter what business leaders need to do (like, right now!) to engage Millennials for the long-term health and growth of their businesses. This book is a powerful guidebook for HR and senior executives alike. But it turns out it's also a guidebook for parents of Millennials...

That's what got to me most.

As a Mom, I can do things differently to engage and dignify and draw new discoveries out of my Millennial children. The strategies and tools in this book are incredible for the workplace and universally applicable for interacting with people (maybe even non-Millennials like me who want to be treated in all the ways Danita suggested!).

A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimensions

Oliver Wendell Holmes said "A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimensions." My mind has been stretched. These five books get credit for that. I am not the same person I was three months ago. These four authors get credit (or blame?) for that. For now, I'm not picking up any more books for a week or two because I want to ride this wave a little while longer.

Deb Calvert has been named one of the "65 Most Influential Women in Business" by Treeline and is a regular on lists of leading Sales Influencers. She is the author of DISCOVER Questions Get You Connected, named by HubSpot as one of "The 20 Most Highly-Rated Sales Books of All Time," and the co-author of the new book Stop Selling & Start Leading.