It's time to face some sh*tty truths

What is this perverse trait we’ve developed as human beings, to avoid any kind of reality that is in any way shape or form, uncomfortable or unpredictable?

And then the brutality of judgement (often disguised as help as people immediately step in to apply well worn solutions, that may or may not be required), we pour on ourselves and others, when we fail miserably to avoid that reality, start to crack within it and share how we are really feeling about it.

The problem is not the difficult reality, but our avoidance of what that reality means to us. The unhealthy trait we have all been taught - to avoid suffering, pain, loss or anything that might bring a dark cloud to our day, at all costs.

And of course, there has been so much provided by our wonderfully egoic world of consumerism and materialism, to distract us, that we have been rather good at avoiding the sh*tty part of life.

But it exists all of the time. There are constant wars, famine, poverty, injustices and just plain f*cked up practices going on everyday - just not on our doorstep, therefore making it a little easier to live alongside, which we do.

But now, suffering, uncertainty, fear and loss has been introduced into our reality. And along with a whole new set of distractions to avoid it.

Well here's a reality check. We are in the middle of a pandemic that will claim lives, how many we simply do not know. Many people will loose their businesses, their jobs, their stability and right now, their freedom. We do not know when a vaccine will be available. We do not know when lock down will end. We do not know what the world will look like in the future and we never did, we just persuaded ourselves that we did, so that we could feel safe and avoid any kind of uncomfortable truth.

And that's tough. It's scary, heartbreaking and soul destroying. It will unearth all of our insecurities, invite our fear out to play and leave us emotionally, physically and mentally drained. It will shut us down, stifle creativity and turn many of us into angry, fear based monsters.

No amount of routine, sitting in gratitude, chanting positive mantras, or re-wiring whatever ‘supposedly’ f*cked up part of you, is going to change this reality.

We have to learn to accept it before we can learn to live with it and then actually do something with it. And that may mean that you need to sit in your sh*t (metaphorically speaking), for a while to finally understand what's in there. You may need to allow yourself to withdraw and pull the covers over your head, whilst you process it all. You may need to scream like a banshee and cry like a baby, whilst you resist it. You may need to get angry, feel resentment, regret and fear, before you can enter it.

Because the certainty, the safety, the peace we all crave cannot be found in reality, only in ourselves. And we can only find it in ourselves, if we learn to let suffering and discomfort into our lives. We have to learn to face it, to live with it and to manage how we respond to it, so that we can ultimately deal with it. Because one thing is for certain, we will always have suffering and discomfort in our lives, it's simply part of being a human being.

This pandemic is about so much more than a pandemic. It's about the foundations upon which we have built our modern day world. It's about learning to face, live alongside and overcome adversity. It's about respecting ourselves, each other and the planet that provides the air we breath, the water we drink and the food we eat. It's about understanding we are a human race, not a number of artificial tribes, identified only by borders, faiths, or political systems. It's about binning the ego's and embracing humility. It's about learning to accept ourselves, playing to our strengths, admitting our weaknesses and finding connection through our vulnerability and need for love. It's about a whole stack of sh*t, we've been avoiding for far too long.

So, give yourself a break, adjust to and embrace this new reality, in whatever way you need to and at whatever pace you need to. Create your own reality, define your own beat and then move to it.

This will pass. We will learn. We can do this.

With love

Nik x

A bit about me: I aspire to inspire people to be themselves, to embrace all of themselves, warts and all. To re-define our reality, to be more honest and sustainable. To re-define success, to be more diverse and focus on the stuff that really matters, not the shiny sh?t, that you cannot take with you anyway.

No-one will remember what car you drove, but my goodness, they will remember if you made them smile, feel good about themselves and accepted them for who they are. It is the gifts of kindness and understanding that will last beyond your lifetime, not the gifts of gold.

I'm a mum, writer, transformation consultant and all round eccentric, doing my own thing, in my own way, in the hope I can make others smile and love themselves a little bit more.

My blog, library of curiosity, daily inspiration and lots of other things, can be found on my website www.nikdavis.com.

My alternative and eclectic approach to fashion and design can be found at www.lillyisabella.co.uk.

I love people, I love life and I love to talk, so please feel free to reach out and let's have a conversation.