It’s time for women, especially women of color, to break the burden of perfection

If you ask successful women what key behaviors or qualities have led them to that success, you’ll hear many different answers. For me in my career, one of the top answers would be because my colleagues, direct reports, and leaders see me as approachable and authentic. According to a McKinsey & Company and LeanIn.Org study, women who are perceived as "nice," "approachable," or "likeable" tend to navigate workplace challenges more effectively. And those who balance competence with approachability are often more successful in building support networks, gaining mentorship, being included in key projects and decision-making processes, and advancing their careers. However, this same study revealed that women of color are less likely to be promoted, face more barriers to advancement, and have a harder time navigating workplace politics(1).

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As women of color, we've often been taught to carry the weight of perfection on our shoulders. The narrative ingrained in us suggests that we must be stoic, beyond reproach, and more capable than anyone else in the room. This mindset, while rooted in self-preservation and shaped by historical, cultural, and societal pressures, makes us appear unapproachable. And the pursuit of the constant appearance of perfection reads as inauthentic. My belief based on my experience is that this guarded professional persona is a significant antagonist in what makes our journey more difficult. While maintaining a professional demeanor is important, leaning too hard into it hinders genuine connection and trust which limits opportunities for career success. Let’s look deeper into why.

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1.????? You cannot be authentic without being vulnerable.

Authenticity is the bedrock of genuine connections, but for women of color, there's a tendency to be seen as unyielding and always "about business." The reality is that authenticity cannot thrive without vulnerability. Claiming authenticity while maintaining an impervious professional fa?ade is a paradox.? We cannot claim to be authentic if we hide any part of ourselves, including our vulnerability. When we bring our whole selves to the table, we inspire others to do the same.

Being vulnerable may be outside of your comfort zone but there are sure-fire ways to become more comfortable with it. Being aware of your strengths and gifts helps you acknowledge how amazing you are and allows you to put a more accepting lens on your “weaknesses”.? It also keeps any feelings of imposter syndrome at bay because the belief in needing to be an impenetrable force of professionalism and perfection is often at the root of battles with certain types of imposter syndrome.? I have taken just about every assessment or test to understand my areas of genius as well as my areas of frustration and it makes it very easy to understand and communicate my value- and just as easy to admit where I might need allies or help to achieve success. It's not a weakness to show self-awareness or admit when help is needed – it's a display of strength. In actuality, people who display vulnerabilities—ask for help, admit to mistakes—are seen as more competent and deserving of respect by their colleagues and superiors(2).

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2.????? Yes- you need to go to lunch with Collin, or Jamie, or Blake.

Building genuine professional relationships is a crucial element in successfully maximizing your professional opportunities. These relationships extend beyond transactional business interactions. It involves more than just discussing work matters. Letting your guard down to share personal experiences, interests, and even the occasional lighthearted moment fosters deep connection.

The mindset of keeping personal and business lives separate can unintentionally limit career development. The reluctance to engage in casual activities like lunch, drinks, or team activities may seem to be a solid corporate survival tactic, but it obstructs the path to building authentic relationships at work. These activities may seem peripheral to the core job at hand, but these engagements provide opportunities to showcase your authentic self, develop rapport with colleagues, and create a supportive professional network. In a world where success is not solely based on how well you do your job but also on professional relationships, embracing these social aspects becomes an indispensable part of a prosperous career journey.

The way people in the workplace view me now was not always the case for me. I used to hear that I was unapproachable in the early days of my career, but I never quite understood why until I intentionally became conscious of how I show up through extensive leadership coaching. Looking back, there was an a-ha moment for me that helped me see and understand the value of these types of interactions. When I was an entry-level Project Manager at a consulting company, I was a quiet, fairly introverted person who came into the office, kept my head down, checked my boxes, and got my work done. For a team-building activity, we participated in a city-wide scavenger hunt. The teams were strategically put together for participants to be exposed to people they may not have known otherwise, and each team had a higher-up as the lead. The leads on each team received the instructions and we headed out the door. As soon as we got outside, I grabbed the list and started planning our approach and took control, much to the surprise of our team leader and everyone else. I mean, no one knew the city better than I did and as a Project Manager, I innately knew how to group tasks for optimal efficiency. Plus, it was a timed exercise, so we didn’t have time to play ‘who’s the leader’ either. After the hunt, while having dinner and drinks, the team lead told me he saw me in a completely different light after our experience. He had no idea I had such ‘leadership skills’ and we began to have a conversation about it- how I knew the city so well, how I grew up, and other personal topics. The light bulb turned on for me and from then on, I was an open book.

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3.????? Your genuine connections yield trust and trust yields advancement.

You excel at your job, you produce high-quality work, and always meet your targets…yes queen! Those competencies might open the door, but it's your authenticity, your ability to connect with others on a personal level, that gets you a seat at the table and secures the bag. The progression of your career isn't solely about the work you do but also about the relationships you nurture along the way. We see this play out in the workplace all the time. It’s not always the person who does the job best who gets the promotion, actually, it more than likely isn’t. It is the person who has a good relationship with the decision-maker(s). Leaders need to feel like they know you beyond your professional persona to gauge your fit for roles or projects. It's ultimately the personal connection, the sense of knowing and trusting someone, that frequently tips the scales in promotion decisions(3). By allowing your colleagues and leaders to truly know you, to share glimpses of your personal life, you transform from an employee into a person – a person with whom they can envision a future professional alliance. If you’re the type that needs receipts on how true this is, I was promoted 3 times in 6 years at the company I mentioned in my story above.

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In fairness, companies need to do some introspection on why navigating the workplace is more difficult for women of color. What this article highlights is, of course, not the only factor- there is a litany of things like implicit and explicit bias, inequity, etc. that fuel the problem. It is not all on us to bend ourselves to try to fix the gaps we saw in the McKinsey study. When it comes to Black women specifically, some of our colleagues must explore why when we are focused on getting business done or when we constructively question an idea or plan, it is perceived as "angry" by them, while other colleagues who aren't women of color are simply seen as 'passionate'. So while organizations work on inclusivity initiatives to address it, we can break these barriers down by letting our guard down. You don't have to be 'all business, all the time' to be respected or successful. The metrics by which we measure professionalism, the stoicism we're taught to uphold, may feel like armor but are more like restraints inhibiting our true potential. It's time to lay down the armor and show the world the real you! That is the true power move for 2024.

Want to engage with like-minded women on this topic and more? Join our Community of Wayward Women Group on LinkedIn.

References:

1.?"Women in the Workplace 2021," McKinsey & Company with LeanIn.org, https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/diversity-and-inclusion/women-in-the-workplace

2.?“What Bosses Gain by Being Vulnerable”, Harvard Business Review, https://hbr.org/2017/12/what-bosses-gain-by-being-vulnerable

3. "When the Corporate Ladder No Longer Points Up," Wall Street Journal, https://partners.wsj.com/pypermissions/2019/08/12/when-the-corporate-ladder-no-longer-points-up/