IT'S TIME WE RE-DEFINE SUCCESS

I have often wondered. “Is there anyone else out there that has felt the same way I have?”   Could I be the only person in this world who has gone to bed at night and reflected on the widening disparity between the hopes and plans I’ve had for myself and the actual reality of my life?  Has anyone else felt the sting of tears that accompany an unmet dream?  Oh, the depravity and inadequacy we experience when we just don’t measure up to our personal standards or worse...others around us.  When it seems that everyone else has found success but us, science says we are quite vulnerable to doing some pretty strange things to compensate for our perceived short comings. 

Social science tells us that whenever the way we want to see ourselves doesn’t harmonize  with what’s actually going on in our lives, our self-image is threatened and so to cope with that threat, we try to make up for the inconsistency between our beliefs and our current real circumstances.   In other words many of us try to ‘fake it…until we make it’ and all too often we try to overcompensate for this by seeking out materialistic things or participate in certain activities in order to repair our poor feelings of self-worth.   This is an actual thing and is a well documented psychological principle, it's called compensatory consumption.   A 1981 study published in Basic and Applied Social Psychology found that MBA students who lacked success relative to their peers, in terms of grades or job offers, used or purchased more material things that signaled success.  For example, they were more likely to wear luxury brand watches and carry designer briefcases in attempts to compensate for feeling unsuccessful.   It's a self-soothing mechanism within us. So in the end it’s really not the material things we actually want…it’s the social rewards and or attention we seek from attaining them.  (Think about that the next time your old college friend posts a picture of her brand new Mercedes on Facebook.) 

"Perhaps, it’s high time we redefine what success is.  So what is it…really?  Is it a high six figure income? Is it fame or political prowess?  Is it having a million friends on Facebook? Is it having a gazillion followers on LinkedIn or Twitter?"

Another study indicated that our attempts to over compensate for feelings of inadequacy actually leaves us feeling much worse according to the Journal of Consumer Research.  Researchers conducted a series of experiments to test how subjects felt and behaved after trying to compensate for the threats they felt toward their self-image.  They discovered that when people tried to overcompensate by whatever means necessary, they were more likely to dwell on their shortcomings. Ultimately, the subjects felt worse about themselves after trying to compensate for the threats they felt to their self-image.   

Intriguingly enough, feeling bad wasn’t the only problem… their impaired self-worth also seemed to diminish their self-control.   For example, a person trying to compensate for being over looked for a promotion, may try to feel successful again by over spending on expensive brands of clothing.  But, the actually wearing of the expensive clothing was more likely to cause him/her to think about not getting the promotion even more.   The study also went on to say that dwelling on our shortcomings was more likely to reduce our self-control in areas of our finances, nutrition and in relationships which could lead to financial hardship, obesity and or infidelity.  

I wonder if it’s all worth it.  Why do we allow these feelings of inadequacy to enter into our lives from time to time?Perhaps, it’s high time we redefine what success is.  So what is it…really?  Is it a high six figure income? Is it fame or political prowess?  Is it having a million friends on Facebook? Is it having a gazillion followers on LinkedIn or Twitter?  Oh, or could it be having a bestselling book and or speaking engagements around the world? As much as the selfish man in me screams yes!, yes!, emphatically yes!  I would submit to you that the real and most honest answer is a quiet and humble...no.

I have come to learn that success is measured in the laughter of our children, in the loving lingering stare of the person we love, it’s in the eyes of a stranger you’ve helped and it’s the joy we choose to find in a dark place.  It’s in the peace in experiencing love, forgiveness and mercy; the essence of our universal creator.  It’s in knowing that the true essence of success cannot be measured by material things but by the things of the spirit and of the heart.   In our pursuits of the materialist successes we see in others we often lose sight of what is really important.  Chasing wealth, social approval or selfish freedoms often come at a very high price and in the end don’t make us feel any better about ourselves. In those pursuits the question must be asked?  “What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?”  The truth is, compromising the essence of who we are to find success is like trying to capture the wind in our hands. Try as we might, it will always slip through our fingers. 

Ultimately, true success can be found in our quiet selfless service to others, in our constant cravings for creativity and in our magical pursuit of self mastery.  Success, real success, is experiencing that tingle of excitement with the things we choose and love to do.  It’s found in sticking with what really matters through all the hard times and living a life we can feel proud of in retrospect.   Much of this will be missed or lost on the rest of the world but not by the ones that mean the most to us.  

So I hope all of you will embrace this re-definition of success and pass it on to others.  I could be wrong but I can't believe that I'm only person who needed to hear this today!  Let me know your thoughts.

I wish you all true "redefined"success in all the things that really matter in your lives.  Much love and admiration. ~Jason

I am a BlogPoet at BlogPoets.com

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

ALSO RECOMMENDED FOR YOU...

Something In Me Quit, Long Before I was Fired

Written On LinkedIn? Congrats! You're ONE of A Million.

Are You Really Stuck Where You Are?

This Child Has A Voice

Please follow me or add me on LinkedIn. I am the author of the book A Walk with Prudence Practical Thoughts of Wisdom for Everyday Living

I appreciate your feedback on these articles...good or bad.

Shoot me an email at [email protected] or leave me a comment below. I look forward to hearing from you!