It’s Not What You Say, It’s What They Hear

I was recently coaching an executive who had received some tough feedback about his commentary in a company town hall meeting. In speaking to employees all around the world from his home office, he believed he had displayed strength, confidence and hope about the future.

However, some employees felt he had not acknowledged the pain and challenges many were experiencing. Thousands of jobs had been eliminated. Hiring freezes were put in place. Supply chain problems and unhappy customers to placate. Their comments suggested that he needed to exude a touch more empathy, more grounded connection, in his communication so employees felt he understood the world in which they were operating.

As my mentor and colleague Marshall Goldsmith has said, “It’s not what you say, it’s what they hear.”

That pretty much sums up so many of our important life conversations in relationships, and in navigating your career. Many times, we have an intent that is misunderstood. And even more frequently, we don’t know whether we are even heard at all.

As leaders, we need to be aware of the messages —?both explicit and implicit —?that we are sending to others. After an interaction with you (whether an email, virtual chat or in-person meeting), what message do you want your audience to take away? How do you want that person to feel? You have a choice. You can be intentional, in your language, engagement, the energy you bring.

I've been working on improving this —?being aware of how I'm showing up to an interaction, carefully choosing my words, and choosing to do the work to shift out of a negative mood, if I'm in one, before passing it along to others. Based on social science, psychology and neuroscience, we know that moods are contagious. I want to inspire and motivate people to change their careers, lives, organizations —?for the better. Being centered is critical to me living my purpose.

What have you observed about communications that miss the mark? What's practices do you follow to ensure you're heard, and not misunderstood?

?? Special event coming up!

I'll be hosting a special webinar on Wednesday, November 15 at noon PT on the Top 5 Rules for Executive Acceleration. I'll be taking open Q&A and to encourage community candor, our sessions are not recorded. To join my client newsletter and receive this special event invite, sign up here:?bit.ly/amiibbnews

To your success,

Amii