It's not too late to learn from others' mistakes

‘Twas the month before Year-end, when all through the sector,

Not a board member was stirring, not even an executive director.

The direct mail pieces were stuffed in the mailboxes with little care,

In hopes that gifts soon would be there.

The development directors were nestled all snug in their offices,

While visions of stock gifts danced in their heads …

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??????????? This week, a development director asked for my advice on a direct mail appeal they already sent. Their face grimaced as I offered constructive criticism of a piece already in the mail. Likely, your direct mail appeal is already finished, but in case it isn’t, here are a few basic tips based on a letter I just opened.

I will not give away the organization because I trust there is a development director behind the letter that means well. Plus, I love this organization; our entire family has enjoyed it. I’m judging their hard work but in the spirit of helping others.

1.???? Use a larger serif font. The letter I received is in 10-point (maybe smaller) sans serif font. Based on the average age of the US donor and that this organization is a historical preservation group, I’ll guess the donor’s average age is over 70. My middle-aged eyes strained to read the letter. Few older adults could read this letter. Serif fonts in print form are tiny guidelines to assist readers in moving along the text.

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2.???? Use indents, white space, highlighting. When did left-justified letters become the default format? Mrs. Miller, my 7th grade English teacher, would be mortified. Indenting paragraphs create a more informal letter, increases engagement, adds white space to aid readership and assists the reader’s eyes to move through the letter. Highlighting keywords and phrases helps readers who skim letters get the gist of the letter without having to read it.

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3.???? Use more pages. The letter I received has six uniformly sized paragraphs. What is worse, these six paragraphs fit within ? of the page (yes, I measured). Readability, yet again, is the victim; a solid block of text confronts my eyes. Not only is a longer letter (4 pages vs 2 pages) proven to work better, but it allows your donors more time with your organization as they read your letter (shout out to Steven Screen ) and eases the stress on their eyes.

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4.???? Avoid telling donors information they don’t understand or don’t care about. When did strategic plans become cool or exciting? Why are organizations using their strategic plan as a case for support? (And don’t get me started on using December 31st and an annual report listing as a case for support, either.) While we’re at it, “educating” your donors about everything you think they need to know before they make a gift is offensive because it creates barriers between you and your donors. Your donors know your organization is complex, but donors don’t need the complexity shoved in their faces. You are the experts; your donors are not.

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5.???? ENOUGH JARGON! This letter used the word “semiquincentennial.” First, anyone old enough to know the definition of semiquincentennial without having to look it up or using context clues cannot physically read this letter. Again, jargon, organization-specific language, or overly complicated words create more barriers for your readers. You want donors to read your letter and give. You don’t want your donors to stop reading your letter to find their 1976 edition of the Webster’s Dictionary. Reducing the reading level of your letters helps your donor read your letter and comprehend the intent faster.

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6.???? Use a postscript, full stop. The letter had no postscript. Most of your donors read their name first (by the way, this letter referenced us by name multiple times; well done). Second, they look at the bottom of the page to read the postscript or see if there is another page. Your postscript should restate the letter and the ask in one or two sentences. Don’t distract donors from making a gift by introducing a second appeal in your letter’s postscript. ?I recently learned about a “Johnson Box” (Google it!) from @Rachel Zant They can serve a similar purpose as a PS for us who hate reading tiresome and poorly constructed letters.

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7.???? Share a story; make an emotional plea. I love history; I have the History Nerd shirt to prove it. But this letter reduced history and historical preservation to the dry, dust-ridden stereotype. Donors want to connect with your mission emotionally. They care about you. They care about your work. No donor gave because they were bored.

The best time to improve your direct mail appeal is now. The next best time is while you’re writing your next letter. Your appeals might already be in donors’ mailboxes, and I hope you are successful, but now is the time to start thinking about the next appeal and improving it. If you want more, probably more useful help, follow my favorite Gen X Tik Toker, John Lepp as he opens Dale’s Mail.

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… She spoke not a word, but went straight to her checkbook,

and filled all the envelopes, then turned with a jerk …

She sprang to her mailbox, to her postal carrier gave a whistle,

And away the reply cards all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard her exclaim, 'ere she drove out of sight,

"Happy Year-End to all, and to all a good night!"

Adam Clevenger, CFRE, Partner with?Loring, Sternberg & Associates, is a philanthropist, nonprofit geek, and donor-centered fundraiser helping organizations raise more money to serve their communities. Often on a soap box.